Hi everyone. My divorce have been finalized and now I am ready to move on with my life. I need some advice. I am now ready to start dating but certain members of my family are 100% against divorce and remarriage. I come from a christian home and so there are difference of opinions about remarriage. My situation is, that I want to date again and get remarried. I have tried to discuss this with some of my family members but everyone did not agree. What I want to know is should I just talk with them and let them know what my final decision is? I have always followed the teachings that I received from church and this is really the first time that I have not followed the teaching which was when I divorced. Now to have thoughts of dating and remarriage will be another issue to deal with. Do anyone have any advice on this. I would have to discuss my final decision not only with my family but the church leaders also. I don't really know what to say when I talk with them. Any advice will be appreciated. Thanks.

Wow,

We really need more info then this.

How old are you?
How long divorced?
How long married?
Any kids?
What church affliation?
Where are you meeting these dates?

Do you see what I am saying?

Share more with us and I am sure we will have something for you, may not be entirely what you want to hear though!

Dawn

I guess the big question is do you want to remain in a church taht teaches it is wrong to divorce even when there has been adultery and physical abuse?

I personally wouldn't stay in that church. My understanding of God is that he treasures his creations (us) and does not want us to be in harm's way. When I think of how Satan tempted Jesus after 40 days in the desert, I think of many things. I think of how Christ refused to domniate the world--he let us continue to have freedom. I think about how he embraced his humanness when he rebuked Satan for tempting him. I also think about the message of staying away from temptation. "Get thee behind me, temptation." Here I read not just temptation to sin, but all harm. After all, sin is really just harm. God wants us to be in a place where we can grow and flourish. Sometimes, we find ourselves in places where we cannot flourish because we're being quashed and squashed. God doesn't want that for us. No parent does.

If you decide you want to remain with that church, and not seek a new one, I think you need to be open and honest about your decision, but do not ask for their blessing. They won't give it, and the chances you can change the church body's collective view on divorce and remarriage is slim. If they try to "talk" to you about remarriage, or guilt you out of your decision, I'd make it clear you aren't willing ot hear them. If they're willing to hear your views and respect them, then you'd be willing to hear their views and afford them respect, but this isn't really up for negotiation.

Consider pursuing an annulment of your marriage within the church. I know the RC's, Episcopalians, and the Orthodox churches have this avenue.

My other advice is not to flaunt dating. Don't wave the red shawl in front of the bull.

In closing, don't date for a while, especially since you're healing from an abusive relationship. It takes a while to get over the abuse and the kind of perversion of a relationship abuse creates. If you date too soon, your judgement may not be good, or you may bring too many bad habits into the relationship.

Take your time.

Oh, and about the annulment. Considering you only lived together 8 months out of 5 years, and he committed adultery the entire time... I doubt you'd have a problem annulling the so-called marriage.

Your marriage was never a spiritual marriage, it was a sham and a fraud committed by your so-called husband. Your husband never had any intention of keeping his marital vows. And for what it's worth, I doubt God really considered this a marriage at all!

To answer your questions.

1. I am 38 years old
2. Divorced for about 6 months
3. Married 5 years (lived together only 8 months)
4. No Kids
5. Pentecostal
6. Have not started dating although I have someone who is interested and I am interested in him.

Tania, considering you've been divorced for 6 months, and you only lived together 8 months of your so-called marriage, I say go for it! But take it slowly.

Here is my personal thought on divorce and remarriage

I. A just Christian divorce (ie-adultery) enables the person to freely marry again
II. A unjust Christian divorce (ie- My husband is lazy) does not enable a person to be free to marry again.

However, in case II, since the divorce itself is a sin, the blood of Christ pays for that sin (and all others for believers)

Hence, the sinning divorcee is allowed to marry again.

Also, remarriage and marriage are encouraged for us. This was sole purpose of the woman to create a "partner" for companionship.

So, if you feel you are supposed to be married again, pursue it, if you feel you are to be single, pursue that. Neither one is shameful or sinful as far as my interpretation of the Word is concerned.

Oh, Grindn, do you really mean that my only purpose is to be a companion?

Just thinking about it breaks my spirit.

To me, the essence of marriage is an intimate companionship.

And, quoting scripture " It's not good for man to be alone; I'll make him a helper, a companion " Genesis 2:18 from the "Message"

Your purpose is far greater than that. Your purpose is to glorify God in every activity of your life. I could go on and on but I won't.

But, your purpose in marriage is to be a companion, respect your husband, etc.

I hope this clarifies what I was saying before.

Thanks. It does clarify it.

You didn't have the "in marriage" qualifier in the original post.

Hi Everyone, I read all of your responses to my problem and I thank each of you for your advice. I have decided that perhaps I should go on and start my life over again. I know that there will be people that will judge me for my decision to date and possibly remarry in the future. However, I feel that I should be able to live my life happily and get married again. I was faithful to my ex the entire 5 years but he was not available for me. Some may say that I am on the "rebound" due to the fact that I just divorced about 6 months ago but I do not have those feelings for my ex any more. In my spirit, I divorced him almost 2 years ago when I really got fed up and just decided to stop trying to make the marriage work out. I do not desire to be with my ex and I do not want him back. My only troubles are that I think of the abuse that I went through. I have not had children and that has always been my dream is to be married and have children. I am not getting younger and I want to have children. So there are many issues that I am facing. With the people I communicate with...some say stay single and others say remarry. But I feel that it is time for me to do what makes me happy.

Tania, no matter what you do in life there will be people who judge you for it. This is true in work, play, home, marriage, child raising, even gardening - you name it. You only need to stand by your own principals and be true to yourself, not these other judgmental fools. If you are ready to get out there and date - go for it and ignore the idle gossip that is generally practiced by people with lesser values than you anyway.