Cat, I'm glad to be here. Seeing how you and others standing up for yourselves and your family and your marriage instead of getting stuck on the staying frustrated waiting for someone else to change is really inspiring to me. Seeing the progress over time really gives me hope where I need it.

I am so excited to see how the exercise with or without the ADs will alleviate your depression. And the setting accomplishable goals part, too.

I was asking you about your IC goals because I'm still trying to clarify mine My first goal in IC was managing my anxiety, and I am really happy with the progress that I've made with that. Even this weekend, I don't think I let anxiety get the best of me. Then we focused on career, and have learned more skills and taken on more responsibilities and have really become a much more valuable part of my team, acting instead of reacting. For my next goal, I heard that what we admire in others is what we value ourselves, so I think I'm going to work on taking charge where I need to, instead of blaming others and giving my power away.

Cat, I applaud you for your personal growth! I too am exercising all week like you plan on doing. It took a month and a half to get close to my goal of working out at least 3 times a week. I did it slowly and not consistantly at first.

1. First week I walked maybe two times
2. Second week I joined a gym but never went, walked a couple times
3. Third week I signed up for a trainer at the gym.
4. Fourth week I went to one training appointment and two walks
5. Fifth week I went to one gym class, one hard training appt and one walk.
6. Sixth week I went to one training appt, one hard gym class, and one fast hard walk. I was hurting the days after the walk!

In addition, I bought the 17$ program, Diet and exercise assistant thru Kehoe. I want to lose 20 lbs. You might google it it is fantastic. It figures out exactly how much food you should eat each day depending on your level of exercise, your weight, your nutrient requirements, and everything. And it is really easy to use. Here is how I used it.

1. First week I notated all the foods i ate on the program, (it automatically figures all the fat, carbs, protein and calories for all the foods and adds them up each day for you) I also took baseline BP reading and weight readings and recored it on the program. I chose the diet (one of three they offer or you can design your own) that looked like I could do it. I did not try to eat healthy.

2. Second week I again notated everything I ate. I was starting to see a pattern, and i kept on doing this.

3. Third week, I had lost a pound or two and noted my foods I ate and observed which foods I liked that were lower in fat. I noticed that exercise was hard since I had some extra weight.

4. Fourth week, I discovered a daily journal feature on teh Kehoe program and started recording what was sucessful and not and what I felt, for my eating habits that day.

5. Fifth week I had started eating the healthy foods i knew I should eat, and of courase recording that. I found that eating healthy (6 small meals a day) was not that hard to do once I found foods that were healthy that I enjoyed i just kept a lot of those around the house. Like I would eat an entire bag of salad mixed with cucumber,tomato, sunflowerseeds, non fat dressing and a few non fat croutons, I never tire of this and it is only about 180 calories and like 2 grams of fat.

6. Sixth week is now and I am really honing up my eating habits. It is hard to do the healthy eating and change my exercise habits at one time but I am doing it. I have made it top priority in my life.

7. Seventh week now I found out how to really hone my eating habits. I PLAN out what I eat with the help of the Kehoe program in the morning! Ahead of time! It is like training myself to eat right! I record what I am going to eat that day at 8AM!!!! WOW it works! I then eat what I planned out to eat in the amounts I planned out to eat it in!!!! I triedn this for the first time yesterday and if I vary from the plan, I adjust for it. Like we went out to eat yesterday. I felt bad but did it anyway. Then I went back and listed the restaurant foods and beer on my Diet and Exercise program. I looked and it did not blow my diet since i had only eaten salad that morning anyway. I had about 300 calories left to get thru the day without blowing it and i did it! well I went over a bit but was not hungry. And this morning I saw I had lost another pound! 17 lbs more to go! Now that I have worked at developing my "healthy relationship with foods", I will lose two pounds a week if I am lucky,,,,,hopefully. It takes a few months to get into this. I am not hard on myself if I slip or eat a bunch of chips or something.

*I have been finding out that when I eat healthy, and get exercise, i not only feel better, sleep better and am in a better mood, but i have wayyy more energy, happiness,and look better to myself. Also, I am more confident and diciplined in my daily activities. I dont know why it does this but it does. I feel once I master this, I can do anything I want in life***

I know you can reach the good exercise goals you have set. I will be there for you if you want to share your journey to forming good exercise and eating habits. It is hard at first but soon the habits come naturally and you no longer have to struggle at it. Let me tell you it is really FUN when your bad habits around food and exercise start to change into GOOD habits! WOW.

