Unbelievable is all I can say.

I can't even type I am so.... grrrr!

Ok, here it is:

I am not a big fan of myspace. I have said that before.
However, I knew my ex and ow each had pages.
I never checked them before because I didn't really care.
But, in light of the new circumstances of her breaking up with my ex, I decided to look at his and hers to see, just out of morbid curiosity, if maybe they were bashing each other (wouldn't that be the ultimate satisfaction?)

So, anyway, I look at his. pretty boring. He is all boo hoo over her, saying he feels lonely, blah blah blah.

I look at hers and lo and behold: MY EXBF IS POSTING TO HER MYSPACE PAGE!

A little background for those of you who don't know: Met him back in 2006. We actually met through this board on the after divorce/dating board. He was not on here very long, maybe 6 months if that. So he was very new and only stayed a short time. We struck up a friendship and communicated for several months finally meeting in August of 06. We dated until June of last year. Now, there were TONS of red flags from the get go, but I foolishly ignored them. It was my first relationship post my marriage ending. He would call about once a month or so wanting to get back together and work on things (mind you, this was LDR, he lived down south several states away from me) and then almost immediately change his mind. I stopped that push and pull game by January of this year as I had had enough. I had no feelings left for him whatsoever. I was indifferent at that point. I had seen enough red flags along the way to know this was no good. I had been hurt as well by some things and realized, after the initial break up, and after going back to counseling at that time, that I needed to learn to enforce my boundaries and not give so much to people that I lose myself. I was extremely angry at him for a time, vented it too. But enforced no contact in January, and moved on with my life.

Of course, during the time we dated, we talked a lot about ow. Talked about how much she hurt me and my kids. He was the first on I called when she sent me the fake apology. The first one I called when my ex brought her to our court dates. He would call her a wh*ore as much as I would. I thought he had my back on that. When he came here to meet my kids last summer he saw ow. The only thing he said to me was: "gosh, i feel bad for you because your exes ow is really good looking. she is still a homewrecking ho but..." well, i didn't think that was a cool thing to say but kind of let it slide. he still assured me it didn't matter what she looked like, she was trash.

So, fast forward to today and he is posting to her on her myspace.

First off, I would like to know how in the h*ll he found her myspace page. He did not know her last name. He only saw her that one time. We live SEVERAL states away from each other! She, I doubt, contacted him first, but maybe. Although, again, she would not have any info on him and further more, trust me, he is not in any way, shape, or form, her type by a long shot. In fact I know they were making fun of him to our me and my exes mutual friends when they saw him. My one friend told me the things they were saying about him! I am sure, however, she must be feeling some power thinking that not only did my husband chase after her, but now my exbf is too! I think that says less about her, and more about the choices I have made in men.

Bottom line is, this, to me, is a very huge betrayl. Someone who, even though we did not work out, someone I did not think would stoop to this level. Posting to the woman who caused me and my family so much pain. I guess I see now just wanted kind of a man exbf really is.

I feel sick about this. And to think, at one point, we were talking a future together. THANK YOU GOD FOR HELPING ME DODGE THAT BULLET!

wonder if my ex realizes who the guy is posting to her on her myspace?

And people wonder why I choose to stay single and why I am not out there looking.

mlhb

Well I think this says a lot about your EXBF more so than you. You knew the OW was a sleaze. This tells me your EXBF is a fake. He got her myspace page somehow. He had to do some leg work. Who knows maybe OW doesn't even realize who his is. If she doesn't that means he is a real creap/stalker. Is it possible that he took the info he had on your ex and found his myspace page? Then he figured out who of his favorites was her and started there?

I have no idea.

I thought maybe, at first, he was tying to see if I had a myspace page. Maybe typing in my first name and the town I live in (because she and I have the same first name and live in the same town). It would pop up anyone in this town with that name. Well, I don't have one but she does. He has GOT to know it is her. He knew she was on the fire dept and her whole page is about the fire dept. She does not list my ex as one of her friends (I imagine since the break up) so he is not on there anywhere. And my ex does not list her as a friend so if he looked up my ex (which I doubt he would) he wouldn't have found her there either.

