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When I found out that WW was having an affair, I booted her out...brought her back...booted her out...brought her back. She admitted to a one night stand...I brought her back...found out about more details from OM...booted her out.
The last time, there was an altercation (she refused to go). I stood my ground in the doorway...she went nuts and tried to fight her way into the house...I called 911, and hung up right away, just to scare her, and to make her leave. The cops showed up and saw scratches on my arms. They pressed charges against her (I guess they have to in DV cases...zero tolerances). She has a NC order against her and is not allowed to speak to me. She lives at her mother's now, and I cannot get a hold of her (she is scared to call me back).
What the heck do I do now?
Her infidelity has been exposed to pretty much everyone, but other than that I think I screwed up plans A and B lol.
Help.
Edited by introvert (06/04/08 12:23 AM) Sounds like a lot of "using" going on. Some particulars.... Age? How long married? Kids? This all sounds very juvenile to me. Boot her out...let her back.. Boot her out...let her back.. call 911...hang up What kind of plan do you have...except for Plan C (Chaos)? committed
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YOU called the police (which was the right thing to do). You involved them and then they follow the law which says they have to take actions. This did not happen without YOU making the charge against her...otherwise, they wouldn't know how you got the scratches.
Domestic calls...they were always my favorite. Look my friend. I have no reason to lie about what happened...why would I? I DID NOT CHARGE HER !!!!!! I have gotten no information as far as when to go to court...I have received no orders to go to court...I signed nothing. I don't know where you served, but it must be different where you live, because that's how it works here...If a cop has reason to believe that DV occured, and there is admittance from the person who committed the violence (which I'm assuming she must have admitted) the police charge her. The police charge people all of the time for different crimes, otherwise there wouldn't be such thing as traffic court, and there would be drunk drivers driving around all day with no recourse...simply because noone can charge them.
"Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth"
Henry David Thoreau
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"Found out that she had enough gas left in the tank to screw me over again...May 27th, 2008"
"and then twice in the backseat too....................."
Like Melody says, get a plan.
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Okay...I will walk you through this...YOU initiated the proceedings by making the call. The police took a report which included whatever you said about your scratches...did you lie to the police or did you tell them the truth about where they came from? I am assuming that you are not 12 years old and that you told them the truth. If you did, they wrote it down...YOUR report of the incident for which YOU called them.
So, now the police have physical evidence...your scratches...a statement made after a phone call from you. The "charge" in this case is nothing more than your statement (hers if she made one) and the physical evidence.
Again, this assumption is based on your having been honest.
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When I found out that WW was having an affair, I booted her out...brought her back...booted her out...brought her back. She admitted to a one night stand...I brought her back...found out about more details from OM...booted her out.
The last time, there was an altercation (she refused to go). I stood my ground in the doorway...she went nuts and tried to fight her way into the house...I called 911, and hung up right away, just to scare her, and to make her leave. The cops showed up and saw scratches on my arms. They pressed charges against her (I guess they have to in DV cases...zero tolerances). She has a NC order against her and is not allowed to speak to me. She lives at her mother's now, and I cannot get a hold of her (she is scared to call me back).
What the heck do I do now?
Her infidelity has been exposed to pretty much everyone, but other than that I think I screwed up plans A and B lol.
Help.
Edited by introvert (06/04/08 12:23 AM) Sounds like a lot of "using" going on. Some particulars.... Age? How long married? Kids? This all sounds very juvenile to me. Boot her out...let her back.. Boot her out...let her back.. call 911...hang up What kind of plan do you have...except for Plan C (Chaos)? committed I guess the quoted post that you added to yours pretty much sums it up...see the part where I say "help". If you feel calling me "juvenile" is the way to help, then I'd prefer to speak to someone else to be honest with you. If you have some constructive advice, then I'd like to hear it. I have stated 3 times in this thread that I made a mistake, and my plan is to not have any more contact until the hearing on the 12th...I don't need to continue to be insulted...it's not fair.
"Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth"
Henry David Thoreau
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Okay...I will walk you through this...YOU initiated the proceedings by making the call. The police took a report which included whatever you said about your scratches...did you lie to the police or did you tell them the truth about where they came from? I am assuming that you are not 12 years old and that you told them the truth. If you did, they wrote it down...YOUR report of the incident for which YOU called them.
So, now the police have physical evidence...your scratches...a statement made after a phone call from you. The "charge" in this case is nothing more than your statement (hers if she made one) and the physical evidence.