Cat,

Wanted to shout out HUGMUNGOUS kudos on finishing the taxes...an accomplishment I greatly admire! Also, big kudos on not taking the bait...seeing it...not reacting to it...and having a clear focus.

Huge strides...be tickled with yourself, 'k?

I'm going back to working out myself, today. :::making yucky face, just so you know:::

:::looking down at my salad right now and thinking of Stella:::

Better sleep, mood, energy...better sleep, mood and energy...

Okay.

:::taking inspiration from all of you::::

LA

Cat: Remember how I told you I thought your DH has OCPD? This is a classic symptom. They CANNOT ABIDE being told what to do. It's called "Demand Resistance". The only thing I would suggest is to try phrasing it like "What would you think about going through the boxes" instead of "Go through the boxes". Make him feel as if he has some control (yes, like a 2 year old). Try that and see if you have any better luck.

I've been reading articles about OCPD, trying to find out how to work with it, thanks.

Cat, if you belive that he's mentally ill, what do you think about talking to his primary doctor? Is he good about going for regular check-ups?

If we saw evidence that our guys were hobbling around on broken legs, we wouldn't hesitate to get help for them. It's really interesting to me about how I'm afraid personally to get H the help that he needs. I'm working on that.

We don't really have a doctor right now. Our old one retired, and since we moved I haven't found one I like yet. We have one we go to, but she's not the kind you'd have personal talks with. My IC gave me a list of good doctors, so I'm going to try them out.

Well, I guess I'm making progress, because today I was actually ready and willing to move out. If I had no debt, I would have. I wanted to tell him that, but I know if I did, he would do whatever he could to make sure I don't get out of debt so I can't leave. I hate being me.

Did something specific happen yesterday, or is it just that things as they are are getting clearer? Anything you want to talk about?

I only have the briefest second, but I wanted to use it to send you a hug.

{{{{{ cat }}}}}

I'm glad ears is here to talk to you. I may be able to get online later tonight to find out how things are with you.

Hi guys. I just woke up from a nap. I have to work the high school's all-night lock-in party for the graduates tonight, so I needed some sleep.

Just the typical frustration; maybe I'm just looking at this wrong; you tell me. We had spent last night from 6pm to 3am working on the props at the school for tonight's party, and they still had a lot left to do, cos of course hardly anyone showed up. Woke up this morning, told H that D17 wanted to go to the Galleria with a friend of hers to go skating; we don't have to show up tonight til 11pm. He does not acknowledge that I said anything about the Galleria, just gets up, tells me to get D17 ready cos he wants to show her what's going on at the school; I do that; come back down, and he's on his computer, says he has to send an email. So I start picking up around the house, waiting, D17 sits at the table and works on some writing. Almost 2 hours later, after his computer battery dies and he starts cussing cos he has to rewrite ONE of his emails, and he tells me to edit it so he can send it, we finally leave. I ask him if he's going to work at the school, he says yeah but not much, I say 'then let's take two cars.' He gets mad and says why, I say 'cos I don't want to be stuck there all day' (speaking from experience). He gets really mad and raises his voice and says 'I'm NOT going to be there all day!' I say 'fine' and we go to school, in one car.

No one is there. It's noon by now. We walk around, he gets madder cos nothing has been done, there's no one there to tell him what to do, he said he was hoping to get a free lunch (they provided us dinner the night before). We finally realize they are probably at the graduation ceremony, since most of the volunteers have seniors (ours is a junior). Here's my DJ, based on experience: he wanted to be seen as the saviour who spends two days straight making the event a success and get kudos from everyone, but there's no one there to allow him to do it (there's only one lady running the whole show, and she didn't bother to write down instructions for all the tasks so that anyone else could do it without her).

We stand there at the school, so I say (since he never answered me), 'Well, if we go to the Galleria now, K has to be home by 5 anyway, so we'll be home when the people start showing up again, and then we can get the rest of the work done.' Seems fairly innocuous, right?

He gets furious. 'So you guys had plans all along, right? As usual, I just have to go along with whatever you want to do, that's why you didn't want to come up here, cos you two do whatever the h&ll you want to do and I'm just expected to go along! If I had gotten here 2 hours ago, they'd still be here!'

