My wife and I married when I was 18 and she was 19; it was after we had been together for about a year. We married after her Navy boot camp and before her Hospital Corpman school inGreat Lakes, Mich. While she was at the Corpman school she met a guy and had an affair with him and possibly became pregnant with our oldest son. Apparently after he found out she was pregnant he stopped seeing her, she then started going to the base bar every weekend getting fairly drunk and going to bed with different guys. On one such occassion she finally realized what she was doing and cut her wrist(s). The guy she was with broke down the door and got her treated at the base Hospital. There were a couple of instances where I almost found out but didn't; until 9 years later. When it all came out we both spent time in the local psch ward and went thru a hell of a time; to get to the point here: this is now 25 years later since that all came out, we're still married but I have never recovered fully from the incident. I believe I have trully forgiven her but the pain and hurt that never healed or was addressed that I have is really starting to take a toll on me to the extent that I'm am becoming obsessed with suicide. Can anyone out there help me please, for God's sake help.

I don't know how much help I can be, but wanted you to know somebody heard you. Please call a suicide hotline (1-800-SUICIDE) or a loved one to help you through the dark times. If the 800 number doesn't work, try www.suicidehotlines.com for location-specific numbers. Please reach out to somebody who can help you in person.

And keep in touch here, too, so we know you're ok.

If you are close to hurting yourself, I would call 911 or a hotline and just talk to them.

I know it HELPED me when I wanted to hurt myself.

But please know we are here for you as well.

I am not going to get into specifics here. All I will say is that the suicide hotline has saved lives and will probably help you as well. Late at night seems to be the best time to call. If the first person you talk to doesn't ring any bells, hang up and try again. Don't waste the rest of your life mourning over something that happened many years ago over which you had no control.

You have choices. Make the choice to live and prosper. You are in an obsessive loop which can be broken with the right techniques. The suicide hotline will help you.

Larry

thank you, i'll be alright i just get emotional when talking about this. I haven't ever really connected with any outlet or approach to deal with this. Is there something wrong with me that I can't forget about this trauma??

My psychologist suggested to me that I'm in some kind of thought loop that I can't seem to break.

Our feeling are our feelings and NEVER wrong.

But if you haven't dealt with the pain of trauma of the situation, now is as good as time as any.

Learn to do what you need to take care of yourself and know that there are LOTS of people on here who will walk through this with you if you want.

Exactly. And I am shocked that he had no specific treatment you could use to mitigate the problem. You may need meds. You might want to consider moving to a psychiatrist (MD) instead of relying on the psychologist.

Larry

Forbes,

Don't do it!!! Please call the 24 hr. suicide hot line 1-800-784-2433 and talk to someone. See a doctor a.s.a.p. to prescribe anti-depressants and get into individual counselling.

My husband and I married young also. We were both 18. I can understand your thoughts of suicide. I attempted suicide after finding out about my husband's 3+ yr. affair with a dangerous woman. Thank God my son saved my life. That was 2 1/2 yrs ago. It has been a very rough road. Many times I have wanted to give up. Never give up!!! I keep telling myself I've been at the very bottom, it can only get better from here.

Listen to what Larry is saying about going to the right type of Dr. that can prescribe you meds. Even Dr. Harley states that if you are obsessing there is medication that can help with that.

thanks, I just don't know what to do about this, I can't understand that I'm still dealing with this after all these years. I watched the 28 min. video on infidelity on this site and realized for the first time major a trauma this can be. I was 26 when she finally told me everything; she had been my whole life. I'd given her all of my self maybe to much, complete devotion, Loyalty, Trust, and unconditional Love. I think my devotion to her was such that when this all hit, my devastation was complete- perhaps total. I was never helped with all the emotional trauma and scarring I experienced.We saw a Christian counselor who just told me to buck up and move on and forgive. No-one seems to think what I am going thru is valid.

Are the feelings of absolute hurt and pain valid? Is it true that this is a very traumatic event that leaves damage behind?

Read up on the effects that Post Traumatic Stress can have on a person.

