Oh contrare.... or however you spell it.

You have WON. You have WON YOUR SELF-RESPECT AND THAT IS PRICELESS...

PRICELESS

YOu know, through all this and also things that have happened at work, one thing that I have not lost is people's respect, BUT I'm not sure how much that is worth. So far it hasn't got me anything useful, but I wouldn't have it any other way!

Not that you know of.

Yes, it did. WH agreed to your terms. If you didn't have self-respect you would have caved.

I am just learning to have self-respect and I know what a precious commodity it is and how easily it can be gone.

It's over. WH stayed for half hour. His worry was about an account we have in USA and the fact that we may be losing money. So we agreed to close it (he could have done it himself and I would have found out one month later) and to split the money. He also mentioned the sale of the house and agreed with the conditions and said that he wanted to buy himself an apartment and rent one for the girls.

At one point he asked me when I wanted to move and I answered "as soon as possible" but told him that I would obviously wait for the sale of the house.

so after talking of these things which we completely agreed upon I asked him if it wouldn't be more sensible to get divorced and he said he hadn't thought of it but would talk to his lawyer.

I think I gave the impression I am in a hurry to get rid of him... and that is actually the truth, I do want to get all this over with and I am looking forward to my new life.

So in the end, I'm not sure this meeting wasn't an excuse to see how I was feeling towards him! He said goodbye twice!

Like you, I believe in marriage for life. The best you can do is simply acknowledge that it is his decision how he behaves, and you seem to have done that. As I have told my kids, "If you cry, whine, or complain, go to your room." Your crying, whining, complaining and pleading would have driven him farther from you. As it is, you accepted his choice with dignity.

It seems odd to me that he would have met with you just to discuss an account when you have the sale of a house to consider. It still seems to me like he might have been fishing. In any case, maybe someday he'll wake up, but you have kept to your values, you have respected that he can make his own choices, and that is all you can do.
Cherishing

Think they'll be more meetings? (Wink)

I shouldn't make it easy for there to be more meetings

I'll email him about the account, and I offered to go to the bank alone and let him know...

On his way out he mentioned the door handle was broken and would I like him to send someone to fix it. I said no thank you, I'll get someone.

He looked as though he was sorry, but he didn't admit the situation at all! he's stubborn!

Are you thinking MAYBE..a CRACK? Feeling you out? How did YOU feel about HIM? Any LOVE?

What do you make of this?

Mimi, I actually feel like I have no clue what he thinks, how he can deny the whole situation. I can't understand that. I als feel very detached, like it's some person I have business with, I didn't feel at all angry or hurt, I felt attracted to him, but only as long as he is leaving my life and not coming back into it.

Does that make sense?

I don't want to repeat the past: when we first dated, after a few months he went back to his previous GF without telling me! At that moment I plan Bd him. It took 2 years for him to leave his GF and find me again, and it was just so natural... but we never explored what had happened, because he refused to talk about it.

That will never happen again. However natural it might feel to me. This time I know better than to follow my emotions.

He may become a gentleman caller...

You have me falling out of my chair..almost on the floor..LAUGHING my you know what off..

NOT A BAD IDEA AT ALL!!

Actually it's a great idea!

I deserve it and it's much better than a husband!

I assume you're in Plan B, yes?

Was there a plan B letter sent, if so defer him to that.

If there wasn't one, and he refuses to tell you "why" he wants to meet. Don't meet, you're in Plan B.

Plan B doesn't end just because a WS wants to meet. It ends when they are ready to commit back to the marriage and agree to all your terms of recovery. If he wants to meet to tell you he's ready for recovery, then he should be able to say thats his agenda for meeting.

Jo

But it's been way over 2 years, Jo...maybe 3 or 4 years...

Plus, CC and I are only KIDDING..I think..LOL...

CC's been listening to that MONK of hers.

CC, I'm not gonna even tell you where I am with THE BUGS...

I NEED MY ROLLING EYES ICON!!!

I've seen more than a few stories here recover after 2+ years of separation using the plans.

The idea of Plan B is to protect what love is left. If she has no love left and has no desire whatsoever to recover the marriage. Then I guess its time for a divorce.

And if this is the case, she doesn't have to wait for HIM to file.

Jo it's been 3 1/2 years of strict plan B.

It doesn't make much difference. Dr H told me a year ago that it didn't make any difference and that I could stay married if it was more convenient financially for me, which it was, but that otherwise he would recommend a divorce. It just wasn't worth continuing in plan B.

The reason why I didn't ask for a divorce was because it was financially more conveniant and because I didn't want to be the one initiating it. Now I got HIM to initiate it, hopefully, I only suggested it would be best since we are in fact dividing the assets and leading separate lives.

I am not playing games with him, I've never played games, not before, not now.

And since you don't believe in SPIRITUAL DIVORCE your GENTLEMAN CALLER would be your HUSBAND. How perfect is that? Still..LOL...

Mimi, OF COURSE I've been listening to the monk AND playing TB, level 12 getting to 12-8 nearly every time, the very last screen!!!!


You know, MIL and WH always talked about a family member who divorcd her husband and married another guy but the ex H would go to lunch every sunday. When the new husband died the ex H remarried the lady! I actually believe tht WH thought he could have his affair and at the same time keep up his family life with us!
He was wrong.