Hi everyone,

I got some very helpful suggestions from my other thread, husband issues, moved from another forum area? But after studying this website, I'm realizing more and more things that my husband is doing that I'm not happy with. I can't believe I didn't take notice and now I'm really feeling like an idiot.

Right now I'm pretty stressed as we are relocating to another state. He wants a 2 bedroom apartment for if we ever have company. Fine with me. Then he says that he invited his brother (20 yrs old) to move in with us while he is looking at colleges, still fine with me, his family helped us out a lot so I thought why not? He then mentions that he wants to help his brother get a car so that he won't have to drive him everywhere. I did manage to convince him that is a bad idea due to his recent bankruptcy.

Then he mentions that a friend of his wants to move with us too but that he would be getting his own apartment and not staying with us at all... Fine with me. Then when his friend found out how much rent is he wants to stay with us, hubby says fine. But that's not fine with me... I told him this and he said that it's my choice if I move or stay behind, and that if a friend needs help then he's going to help them... Well ok then.

Then he tells me that his sister and 2 friends will be coming to stay from Nov. to the beginning of Jan. (that's when they get their school break). I'd be ok with it for a few weeks but 2 months? I'm not too sure about that...

So after dealing with all this stress my head and neck were killing me today, I got home and asked him to rub it for me. He said no he's too busy. I know it's nothing to throw a fit about but that's the straw that broke the camels back! He isn't showing any affection and is acting like I have no say in anything. When I told him this he just looked at me and then turned away to his computer. I'm sorry to ramble but I needed to get this out, I'm fed up and I think I'm done.

It seems that you may need to seriously consider that your H may be gay, or consider himself bi-sexual. The friend moving with you would be the likely culprit if he is having an A. I am sure you see it as odd that a "friend" wants to move with you.

When I told my H your story he also wondered if he could be gay.

You mentioned that you have an aunt who is a PI. Are you close to her? Is she discreet? This seems like it would be the perfect situation. PIs can be pricey and if she is able to help, you will get information very quickly.

You ABSOLUTELY DO NOT want to move out-of-state without this information. And there is the worry about STDs also.

Don't beat yourself up about not seeing signs. We have all been there. You do the best you can with the info you have at the time. And if you love and trust your spouse, you give them the benefit of the doubt.

Start snooping in a big way. Do whatever you need to to get this information. Your entire life could be at stake here.

Keep posting and getting help and support.

Blessings,
WH2LE

Thanks for the reply...

I just wish I could turn my mind off and stop thinking... the more I think the more upset I'm getting. I remember a time when this friend was coming over to our house which he doesn't too often because he lives kind of far away (about an hour). Well my H sent me an email asking if I was planning on staying late to work (I usually do anyways) because this guy was coming over and they would be drinking and have loud music on, etc and they didn't want to bother me. I said sure I can stay late for a little while not thinking anything of it. Then I called as I was on my way home to let him know, he didn't answer but by the time I got to our road I saw the friend leaving in his car... Only NOW does this sound wrong to me...

My aunt and I are pretty close, and she is discreet. I have confided in her ever since I was a little girl. She actually caught her own husband cheating, you'd think he would be more careful with her profession right?

Thanks for the support!

Well, I don't know if he is gay but he certianly is an a$$. What kind of H would put a friend before his W?

IMO, call his bluff. Do you really want to be with someone that puts you last? If he backs down, you made your point and might earn some respect. If he leaves, well, he probably would have eventually anyway.

You do have a good point, I do not want to be with someone who puts me last... which is kind of what I was posting about in the first place. I just didn't really realize it was happening outside of the bedroom until now. I guess I didn't want to think about it. I'm trying to cool down but it's not working too well, I'm trying to talk myself into just getting the keylogger and waiting for a couple of days before I decide anything.

I'm guessing this won't be a problem, but DO NOT HAVE SEX with him.

Talk to your aunt. She sounds very gutsy. You are very fortunate to have someone like her to confide in.

Blessings to you.

WH2LE