I did, for a few months harbor a LOT of anger at him for certain things. I was having a very hard time forgiving not only him, but others in my life, basically holding on to grudges. After reading the book "Bondage Breakers" I felt free to finally do some true forgiving, and sent him an email about 2 months back just saying to him that I wanted continued no contact but that, due to that book, I had come to a place of finally forgiving him (and in the book it says you should let people know, when you can that you have forgiven and to ask for it in return). It was short and to the point. I felt a release and thought nothing more about it.

And now this.
Things are going well in my life, so of course Satan is going to attack with something stupid like this.

My gut tells me he was probably searching for me and came across her page. But who knows.

I just don't get it.

And, in order for him to post to her, wouldn't she have to accept an invite from him to be her friend? All she would have to do is see his name and the location and she would have to know who it is.

mlhb

Well, you have to kiss a few frogs before you find your prince.

You should be throwing yourself a wild celebration and congratulating yourself on unloading him. I wouldn't worry your pretty little head a minute more over him, the OW, or your ex.

I know...

I am sure I will only be temporarily miffed about this.

Considering some of the things that were done during the time we were on and off dating, I should not be too surprised.

mlhb

Hey mlhb, clearly he is a weirdo/loser/stalker. Just wanted to point out in case you havent thought of it yet. He is likely reading this thread.

it is an open forum. anyone is allowed to read.

i thought he was a better person than that.
we both said some hurtful things during our dating time. and some things he did were direct violations of my boundaries. BUT, i didn't enforce them either so... my bad as well.

overall, in the end, after all of the back and forth, and the no contact here for several months, i was in a place of, "ok, it is what is was, neither one of us were probably ready for that kind of relationship, i am happily moving on and don't think ill of him anymore".

then this.

mlhb

i know i won't be looking at either of their myspace's again!

shame on me for wanting to look anyway. curiosity just got the best of me and i couldn't help it.

Lord knows I am wayyy beyond this immaturity at this stage of my life so, I had my "fun", i looked. May they all live happily ever after.

i can't wait to move
i can't wait to move
i can't wait to move!

back on with my life.
surrounding myself with HEALTHY people.

i'm going to work out now.
need to blow this off.

so not worth it.

i am soooo much better than this crap.

mlhb

Here is some food for thought:

Could his behavior say something about you and the type of men you are attracted to?

I have no answer for you on that one, but my advice is to not fall into the trap I see a lot of my female aquaintances from my divorce group fall into, which is being with Mr. Right Now vs Mr. Right.

Finding Mr. Right requires that you learn to not need a man in your life in any way. That way, if you do meet someone, he enriches your life and doesn't depend on you or you on him in some way.

Needy people attract needy people, which are recipes for disaster.

Just chew on that and see what you think. This is a challenging question and nothing more. I'm not saying you're this way at all.

myspace is for


l o s e r s....


there I said it too....

grown men and women who post on myspace...

l o s e r s


what this says about these people and you.....is that your life is way way to full and rich to waste a second of time..

boo hooing about relationships...on a myspace page..gag gag gag..
proof that all three aren't capable of enriched blessed relationships or lives....



wah wah wah...
they can all cry...

you go live life fully...with out a thought to people using up loser bandwith...

ARKie

I agree with Ark.

I think Pomd asks some very valid questions.

Believer is dead on right...you should celebrate the loss of this jerk.

And ...NEVER, NEVER let the [censored] win. Do not allow another persons bad behavior sour you on love and a great future with a great man.

there, i worked out and i feel better.

pom:
i do not feel i am a very needy person at all. quite the contrary actually. i could care less whether i date or not. HOWEVER, i am a huge giver and not a big taker. because i am so self sufficient i don't find myself having to have a lot of needs filled by another. the issue is, both my ex and exbf were huge takers and very needy. in fact, most of exbf's friends at one time or another confided in me how needy they felt he was and that, from time to time, they felt the need to pull away from him because of it. i found myself being sucked dry giving and giving and getting very little in return. because i am such a giver i imagine i in some way attract very needy men. i don't mean ones that need me to support them financially either, i mean emotionally. THAT is what i need to take a look at.