So I make the mistake of saying, 'H, you're the one who sat down and started writing emails for 2 hours.' Wrong. Yelling now (because he's not getting to be the hero), 'It's not my Fing fault the battery died! I had to rewrite the damn thing! (forgetting the other 1 1/2 hours of emails) I didn't spend 2 hours on emails!' and assorted other complaints about how everyone screws him over.

So then he starts into his 30-year-old rant about how everyone uses him, never does anything for him, he has to do all the work, he paid off all my bills but I ran them all up again, his biggest mistake is taking over the car insurance payment for me and not 'making' me continue to pay him $300/month to help with bills, how selfish we are, how he has to deal with the 'nasty' letter I sent him (the apology letter in which I apologized for not being more appreciative on Mother's Day, but made the mistake of mentioning all the stuff at home I was hoping he would help with and how I really wanted to go north with my mom - so all he got out of it was it was his fault I didn't get to go on the trip and it's his fault that the house is falling apart). So as usual he rants about how much of a jerk my brother is, how it's my fault for not planning the trip better, and how he guesses he needs to just go home and work on the list of projects he hasn't done for 4 years.

I just quit talking cos I know it doesn't do any good to defend myself. It's at that point that I'm in the car thinking 'God, I wish I could afford to pack a bag for D17 and me and just go get an apartment.'

Get home, he tells me to take D17 and her friend to the Fing Galleria, since that's all we care about. He takes his car and drives off. Calls D17 a half hour later, tells her to go to the Galleria, she says never mind. By that point, it would be miserable to go, and if we did, he'd make sure to rub our noses in it that we don't really want him around anyway, he's just here to pay for stuff.

Calls me 3 hours later from school, being nice, telling me how he's trying to get stuff done (this is how he 'apologizes' and tries to kiss up), but then, as usual, proceeds to explain why it's still my fault that everything went wrong, trying to get me to say it's all ok and I don't blame him for getting mad. I just don't answer him; so he finally gets pissed off and just says 'bye' and hangs up.

That was 3 hours ago; haven't heard from him, guess I'll see him when I show up at 11pm.

But like I said, at least it pulled me over the edge so that I finally got to the point where I'm willing to just say 'I don't want you any more.' A couple years ago, I would have solved it by trying to kill myself to get out of this, cos I didn't have the nerve to leave. Now I have a goal. I'm going to take on each and every side job I can handle (I get editing/writing jobs on the internet) to make more money and pay off my bills in preparation for next summer. You guys, I need you to keep me on task, if you stick around here (or I do) for the next year.

Thanks for listening.

Hi cat, thanks for sharing that. I am sorry to say this, but my H and I were pretty horrible to each other like that for years. I remember how angry and disrespected and full of rage and retribution that I felt. I used to think about how I could get him back but good. Thankfully my anger went away before I'd plot anything. I didn't even think about leaving very often.

Cat, you talked a lot about his rage and his behavior. I think that it's really important to think through your piece, to look at how this is making you feel, to give it a voice. To look at what your choices are and how you would be willing to protect yourself. I think that it's really natural for women who have been abused and are currently being abused to buy into the idea that they have no choices. Because for example, when you suggest taking two cars, he takes his anger out on you.

I am so proud of the progress that you've made with the taxes. Did this create an imbalance there, like somehow he had to "get back at you" for "getting your way" on that? When did he get hostile, just Saturday morning? Or is he consistently hostile?

Right now, is he still in that "honeymoon" phase after the abuse where he'd agree to what you ask him? Maybe this would be a good time to set some groundrules, like you are going to take your own car until he has controlled his anger for a month? Or insist on MC?

I don't know how you feel about taking your own car, but in the suburb where I live, that was for me a hill to die on because there is no reliable public transportation. And even when I would go back to riding with him too soon, the kids and I paid dearly for that decision to place trust where it wasn't earned. Now that I am less afraid to ask for help, I have the option too of asking someone to pick me up.

About the apartment, you remember the poster here recently who got help at the battered women's shelter. Would your finances get better sooner if you separated, because you'd manage your one salary well, and his overspending would be his problem to own? I'm not advocating for that, just pointing out another option.

Hi ears. Did I sound like I was trying to get even with him? I don't think I feel that way. What I'm feeling is frustration, a feeling like he's never going to stop doing this, and I don't want to be the brunt of his emotions any more. I can count on one hand the number of times we've talked about these issues where he doesn't blow up or get uber defensive, as in 'there's nothing wrong with me.' It's hard to explain how he is, but the best way I've found to describe him is the Mr Right Syndrome, where he is terrified that anyone ever consider that he doesn't have all the answers, be right all the time, and be the cat's meow for all people and all situations. To even suggest otherwise throws him into super defensive mode.