Again, this assumption is based on your having been honest. Again with the insults....do you think a pissing match is going to really helpful. How about giving me some ideas on how to keep NC? If sharing your knowledge of the law form WHERE YOU LIVE is what you are here to do...I don't need it, thanks.
"Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth"
Henry David Thoreau
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The police charge people all of the time for different crimes, otherwise there wouldn't be such thing as traffic court, and there would be drunk drivers driving around all day with no recourse...simply because noone can charge them. I did NOT say the police cannot issue charges. In the instinces you reference, the police witness the crime. In your case...your statement is the charge. Perhaps your defintion of charge is a bit too narrow from a legal standpoint.
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So, I guess you didn't tell them the truth. What you cited in red was NOT an insult...it was an asumption that a responsible adult that calls the police is going to be truthful.
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I don't need to continue to be insulted...it's not fair. Fair? Fair to whom? You are posting about some very immature, and juvenile behavior on your part. You called 911 and HUNG UP because you wanted to "scare" her. I asked your ages because it might help me to understand the behavior. Gawd, it might even explain the behavior. IMHO, some people are just too young and immature to be married. I encourage those people to cut their losses and get out while they still can relatively easy (sans children). It gives them a chance to grow up and be ready for marriage it if happens again. Marriage isn't a game. committed
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How about giving me some ideas on how to keep NC? Simple...stay away from her. What's so hard about that?
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The police charge people all of the time for different crimes, otherwise there wouldn't be such thing as traffic court, and there would be drunk drivers driving around all day with no recourse...simply because noone can charge them. I did NOT say the police cannot issue charges. In the instinces you reference, the police witness the crime. In your case...your statement is the charge. Perhaps your defintion of charge is a bit too narrow from a legal standpoint. Perhaps you are right, but I think your definition of "statement" is a little too wide. A police "statement" to me is a written "statement" or a video or audio "statement". You are right...me saying "yes" when he asked me if she scratched me, I guess is bt definition a "statement"....but a pretty small one (or so I thought)...big one for the cop.
"Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth"
Henry David Thoreau
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So, I guess you didn't tell them the truth. What you cited in red was NOT an insult...it was an asumption that a responsible adult that calls the police is going to be truthful. Do you have any advice that doesn't involve a pissing match?
"Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth"
Henry David Thoreau
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How about giving me some ideas on how to keep NC? DON'T call her. DON'T look for her. DON'T ask about her. Focus on your job. Work out. Home repair projects. Take a walk. Vounteer at the homeless shelter. Read a book. DO something ELSE. committed
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YEP...and most statements are not written by the victim...they are put in a report by the cop. BTW, I would venture a guess that the laws of my state do not vary more than a little from the entire country. There is a pretty uniform no tolerance for DV these days.
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I don't need to continue to be insulted...it's not fair. Fair? Fair to whom? You are posting about some very immature, and juvenile behavior on your part. You called 911 and HUNG UP because you wanted to "scare" her. I asked your ages because it might help me to understand the behavior. Gawd, it might even explain the behavior. IMHO, some people are just too young and immature to be married. I encourage those people to cut their losses and get out while they still can relatively easy (sans children). It gives them a chance to grow up and be ready for marriage it if happens again. Marriage isn't a game. committed Then why are you here?
"Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth"
Henry David Thoreau
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How about giving me some ideas on how to keep NC? Simple...stay away from her. What's so hard about that? Thank you
"Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth"
Henry David Thoreau
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you know what IV...good luck with your situation. There was no pissing match except from you. I really am not wasting any more time on such nonsense.
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How about giving me some ideas on how to keep NC? DON'T call her. DON'T look for her. DON'T ask about her. Focus on your job. Work out. Home repair projects. Take a walk. Vounteer at the homeless shelter. Read a book. DO something ELSE. committed Thank you for the constructive advice 
"Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth"
Henry David Thoreau
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WW has a NC order on her from an incident last week I read through your other replies for more information on that. You mentioned the domestic dispute. Since the cops saw scratches on your arms, they processed the NC order. Tell us what happened, leading up to a call to the police. I am concerned about continuing lovebusters and unmet ENs. Habits die hard without counseling and a strict adherence to better habits....
Consider how hard it is to change yourself and you'll understand what little chance you have in trying to change others.
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To be here doesn't mean that I have to be pro-marriage at ALL costs. Some marriages cannot be saved. There is nothing to save. They do more harm than good. Have you shared the particulars of your marriage somewhere on the board? OR, are you avoiding answering them? Age? Length of time married? Children? That's the list again. committed
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