I may be on a soap box for a minute here guys, but who made up the rule that someone can only have ONE thread???

I've read it recently here TWICE!

Why would anyone put conditions on how another person decides how to post to this board? As ALL of you know, we are on an emotional roller coaster and our "needs" for this forum change on a daily, weekly, monthly and even minute by minute basis.

None of us are professional doctors here so we don't need to always have their entire HISTORY to offer a little bit of encouragement and support.

IMO...when someone starts a thread with a title that can't be changed after a certain amount of time and then that post gets thousands of replies to it...most often, by the time you take the time to read all the posts, the topic is completely different anyway!!!

There have been 2 posters that were in dire straights in the last week that were either chastised because they started a new post OR posted their apology for doing so to get traffic to their existing thread.

Sorry guys...but that seems absolutely absurd!

Everyone here deserves to hear from as many posters as will take the time to read their situation and respond to their call for help.

IMHO we don't have the right to tell people how that should look.

Ok..off the soap box now.

Thanks.

YEAH!! Hear, hear!!!!!!

Sorry, I disagree.

I don't think it is a "Rule" per se, I just think it's a lot easier to keep it all in one place. I've read the posts that you're referring to and I didn't see anyone "putting conditions" on anyone else... only politely asking for convenience sake.

Do YOU have time to go back and hunt up previous posts to figure out where someone is in their journey? I don't. It also keeps people from having to ask the same questions over and over again.

I see nothing wrong with starting a new post when someone begins a new direction (i.e., Plan A, Plan B, Plan D, etc.), because that DOES keep the page count down (somewhat, lol). But when someone makes a new post for every little new development, sorry, I don't have the time or the patience to keep up with that. Maybe you do. Not me.

P.S. especially since the search feature on MB works so well now... (eyerollyicon here)

But that's the real issue....it's not our place to be telling people how to ORGANIZE their thoughts while going through probably the MOST difficult time in their life.

It's not necessary to know someone's ENTIRE story to lend a helping hand or a listening ear.

Think of ALL the people who have NOT been assisted by great words of wisdom because their question is BURIED in a thread that has ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with their current situation.

And I think people should be really careful about letting this VET thing go to their heads. What constitutes a VET? # of posts, years on the board?? And if you have been here longer or posted more often, does that give you the right to dictate the experience of new posters???

There are some terrific people on this site that I thoroughly enjoy reading their replies and help to people. Some have been here FOREVER and some have not.

I just needed to speak up and say that this board is not the same as it was when I started here back in 02. (right or wrong)

I think most people have limited resources and time to invest in posting.
So if you are one of those "past" the immediate heartache, and here to help others get through it -- you need to invest your time wisely. (ie VETS)

Its really hard to answer a simple question sometimes without more background. Simple things like is the OW married, or how old are your children have A LOT to do with the advice that is given. A lot of "VETS" don't have time to search multiple posts for answers to those questions before responding.

So sure.....start all the threads you want. But the result is you will get less valuable advice and fewer people taking interest. Your call.

I agree with you onlyU. And for the most part it seems the vets only respond to those who are struggling with Plan A or Plan B, there are not a lot of them that like the every day type stuff. (i do not mean for this to be taken offensively). I certainly am not a vet and only respond to those threads that i take a personal interest in myself.

Lexxy,

So don't you think it makes more sense for a quick recap and then to the point of the question? Are you actually reading the posts that are accumulating thousands of responses and looking for that "one" question that you might be able to help with?

I get where you are coming from, but I think there is a happy medium here somewhere. And for people to be chastized for creating another thread, that just seems plain cruel in the time that a poster doesn't really need that.

I think that fewer people read the LONGER posts. If you look at them, it's the same people following the story, which is great. But for the one question that someone might really need more insight on or is a fresh question, I think it deserves to be in a new thread.

And perhaps if posters are directed to do a quick/short summary of their story with the question at hand, it would get greater responses.

For some reason this just really resonated with me because I know what it's like to be in so much pain and not really know what you need for the day and sometimes it not really having anything to do with your past posts whether they are days, months or years ago.

I think it has to do with them being "all over the board".

I kinda equate that with how they must be acting IRL.

When someone "encourages" a new poster to not be all over the board with multiple postings, I think it helps them to stay focused on what they need to be doing...and not focusing on all the DRAMA that is going on.

When veterans help people in Plan A or B...they are helping the ones that are serious about implementing the principles in saving a marriage, or simply saving themselves.

Too many people post not necessarily wanting "help" but looking for coddling, enabling, responses to their drama.

Mind you...this is just MY opinion.

committed

Its certainly not a "rule," but it is the best way to get the most responses and to keep folks FOLLOWING your story. It becomes almost impossible to follow a story if it is spread across multiple threads, and I assure you, most people are not going to that trouble. They don't have the time!