I'd like to think that learning to talk to him about my feelings would make a difference, but I just don't see it. It's just too ingrained in him, he's too self-protective all the time, too negative as in the only way he can survive is by looking down on everyone and everything so that he comes out looking better than everyone else. He just never lets up; he knows he does it, we've discussed it many many times, but in his mind, he SHOULD be negative because everything else in the world sucks, and he's the only person with all the answers to fix everyone else's problems. In other words, if everybody would just listen to him, the world would be wonderful. So the one thing that I hate the most, that makes me miserable and drives me to drink, is the one thing that defines him.

I'm guessing that if I start taking a stand, like the 2 cars, I might be able to carve out a less frantic life, but after 30 years, abused or not, I can promise that he will not ever change his opinion that I am wrong for doing it. So it won't be like he becomes satisfied with the situation; if anything, he'll become bitter about it, as in the older I get the more of a b*tch I become. My problem, not his. What good does that do?

I'll have to think about the finances, but I see no way to make the bills I have now and also pay for living; he pays all those bills.

Thanks for the insight. You've given me a lot to think about.

No, you didn't sound at all like you were trying to get even with him. I was asking, because that's how I've felt when being verbally attacked.



Oh, man, can I can hear how frustrating it is! I hear you how you don't see him changing. I read that link that you posted about Right man Syndrome. And I have heard my H say such the same things, and even relate stories about his late father saying these same things and having these same patterns. Like when your H said to go ahead to the Fing Galleria because he knew you were going to anyway. Like people are miserable because they don't want to do what they are supposed to do. But he's not going to tell them what to do, becaue they're not going to do it anyway.



So what if he doesn't like you? Yes, it feels totally awful, I totally understand that. It's a natural process. But you went through the fire this weekend, and you survived. You can erect boundaries to protect yourself.

What I hear you saying is that you want to wait until you can afford a place of your own, so that you can feel secure that you can enforce your boundaries. Lots of people have had to do that. How can you make the meantime safer for yourself?

Cat, what they say about predators is to not be alone with them. Like if you're in the mall, and someone puts a gun to you and tells you to go to your car, not to go, top stay in as public a place as possible, because you are safer in public than once they get you alone. If they shoot you in front of everyone, that's awful, but your chances of survival are higher than if you let them take you to your car and drive away.

So I can use this in my life. My FOO wants to meet for Christmas? We go to a restaurant, or invite lots of non-family. There is safety in numbers. If my H starts yelling at me in the house, I go outside, because he isn't going to act up with people watching him.

He sees it as your problem, doesn't make it your problem. That's his truth, not The Truth.

Financially, what about meeting that CCC lady on your own? Would a bankruptcy be a good option?

Thanks, ears. I'll have to think about it. I've been focusing on taxes for so very long that I'm kind of adrift right now. I've been vegging the last few days, kind of a reward, so I need to refocus. I printed out some flylady stuff, and I think I'm going to start there. Something I can control.

OH. MY. GOD.

I mentioned to MrCat a couple weeks ago, after watching him call in payments to some of his credit cards (and pay $15 for each phone payment), that I now pay all my bills online, through the bank. I mentioned that I could do the same for him, if he wanted. I brought it up again a week later, and he gave me three of his bills to pay. So I paid them. Then I saw some more of his bills come in, and I took them and paid them on line, without telling him. So today, he asked me if I knew where his bills were, so I sucked it up and told him that I had paid some of them. I went on line and read off the ones I had paid for him. He said nothing. Tonight, we couldn't find some of his bills, so I brought it up again, and showed him the bills I had paid. He again said nothing, but he came over and dropped another pile of bills on my stack that I'm inputting into an Excel database for him (which I showed him). So he is now ok with me paying his bills! Like I said before, I think he secretly wishes I would rescue him from his own problems, as long as he doesn't have to admit he screws up.

I admit the way I approached it is sneaky, but I sometimes resort to sneaky with him because of an understanding of what I am in for with him. Even D17 knows it. For instance, took her to the dentist last month, found out she had 6 cavities! Never had a single cavity before in her life. But the first thing she said when she found out she had cavities? Please don't tell Dad! He won't understand - he'll just tell me I don't brush good enough, or tell me how he's never had a cavity in his life. I mean, she was crying because she didn't want to get chewed out by him. So we are not telling him about her cavities. I've told her many times 'just because we deal this way with dad, doesn't mean you can deal this way with your husband.' She agrees that she will never put up a man like that, so thank God for that.

