I recently had some issues with lying etc that my wife has caught me in and I've come clean. She continues to dig and finds little things that she gets really caught up in. I told her about every email account I have and she recently saw I had a Yahoo ID. I don't use it for email, never have. She thinks I am hiding things still from the past. I keep telling her I am not doing the things I did in the past that hurt her, ie flirting or looking at porn which I am not doing.

any advice on how to try to move forward? She keeps bring things up after a few days and we are back to square one. I really have changed my ways and have been perfect for months now.

I tell her she has to forgive me so we can move on and she says she can't. I'm scared she may give up and it will be the end of us with our 3 wonderful kids.

Tell her you want to give her total transparency. Ask her what that would look like to her. Then do it.

I have. She says I don't talk about the past or talk about work where some of my issues came from. I don't want to bring it up as maybe thats my issue, I am trying to ignore it after I corrected by behavior. I seriously come to work and work hard and do not gossip or flirt or participate in anything non work related at the office any more. I don't know what to tell her about work to please her without her thinking I am lying about what I do.

I've given her all my passwords to emails etc then she says you didn't tell me about yahoo. I was like I don't use it for email, its my homepage with stocks and tv, weather. She says it doesn't matter.

I just want her to be happy and to let it go and to move on. I just don't know what else I can do. I am going to try and talk to her about my day more often now as she has requested it. Hopefully she calms down again but it just keeps coming back.

What you can do is be more sympathetic about her feeling unsafe with you.

Read some of the threads on Infidelity posted by BSs (betrayed spouses). You will find the trust comes back veeeeeeery slowly. We're talking months, if not years. I realize you're saying it's just lying, but trust is trust. You're the one person she's supposed to feel safe with in this world, so if you're going to get upset that she's not 'just getting over it' fast enough, you're gonna have a lot more problems.

Thanks for the advice. I won't tell her she should get over it anymore or that I want to move on. I'll listen and try to be better, which I think I have but she tells me I haven't.

I trust we will make it.

davidrayjr
You sound sincere in trying to keep your relationship together and I hope you truly have given up the bad habits. One oops erases all those atta boys. If your wife catches you in the littlest possible lie, it will bring back the past as if it were today. Catperson is right, it will take a long time and until she finds a peaceful place for those nagging issues and questions, she will keep asking them. If you notice, her questions probably change or differ in slight ways as she is trying to comprehend and deal with each issue and question that arises in her thoughts. That is the process of elimination. She is trying to answer all possibilites so that she can fully understand and move on. It is a very slow process. There will come a time however that enough will be enough so that she doesn't become so obsessed that she can not think of anything else. Find positive things she enjoys to change her focus to. Just be there, keep being right, be patient and take care of your kids. Being a great father to your kids, spending real quality time with them will move mountains for you! She will see the change in your focus from only you and your needs to your wife and your family being 1st. If you build your family, you will be right and won't need anything else.
God bless you and your family, I wish you well.

Wow, I really like the encouragement. I sincerely have changed my bad habits. The main issue is I need to get away from my current employer where I began the flirting issues. I am being open and trying to talk about my day at work now, its awkward as I truly do not do anything at work but work and small talk but nothing like before. I am positive it will work out and I will continue being the best husband and father I can be. I pray everyday about this, often multiple times. I love my wife more now then ever because I've realized how I hurt her and how bad it sucks not to be truly trusted at the moment. I know I will get her back and appreciate the words. Thank you and God bless.

Pull up a legit website about a thing called pornware,its a
very damaging thing because it lays down in your registry and embedds itself in history,documents etc ,but show it to her!

It's been almost a year and a half since I've been dealing with the same sorts of issues.

My husband is doing everything "right" (counseling, complete transparency, etc.) and I'm still hurting from his actions. Much less than I was on d-day. But I'm still hurt. I imagine I will always feel hurt when I think about this period in our marriage.

My guess is she's struggling with forgiving vs. forgetting. How much to forgive and how much to forget. She may even be having issues with forgetting vs. letting go. I went through a period where I was extra vigilant. I was unwilling to be duped, fooled, and hurt like that again.

You are doing what she asks. When's the last time you went above and beyond? Are you doing that daily? Are you courting her again, daily, or at least a few times a week unprompted? For me, having my husband stop his behaviors wasn't enough. He had to "woo" me if you will. His wooing helped me feel loved and desired. If wooing her won't do it, figure out how to go above and beyond with her ENs. It might take a bit more work to begin to fill her love bank up, or at least to get it less negative thatn it's been.