My husband and I have been married for 11 1/2 years. We have 2 children under the age of 10 years old. Recently, My husband found a conversation that I had via the internet (note this person lives in another state and I have never spoken to him on the phone)..I admit the convo was inappropriate...I felt horrible after the convo took place and told the guy that it was not right...with that.. it was over...but my husband found it via google....and he is going out of his way to make me pay 4 it.... my life has been pure hell every since...it's been a month and a half...but to him...it's like it was yesterday. I don't know if my marriage can with stand this. I've apologized, I'm doing everything that he asks of me, I'm walking on egg shells and I am about to lose my mind. Any suggestions on what I need to do to make this up to him. Is there hope for my marriage?

Yes, there is hope but it depends on two things:
1) If he wants to stay in the marriage
2) How much effort you are willing to put in

He is now feeling the worst pain he has ever experienced in his life and you are the cause. Mere words cannot describe the anguish he is going through. Just like physical trauma, it will take months or even years for him to heal. It will be like yesterday for a long time.

I highly recommend you encourage your husband to post on this site. There are people here that can help him.

PS - an affair is an affair. The fact that this person lives in another state is moot. Please don't minimize what you have done just because it didn't get physical. It very well could have.

I wonder what was going on in your marriage that you felt entitled to have inappropriate conversations with a stranger?

Hope you are having no contact with the man and are finding other things to occupy your time.

I am the BS from my H EA, one conversation or 100 and it still hurts the same. He's going to have those words burned in his memory forever! Just be understanding of his feelings. I know it's very hard to do but try to put yourself in his shoes and imagine what you would do if you found the very same exchange but it was him! The thing I struggle with is the fact that words never can be unsaid. My H's words to me and to OW (conversation I overheard) will never leave my head. Every now and again he can tell that I'm spacing out. He'll ask what I am thinking about and all I can say in response is..."do you have a vacuum so I can suck thoughts out of my head?" Why doesn't someone invent that?
Be patient, be committed, be loving, be kind.

BD,

Check out the survey on the website for five love languages. In there is a survey for the five languages of apology. My WH found it very helpful to know HOW I needed to hear my apology. Mere words were not enough. I was the Genuinely Repenting apology type. It made a difference in him not understanding why his "I'm sorry" was just not enough.

With a M that has lasted this long and your children, you should be dedicating all your efforts on saving it, for all of you.

Have you read the Basic Concepts? There are some questionnaires for emotional needs (EN) and love busters (LB) that can be tools to get you started.

IMHO as a wife of a WH that used the internet, those are EA's (emotional affairs). The book Surviving An Affair and the website articles can give you greater knowledge on what an EA is and the damage that it causes.

Give him all the answers that he asks, even if you are repeating yourself. If you feel like you are "losing your mind", you can pretty much times that by 100 and maybe get to where he is.

Stay the course!

Sh0cked...I take totally responsibility for what I have done. I'm not trying to sugar coat anything. He says that he is willing to work things out; however, his actions show me so different. I am being very patient, very sincere & very humbled. Let's start by saying this...my marriage has never been perfect.. he had an physical affair in the beginning of it and I never lashed out at him the way he is treating me...but that is not why mine began....it would take a month & a day to tell u about my marriage...no one would believe half of the stuff that we have been through...but let me leave u with this...this morning I was awakened with him urinating in the hall way 4 the 2nd time in 3 months....this is a side effect of a sleeping pill that I have been begging him to stop taking 4 over a year. Can u imagine living with someone who does not sleep at night...going in and out of the house all night...going through my purse, my cell phone, my ca....and this was b4 my internet conversation...I guess it's just me...I love him dearly..but I should have left way b4 this because he is driving both of us crazy....and now.. since my indiscretion was found it's worse....sigh

BD,

What sort of counseling/therapy/help have the 2 of you sought out either independently or as a couple?

It sounds like you have a history of issues and it requires pealing back the layers to get to the root and hopefully save this M.

Was your EA the result of: "Since I'm being accused I might as well do it anyway?"

I've heard of that happening before. I'm not asking as any slight to you at all. But it does happen that way sometimes.

No...It wasn't a I might as well do it type of thing..it was is just happened kinda conversation...I normally wouldn't let myself get caught up like that...I never went out looking 4 someone to conversate with.

I feel for you...I screwed up too and got involved with an inappropriate EA. At least you've come clean about it. I am too chicken to, afraid of the reaction I'll get from DH.

I think you need to be patient with your husband, tend to what EN you think he has and encourage him to get some help.

Those issues he has with the sleeping pills, that sounds awful.
It doesn't justify what you did, but I understand.