It was recommended I put my post here, as it had more traffic, so I apologize for a repeat post. I'm new here, I've been lurking for a few weeks, trying to figure out this mess.

I've been married 6 years,and we have a 2 year old. My husband has had 2 affairs in the last 5 months. OW #1 was a woman involved kissing and fondling and OW#2 nothing physical has happened but their relationship is inappropriate texting and phone calls all hours of the night, and he admitted to thinking about getting physical with her.He is mostly looking for one night stands IMO.

I am deeply religious and am standing for my marriage. I do not believe in divorce.

My husband moved out of the house 3 nights ago. He is living with his parents. Upon my pastors recommendation I have been reading surviving an affair.


Because my husband has moved out of our marital home, can I still do plan A? Or do I immediatly have to go to plan B?

Thank you.

Welcome to MB. While it is harder to work Plan A when they have left home, you absolutely can.

Have you read about Emotional Needs.

Do you talk to you WH?

Hi CB - Yes surprising about the timing being similar, i found out on the weekend after valentine's day. It was the worst feeling in the world!

Yes i have, I am having a hard time figuring out what his are. I am thinking of asking him to take the questionaire.

We do talk, but not much right now, only about child visits mostly. We end up talking because of financial stuff but that is always neagtive

He is coming over this afternoon for an hour to spend time with us. I don't know really how to act.

Create the type of home that he is going to miss if he continues to choose to live away.

Is the house clean? Are you dressed in sweats?

Can you plan something together as a family like going on a walk, riding bikes?

It's really hard but you have to put your best face forward. And do you have time to get something yummy cooking so it's simmering on the stove and waves of delicious aroma are wafting through your house?

I have made a point to make sure I am looking nice every time he sees me. In the past during our married life that is not the case.


Today I didn't need to worry I guess. He was only here for an hour and my brother called from Iraq, so half the time I didn't get to be with him and dd. But we sat outside and watched our dd play and it was nice. I told him I loved him when he left, and he said he loved me to.

I am trying to make our house in perfect order so the next time he is here it looks great.

I hesitate sometimes. He makes comments that we are better off without him. It feels like when the house looks great, I look great ect, that its almost proving his thought that we are?

You always want to look your best and make things as pleasant as possible when your WS is around so that if and when you go into Plan B, they will be left with pleasant memories.

Since Plan A doesn't end the affair most of the time, (forgive me...I don't recall the percentage at this moment), you may well end up in Plan B.

Thank you that makes a lot more sense. Does plan A ever work? Are people better off going immed. to Plan B?

Dr. Harley says plan A only works about 15% of the time. I would do all your exposing now and then plan A him for about 6 more weeks, all the while getting things ready (like meeting with a lawyer, making financial arrangements, getting an intermediary, writing your letter, etc.) for plan B.

Can those of you who assisted covenantbride on this thread head over to her other thread (My situation and the many questions) to give some advice on exposure.