So, if you want more people to post to you and more people to be able to intelligently understand your story, then the best way to do that is stick to ONE THREAD. That has proved to be the most effective way to get consistent feedback.

The regulars would be REMISS if they did not point this out to newcomers. It is just a courtesy to show them ways to get more responses.

But, if a person wants to start up 200 threads with each and every thought, have at it! There is nothing stopping them! I just won't be reading every one to try and understand the story. I don't have that kind of time.

I can see that point and I have watched 2 recent posts that stayed on point and although they got long, there were several posters that kept up to date and stayed with those posters. Good examples of staying with one thread.

However, I don't think it works for everyone.

How many people do you think REALLY read the posts that have generated hundreds of responses already??? Don't you think those people still DESERVE to be heard and helped?

In the 2 situations that I am referring to that I witnessed this week, these 2 posters have been very helpful with other people in their situations, giving great advice and their ORIGINAL posts have almost NOTHING to do with where they are today.

I just think this needs to be revisited, perhaps even a good resolution posted in the first few "getting started" posts, but NO ONE should be chastised or made to feel bad that chooses to use this forum in a way to gain what they need for their own situation. It's not our place, we are not God and we don't know everything.

And to echo what you say about how people are acting IRL, those that are dictating how people should post are probably showing some of their true behaviors IRL as well.

Thanks for the comments committed!

I don't think folks should be "chastised," but I do think folks should get suggestions on how to obtain the best support here. I haven't seen this "cruel" chastisement to which you are referring, but then, I haven't read every thread.

I hope folks continue to suggest to newcomers to keep it to one thread, but tell them nicely.

OUC,

I hear your concern and haven't read the post which you read as chastisement. I have seen that advice many times, though, to stick to one thread. I think I've given it myself.

Now ask me if I have one thread?



It's just one poster's opinion to stick to one thread...same as when I suggest someone break up long paragraphs for my old eyes...doesn't mean it's board policy, a limitation or a do-it-or-I-won't-post-to-you statement.

All of our posts are suggestions, from our experience...opinions. Sure doesn't seem like, at least to me, when we read it as "do it this way" or that or else...

I believe in happy mediums--very much! If the poster had said, "I'm having a hard time in responding to you because you have too many threads to research for me to know if I can help or not" would that be the same?

I dunno. Great to know your concerns, though. Thank you for sharing them.

LA

ML,

Can you honestly say that you are staying in touch with ALL of the threads that have generated thousands of posts? What if there is something truly valuable that you can offer someone that might be missed unless they create a new thread with the summary of their past situation and an explanation of their new, current sitation? Because what they really need TODAY is buried in the old post.

Why would we want to suggest that they carry around the old thread like baggage? It just doesn't make sense to me.

I think it's a truly sad sign of where this board has gotten to.

And the continued references that posters don't have "time" to invest in or read someone's situation.....hmmm...perplexing. Then perhaps those posters shouldn't be on here anymore.

Why does the new betrayed need to cater to those that might be "willing" to take the time to give them advice. Doesn't add up.

Oh well.

First off, no one "deserves" to be helped. We are all here for help ourselves and in the same boat. I help people whom I believe I CAN HELP. I am under no illusions that I have something to offer everyone.

Secondly, I have been here for 7 years and don't even know who you are. Who are you and how are you qualified to tell people WHO HAVE BEEN DOING THE HEAVY LIFTING here for years what to do?

If you see someone who needs help, why are YOU not helping them yourself?

Shouldn't you be helping people if you are going to chastise others about not helping? How about getting off your soap box and grabbing a shovel?

onlyucan, I INVITE you to grab a shovel and get to work yourself! There are lots of good folks here who need help. Instead of chastising board members, why not help some of these newcomers?

Grab a shovel!

Of course not. Nor do I read all the new threads that start up every day. I don't post to everybody and don't read every post. I doubt anyone does.

I have NO IDEA why you are feeling hostile.


Pep

Now YOU'RE qualifying what they should put in their new thread.


You're kidding, right? Are you saying that YOU have the time to do this? Lucky you. I'm not so fortunate. There are too few VETS here now and to expect them to do what you're asking is ridiculous. Sheesh.

ML,

You can substitute any word you like for the one I chose - Deserved - But it all falls out the same.

Is it not a fact You/others have great advice that people are probably missing because you/others probably aren't reading through all of the longer posts unless you/others have taken an interest in that persons story.

This is a sad situation IMO because you/others could have really helped someone had they been able to put the "buried question" or "current situation" out there in a "new thread".

My response wasn't a personal attack on you so I refuse to do the same back. Where you took this was not necessary. You not knowing me personally does not mean that I don't have the right to express an opinion.