Oh, Cat...

I'm not saying anything about what happened, your choices or his, or your DD's, 'k?

I wanted to share that I split our finances back during DH's A...he established his own checking/savings, and I opened my own...we left our joint checking/saving active with the same institution, so our direct deposits went in there, and I, too, paid our household bills from it...doing a spreadsheet in Excel (cue the eerie music, please), which listed out all the household monthly expenditures, totalling them...and then dividing that in two.

Then I took his net income for the month and deducted his half of the bills and paid him the difference.

I did the same with my net income.

He paid his own credit card, line of credit, his gas, his counseling sessions and any other bills he incurred from his own account.

I did the same...

Even during recovery, I had to make that mid-month payment to him...and yes, I did it with online pay. LOL.

Now, he's known for four years about me paying our bills all online. He continued to make his payments his way...mailing, in person, however.

I remembered he complained about late charges on two credit cards...from late payments...and that's why I'm sharing this with you...

I began to give up my money to help him cover his payments. I know, poor boundary enforcements...he bought a new car almost two years ago and I agreed to make the payments from our joint account, and the increased insurance from it, well, already came from our joint account.

He continued on in counseling every week for another $480 a month (which he did pay from his account). He couldn't afford the car (and his previous was adequate).

Two months ago, I said, "I can't pay you the same amount anymore...we've had more to pay due to the assessment and we won't make up for it for another eight months. I'm building resentment. Can I pay your bills from our joint account and stop paying you?"

He agreed and I, like you, put in his bills online. I showed him how to sign in, update the amounts, check the dates...whole thing.

He just informed me last week he got a late payment penalty...he said, "That bill pay screwed up." I said, "No, that would be us. Get the bill and check the due date." Sure enough, as credit card companies are WONT to do to us...they had moved up the due date two days total...one closer each month.

I explained our bill pay was awesome at timeliness within their program, adjusting to how fast the checks arrived by when they were cashed. Didn't mean "set it and forget it."

I asked him to call the cc company and ask for a set payment date and to remove the late charge as a one-time forgiveness. He said he would.

Doesn't mean he will. I set the date to one day earlier...I'm really against late payments from them screwing with them.

Since you're now paying his bills...when they arrive in the mail, I would open them, remove the statement, recycle to envelopes and junk within them, and double check the due date. Then check them online...and file the statements by company immediately.

When he asks if you paid something, show him how to check. Don't answer. Ask him what his concerns are...if he picked up the mail and put it some place else...show him your system.

You probably already know about the cc companies doing this moving up the due date...even none cc companies do it...

We can ask for a the same monthly due date...especially if we always pay. And I set our payments a hefty amount above the minimums...the max in my budget for each...so I don't have to check the amount required...though it may be a good thing to do, in the event he never gave you a certain bill to set up (one he missed).

Hey, you're really not alone! (And btw, my DH has a Masters in Finance. Can you hear me?)



LA

I lied to you. I want to say something about you choosing not to be radically honest in your marriage.

So I'm replying to myself to amend.

What you are teaching your DD is to withhold and control outcomes as if she can. To avoid conflict...when it my not be conflict. To control someone else's response.

Empower yourself and your DD in this one area, practice honesty statements. "Dad, I fear informing you about my life. I'm afraid I will feel hurt from your response so I withhold telling you stuff. I'm going to tell you now because I am an honest person. I went to the dentist and have five cavities. I know you don't have any. I believe you will blame me and put me down. I'm being brave and honest anyway."

Not verbatim...I know you are fantastic with self-expression...do not let this overlap and erase that so that DD becomes great with verbal deception. Then it's her father made her that way...when you did.

She can handle conflict, confrontation, sharing her stuff...teach her she has half the power of the experience...she controls her PERCEPTION. If he says, "Well, I never had a single cavity" teach her to take that statement about himself...to listen and repeat..."I hear you saying you can't relate to what I'm going through right now. I think it's awesome you didn't go through this. I'm learning."

Hand back what isn't yours...she already knows how to make what others think, feel, believe, perceive and believe ABOUT her...all kids do...until we example reality.

Don't put your DD's feelings above your marriage, your code of honesty or respect. Everyone will suffer...like carbon monoxide poisoning, you may feel more peace...and it will kill your relationships, anyway.

