Copied this from Cinderella -

Life is Difficult.

This is a great truth, one of the greatest truths. It is a great truth because once we truly see this truth, we transcend it. Once we truly know that life is difficult – once we truly understand and accept it – then life is no longer difficult. Because one it is accepted, the fact that life is difficult no longer matters.

Most do not fully see this truth that life is difficult. Instead they moan more or less incessantly, noisily of subtly, about the enormity of their problems, their burdens, and their difficulties as if live were generally easy, as if live should be easy. They voice their belief, noisy or subtly, that their difficulties represent a unique kind of affliction that should not be and that has somehow been especially visited upon them, or else upon their families, their tribe, their class, their nation, their race or even their species, and not upon others. I know about this moaning because I have done my share.

My ex and I raised 8 children together - 4 of his, 2 of mine, and 2 step daughters.

There were many problems. That is how life IS.

Now we are divorce, and he still has a hard life.

Happily, he is not contacting me about it anymore (Thanks for the letter, Schoolbus), but I'm still hearing about it from his son.

Sometimes I'm amazed at all of the affairs that started because life got hard.

What you have said is very deep and I'm kind of dense sometimes... can you explain this again?

I agree with it but can you say it another way so that I can fully grasp its meaning?

You're welcome, believer!


Regarding the "life is hard" concept.


The Buddhists believe that the purpose of one's life is to "end suffering". Interesting concept, that.

Ah, were it to be so.


Anyway, I wax philosophic.


There is a website regarding the idea of complaining - called AComplaintFreeWorld.Org which was started by a pastor. It's a non-religious site, and dedicated to the concept that if you stop your own cycle of complaining about things, and focus on the truth- or the facts - of your situation, then your life will move toward greater happiness. Why? Because you become more able to deal with what is really happening, than wallowing in what is not real - your complaining, whining, griping, and making mountains out of things instead of taking action based on fact and not emotional wrenching about things.

There is a way to order bracelets that you wear on one wrist, and when you catch yourself complaining, you move it to the other wrist. The goal is to not move the bracelet from one wrist to the other at all, for at least 21 days in a row. This is so as to entrench a new habit - of looking at facts of situations instead of reacting by complaining or griping about things.

It works. It makes a person much more aware of how they are reacting to situations - how much you gripe or moan or complain, even when it's just a small thing is amazing. I ordered bracelets and a bunch of my friends and I tried it. At first, we were moving our bracelets a lot!!!! But soon enough, we found out that this behavior happened because it was a habit - and we all became very aware of what it had done to us at work and at home.

Griping and complaining can really make a person unhappy inside - it can take over your spirit.

It can also make other people not want to be around you.

Google the website. The information is pretty interesting, even if you don't get bracelets (which BTW, can be free...).


SB

A bit more from the book - next few paragraphs:

From THE ROAD LESS TRAVELED by M Scott Peck, MD

Life is a series of problems. Do we want to moan about them or solve them? Do we want to teach our children to solve them?

Discipline is the basic set of tools we require to solve life's problems. Without discipline we can solve nothing. With only some discipline we can solve only some problems. With total discipline we can solve all problems.

What makes life difficult is that the process of confronting and solving problems is a painful one. Problems, depending upon their nature, evoke in us frustration or grief of sadness or loneliness or guilt or regret or anger or fear or anxiety or anguish or despair. These arr uncomfortable feelings, often very uncomfortable, often as painful as any kind of physical pain, sometimes equaling the very worst kind of physical pain. Indeed, it is because of the pain that events or conflicts engender in us all that we call them problems. And since life poses an endless series of problems, life is always difficult and is full of pain as well as joy.

Yet it is in this whole process of meeting and solving problems that life has its meaning. Problems are the cutting edge that distinguishes between success and failure. Problems call forth our courage and our wisdom: indeed,m they create our courage and our wisdom. It is only because of problems that we grow mentally and spiritually. When we desire to encourage the growth of the human spirit, we challenge and encourage the human capacity to solve problems, just as in school we deliberately set problems for our children to solve. It is through the pain of confronting and resolving problems that we learn. As Benjamin Franklin said, "those things that hurt, instruct.: I is for this reason that wise people learn not to dread but actually to welcome problems and actually to welcome the pain of problems.

Amazin - Cinders has explained it very well.

I have always thought that I'm here for a purpose. Not just here to take up oxygen.

And I have led a very blessed life.

But life is difficult, and it just blows me away that there are so many WS's who don't understand that. They take the easy way out and have an affair.

I have explained nothing. Dr Peck explained it.

The fact that life is hard is one of the basic truths of Buddhism.

I once heard it said that life is hard. When you accept that fact, that you are not the only one who does not have an easy life, that challenges will come and are a permanent part of life, then life will become easier because you will not see the problems as problems. They will become merely obstacles to an easy, happy life. When you learn to deal with them as they come, or even before the become full blown, they your life will be less traumatic.

Does that help?

You are correct! Cinderella has done a very good job explaining.


Thanks you Cinderella. I needed to hear that today.

Yes that helps alot.

There is a calm in thinking of life is a series of obstacles that need to be overcome. A series of puzzles that need to be solved so to speak....

PRECISELY!!!