Your feelings are totally validated. You do need additional resources though, consider getting on the medication as soon as possible. Even your General Doctor can prescribe you something that can help you with the obsessing while you are getting into a therapy program for the grief and loss. Sounds like you didn't get to go through it in a healthy way to put it all past you.

Um, yes. The people who understand the effects of infidelity eqate the psychological effects to being raped or having a child die. It is very traumatic, and it sounds like maybe you didn't the right things to deal with the trauma.

As far as what to do about it being 25 years later, I don't know, but if people are telling you to buck up and get over it, I don't think you're talking to the right people.

I strongly agree with those suggesting seeing a psychiatrist. And maybe having a physical exam. Maybe there is something else going on as well.

Forbes, please get the help you need. It sounds like you are suffering from delayed PTSD.

Hang in there..and stick around. There are people here who will pray for you and help walk you through healing. But please..do see a professional as well!

1-800-SUICIDE call the number.

As you have already had inpatient treatment, you are most likely aware that you need to be inpatient NOW. You should contact a psychiatrist or go to the local ER if you are feeling suicidal. Medications take too long to have an impact and it sounds as though your needs are immediate.

Get yourself some competent psychiatric help. Do NOT rely on a fp or psychologist to treat you. Since you are already suicidal there needs to be a constant monitoring of your symptoms if you are placed on medications (since these can increase suicidal tendencies).

If you cannot find the strength to talk to the suicide hot-line...call 911. If you have ANY firearms in the house...remove them to a safe place (with a family member).

Hang in there. There is help available to you and this will get better.

Friend,

I was in your shoes once. I too thought about ending my life.

But there was a little voice inside me that told me to reach out and get help. It was a voice that was screaming and telling me that I had to be a father to my children and be here for them. That I would scar them forever if I did anything.

I called a hotline. I reached out for help. I had my roomates drive me to a hospital and I was checked in.

Do you have retirement benefits?

Are you with the VA?

Even if you're not, go to the hospital or have someone take you. It was the best decision I ever made for myself and my children.

I spent 6 days in the hospital and it was a life changing experience.

You're at rock bottom. The only place to go is up.

Please get help and go to the hospital. I don't regret having reached out for help. And stay in touch with us. We know the pain of infidelity and the impact on your family.

Get help, please. You won't regret it and there is no shame in reaching out for it.

forbes, please take the suggestion to call the suicide hotline and ask for help. We care very much that you get the help you need! Please contact 1-800-suicide and a close friend, family, personal physician. YOU MATTER!

You are completely normal to feel pain and hurt...this IS a life-changing TRAUMA. There are only two times in my life that even compare to my hearing of my H's A.

In one event, I was on a call for the fire dept. and lost two patients out of a horrific 7 passenger (multi-generational family) car crash. I went through critical incident stress debriefing for a month before I could cope.

The other event was the loss of my mom (I was 25, she was 50). BOTH events were traumatic. The difference is that the general public recognizes these events as traumatic and validate your pain and hurt.

An affair is JUST AS TRAUMATIC. In fact, I believe it is MORE TRAUMATIC because it is done with conscious decision and knowledge that it will hurt the person you have promised to love.

If you haven't been able to go through the grieving process...then your grief has sat dormant for 25 years. It doesn't just go away. You must deal with it. Your emotions are VALID.

Talk with an MD. I found medication to be the only way I could stop the cyclical thinking. It is not the complete answer, but it allows you to deal with things at a more constructive pace.

Reach out for help from anyone if you do not feel safe with yourself.

You CAN get through this.

YOU MATTER.

I am praying for you. I hope you are feeling better.

One thing I know about "the LOOP" is that it is a dangerous monster.

Think of those thoughts/problems like a biting/scratching kitten you are petting. But the more you pet it and feed it - the bigger and more agressive it becomes. Them more you attempt to appease it by petting and feeding, over and over- the more obnoxious it becomes. Pretty soon you have a problem that WAS a spitting kitten, now is a distempered LION.

What I'm saying is that "the loop" can be as big a problem as the origional problem is. I think it is excellent that you are catching onto this thinking. Keep up with the Dr. visits.

I hope you are well.