LA

LA, thank you for sharing. I can tell you that I don't have the bills set on automatic payment. I still check each one and set up each payment as they come in. I'm using Excel to doublecheck against the previous month, to see if the interest went down, and to include the payment against the total due - to show progress, if you will. We're too screwed up to use the auto pay. At least for the next year or so.

As for telling...I just am not strong enough. I've had this discussion with D17 at least 6 or 7 times. That what I am doing is dishonest. But that I'm mentally too unstable to deal with his outbreaks. That if I were strong enough and if I hadn't let myself get into debt, I would have left her dad long ago. But that I am trying to prepare our existence as calmly as possible, BUT that I know it's wrong, SHE knows it's wrong, and I hope to God she won't follow suit, because it is the absolute worst way to live for everyone involved, including her father. If I were a stronger person, yes I would be telling him the truth. I would not be parentifying my daughter. I would be letting him deal with the consequences.

But I tell you, and my daughter knows, that I am 2 or 3 strands away from breaking loose and just giving up. Despite ADs, I still find myself wishing I would get in an accident and just be gone. That it really wouldn't matter that much if D17 spent the rest of her life without me. That I would rejoice if MrCat would have a heart attack and rid us of our issues that I am too weak to tackle.

So there's my dirty secret. I'm weak. I lean on my daughter. I risk her future happiness by asking her help in making life not so bad for today. I want to escape. From a man who is 75% a wonderful man, 25% hateful, when I am 90% too weak to carve my own path.

So instead, I seek out tiny victories like this one. I look at my future hopefully because I haven't given up yet and because I'm not married to a physical abuser. And because, despite the handicaps I'm laying on my daughter for my weakness, I'm hopeful because I'm being honest with her and asking her to see beyond my frailties and to decide not to be like me. It's the best I can do at this point.

btw, I HAVE stepped up and practiced honesty in several places these last 6 months. Such as admitting my debt problem, admitting issues I have with his attitude, admitting that people are not entirely happy with him, admitting that I have lied to avoid his wrath. And I have had D17 admit a couple of things to him since I found MB, because I know the importance of honesty and how it can affect her. That's why we've discussed it several times this year, and I've asked her if she realizes the path she's on by withholding information from him. All I can do right now is be glad that I'm at least discussing it with her and looking for opportunities to discuss it with him.

cat, I see you making steps toward improving a lot of areas in your life, including more O&H. No you aren't fully there yet but yes you are taking brave steps that you've been afraid to take for many years.

What LA says is correct, it is important to be O&H and to teach our kids to be O&H, and I see you moving toward that. Just a little encouragement along the path, if you're in a place to accept that... It's so painful to think we might be doing something less than perfect with our kids. You are making efforts to minimize any bad effects of the unhealthy dynamics. Getting rid of the unhealthy dynamics is even better, and I encourage you to keep making steps in that direction. Keep the lines of communication open with DD like you are; and as you can, open up the lines of communication with your H. You ARE strong, not weak; you can do this. You've lived through far worse.

I think it's absolutely amazing how you have tackled the paperwork and the taxes. I feel like I have clutter in common with your H. I feel so grateful that ppl like you and my H put up with us. I bet your H feels grateful too. I can imagine that he may feel shame in the clutter and the financial situation, and that may be why he doesn't face up to it or discuss it with you. I bet he appreciates what you do.

I for one am awestruck. I once went 5 years without doing taxes, and it was complicated by the fact that I needed to file in both the U.S. and Canada. I gave it all to an accountant that my mom paid, and sometime after that my H and I started dating and H helped finish cleaning up the mess (mostly the canuck parts). I haven't done anything more than sign where H points ever since.

You're doing better than when you first came here. You offer so much wisdom to others, and push them along in the right direction. Are you feeling strong enough to receive a little bit of loving pushes in the right direction? I hear that you feel you are already maxed out and can't accept those right now. But awhile back someone (forgot who) called you on something, and you ended up being able to see what they were trying to tell you. I have faith in you, that you are strong enough to hear and to know what your limits are.

That other person (forgot who!) seemed to think that you needed more of a push than we have been giving you. I want to comfort you, I feel like comforting you. But maybe you need more than that sometimes. I dunno, maybe it's worth considering, if you think you can handle it. I think you can.

I hope this makes sense, and I hope it isn't doing more harm than good. I'm not sure how well I'm expressing what I want to say.