When you realize that life is a series of rolling intensity, if you can imagine what I mean, the uphill stretches are not problems they are just tough stretches.

While going through my divorce, I redefined a problem. Some things are problems and some things are challenges. There is, in my mind, a difference.

I don't see things as real problem unless it has the real possibility of bringing about physical, financial, or emotional devastation.

Facing foreclosure on your home is a problem. Refinancing to pay for college is a challenge.

Being diagnosed with a serious illness is a problem. Being diagnosed with a manageable condition is a challenge.

Count me in as one who needed to hear this today!

Now, it was not my intention to start this discussion or to be the impetus for its beginning.

In reality, I have said repeatedly that 2008 has been a hard year for me and that I wanted a 'do over'. It really has been hard. But, when I consider the magnitude of my issues, it's not been nearly as tough as it could have been.

My children and I are healthy enough (even though my hearing has not recovered from the raging ear trauma), we survived our various bugs and flu and infections. My uncle who passed away did live a long and productive life and he was considered by most standards to be elderly. My mom is healthy and can care for herself and live relatively independently though she can't tell you what day of the week it is or remember how old the grandchildren are - usually.

But we have what we NEED though that may not be as much as we WANT,

So, you know, it's all relative. Read about the earthquake in China or the monsoon in Myanmar.

Life is hard. It really is. But, you can do it. If you don't have the strength to do it, ask for help. Most people will help you if they know you need it. Just open your mouth and ask.

We still have OVER HALF OF 2008 left, Cinders!! I made a commitment today to make some important changes for the rest of the year. As far as I'm concerned, 2008 just started. How's that for living in LA-LA LAND?

And Cinders, you have failed to mention or note your DIPLOMATIC SUCCESSES!!

ETA...MY LIFE HAS CERTAINLY BEEN HARD..but I'm THANKFUL...

One of my favorite poems...seems appropriate..

MOTHER TO SON by LANGSTON HUGHES

I equate this with what I had to tell my children when they were younger, and come to think of it, I still tell them at the ages of 23 and 25.

They were always so quick to wail......BUT THAT'S NOT FAIR!


Life is NOT fair. You take what you have been dealt and you DEAL with it.

People will have more than you...yet some people will have less than you. So, that puts you somewhere in the middle which means you are wonderfully average.

I might have been hard on mine because I didn't let them wail and vent about something too long.

You are only allowed to vent for as long as takes to find resolve for the problem....and you better find that resolve quickly!

I didn't let them go on and on about something that they considered unfair. I encouraged them to find ways to change that perception.

As long as they continued to vent and spew, they weren't fixing the problem.

I see that so much on MB. I wish people would stop with all the culture trend hype about "venting". It's about as overused and abused like the word "closure".

committed

Mimi - Nice poem. Would that we could all teach our children that lesson.

very good discussion all......

If I were to weight the pro's and con's of 2008, WE all know that my cons would far outweight my pro's......

BUT as Mimi said, it is not over. I can also look at my pro's list and see that is far more fuller than one would think....so I say lets use the REST of 2008 to outdo our con's....


and yes, my life may have been crappy, and I don't know of anyone personally who has had harder times, but I do know that I have been so focused on me that one of my bestest friends has a problem of her own that she JUST shared with me,,,,,and she has had it for a month.....she didn't want to WEIGHT me down....now thats a friend for you.....

not2fun

Mimi, thanks for the poem! I'll try to file it away for future reference, when my sons are a bit older.

Re. TRLT (The Road Less Traveled): Yes I recognized the "life is difficult" quote as the opening for TRLT. IMHO that is a very good book, worth reading. I think reading it increased my maturity level when my XW1stH left.

I really admired Scott Peck. I've read a couple of his later books, and was looking forward to reading others, including one that I'd heard was controversial.

A few months ago his name came up, I think on MB, in a way that prompted me to google him. Turns out he didn't finish out his life in as admirable a fashion, at least by my standards and by what I think are MB standards. (There's even a puzzling footnote in my copy of TRLT but I chose to believe it couldn't mean what it sounded like.)

I think I'll just be grateful for God being able to provide us with the wisdom of TRLT, and leave it at that. I still recommend TRLT, but maybe be careful of blindly accepting everything he writes.

I don't mean to detract from the wisdom of the comments of this thread. I agree with everything that has been said. But since Scott Peck's name was mentioned I thought I should post a warning about his later philosophies.

Thank you so much for this post to bring things back in prospective for me.

Life is hard, there are ALWAYs going to be curve balls. But I have learned is that, when I turn it over to God I don't complain about things or worry about them.

And when I don't... Well, you all got a dose of that over the last few days.

I took yesterday to pray and again, turn all things over to God and today I am back to my normal self feeling really good about life again.

This was a good post and I thank you for it and agree with it's concepts.

mlhb

I do think that the acceptance of the reality that there are difficulties in everyone's life frees you to acknowledge that life isn't perfect. That everyone has trials. That you are not alone. That you CAN survive the challenges. That accepting the reality of the challenges and dealing with them empowers you to deal with other challenges.

Thatwhen you live well, you are a light to others who, unbeknownst to you, are watching. You are someone else's light through their journey.