i have not dated since he and i broke up last summer because i have had no desire to whatsoever. i am gunshy at this point quite honestly. i really thought exbf was wayyyy different than my ex. he seemed to be on the surface. but underneath, not so much. i am not a damsel in distress, i don't need saving. i am fine either way. but i no long trust my instinct about men.

i had a fear at one time that those i cared about would leave me if i enforced boundaries because that happened in the past. and it happened with exbf. BUT, if they leave because i am enforcing boundaries that SHOULD BE ENFORCED than i don't want them in my life anyway. i have learned that much and i have learned to heed red flags early on. i will never ignore them again.

if someone great came along, i would have to take it really really slow. and if they don't, i am fine with that too right now.

i'm off to shower now.
i should probably go to work sometime today right? lol

mlhb

i have a few concerns because of this too.

first off, i would not be surprised if my ex emails me wanting to know why my exbf is leaving messages on his on again off again gf/affair partner's site. trust me i am sure he checks her site and he WILL KNOW who it is by the name, location, and picture.

secondly, i pray my ex doesn't try to start trouble over this. i am sure he is going to think, like the rest of us do, that it is pretty darn psycho of someone who i was dating from several states away to all of a sudden be looking up and posting on his gf's site. if he thinks it is nuts enough he could make the argument that exbf is a stalker or something and try to say my kids aren't safe with me due to a man I USED TO DATE. What would I do then?

i pray it doesn't, but this could blow up big time.

i wish people would think before they do things.

mlhb

Is custody an issue between you and ex?

As far as raising concerns about exbf-- him posting on a myspace page is hardly stalking. Now if he were following her around, calling her, basically making himself a pest-- then your EX MIGHT have some concerns. But then again, he would be stalking the OW... not you.

((mlhb))

Betrayal is poison!

He probably found her through your EXH's page. You can click to other people's friends that way.

Just more proof of Satan at work and how obscene his work is.

Work through it, breathe, let it all out and know that you are OK!

no, pm, custody is not an issue. that was ironed out 2 years ago, in court, signed sealed and delivered.

i just thought that since it was someone i used to date that might make a difference.

i have not heard a peep from him since january when i blocked him from emailing me. so, he has not been bothering me at all.

i guess you're right.

but i still wouldn't be surprised if my ex said something.
he is going to think it is completely nuts that a man i used to date, who they never met only saw on one occasion, would be seeking out and posting on her myspace. i am telling you, i know my ex, and he is going to think it is completely wacko.

mlhb

For what its worth - I think its wacko too.

The only reason he could have for contacting her is to push your buttons (IMO). It cannot be a random chance meeting -- he had to seek her out, and she had to "accept" his friendship. YUCK.

It just reeks of immaturity.

You are well rid of him if this is the level he stoops to, just to get your attention. And like you brought up -- the consequences were either not thought out, or he did it KNOWING it could cause you problems. Neither is very good.

well, it is only by chance that i saw it. i do not frequent eithr one of their myspaces to be truthful. in fact, i never ever even looked until the break up just to see if anything was said about it on there. this caught me by surprise.

i won't be reading anymore trust me.
i have better things to do than high school drama.

mlhb

Life's too short for following Myspace drama between adults acting like teenagers.

Forget you ever saw the page and move on .

AGG

The fact that you're not dating the guy says enough to a court. They have too much on their plate to hold your judgement over your head regarding an ex. Now, if they were to criticize everyone over who we may have dated by mistake? Geez. We'd all be inadequate then!

So you may have White Knight syndrome. Perhaps rescuing emotionally needy men is fullfilling for you in an unhealthy way.

I had that problem. The women I dated all had MAJOR issues.

I've only made smarter decisions on who I date recently. I'm a lot smarter now.

Granted, it's hard to find women who don't have baggage when you're in your 30s, but who am I to say anything? The baggage is actually fine as long as it doesn't control your life or it's stowed in it's proper place.

My suggestion is for you to talk to someone who can help you understand why you attract emotionally needy men. Lopsided relationships are doomed to fail. A person who is a constant taker and a rare giver will make a bad partner and a person who is a constant giver and a rare taker is normally the one heartbroken.

That's my philosophy anyways.

So there needs to be a balance. A little giving, a little taking and healthy exchanges all around.