Have you tried a no lifegaurd on duty sign?

I dunno, sometimes it takes a bit of 'magic' to get your kids to do what's best for them, like eat carrots, so it's sorta the same but different.

Raccoons, eh? Hmmmm

Hey SL just checking in to see how things are going for you and the little guy! I hope all is well!

Good morning, mvg, and thanks for stopping by.

THINGS are going well for me and DS. He seems to be handling things so differently this time around, in regards to the separation. Part of it is that his dad has his own place and is alone with him. Part of it is that his time with DS is consistent, and can be counted on by DS. Part of it is Mommy is not angry, or sad or hiding her emotions so as to not hurt DS all the time.

I talk openly with DS, when asked, and he talks openly with me, when he wants to.

I really am so much more balanced now. I am not pining away for something that I HOPE is still there. I have no delusions about PWC. He is who he is today, and I accept that, and need to move on and stop trying to fit him in some mold. It's much easier this way. I don't know why I wasn't doing it all along; probably would have made our attempt at recovery easier. I LET him be who he was, but didn't accept it. I'm not saying we would have made it, cause this lady needs touchin and lovin, openness and honesty, which this lady wasn't gettin, but the stress level may have been lower.

BR tried to drill this into me over and over again. It took some reading and some AlAnon, and some friendly 2x4s and, in the end, PWC leaving, for me to find this place.

I still don't want to see him, although I did survive being around him at DS's birthday party. Thanks to a close friend, I just thought of him as furniture, on the fray. It did make it easier. We did speak and interact a bit, but no more than I wanted to.

Anyway, seems my sister has gotten herself into some trouble with her fiance, and has left him and moved home. THis relationship had issues from the start, so I didn't expect great things. Lots of alcohol, lots of obsessiveness, etc. Sis has always had these kinds of relationships. I hope she can find a way to work on herself, so that she can find her worth, and seek out those that are worthy. She really is a great gal, who has been dealt some rough circumstances. She has the ability to do really well for her self, but then sabotages it. I feel for her, but know that it's her journey, and it's up to her how it goes.

I have missed her a great deal, as well as DS. He thinks Aunty M is just the BOMB.

The sun is shining, I've almost got my pool clean, and I'm ready for my cocktail.

I hope to continue in a good frame of mind here. It's tough when the finances come and rear their ugly head. The cost of oil is killing me. I'm juggling to get it all paid. No matter. I'll do whatever I have to.

Ah SL you don't know how happy it makes me to hear you in a good place! Cocktails by the pool? Sounds like the way to kick off a WEEKEND!

Sending prayers for your sister. Some times life is tough. I'm glad you recognize it is HER journey. I have problems with being to overly involved with my girls BUT you are so right it is THEIR journey.

Blessings to you and little guy!

Well go ahead Miss Lady THANG!! (I just snapped a Z)

You're doing just fine.

Just do yourself a favor. Stop reading the self help books, even if it's just for the summer. I promise you've read enough. Get yourself something to read that you enjoy. Float in the pool, spend time with your newly single sister and DS. This summer's for you.

ENJOY IT D@MMIT!!

and if oil's such a big problem, try baking your french fries, I know, they're not as good, but with some Tony Chachere's and ketchup you'll never know the difference.

mmmmmm. Freeeeeench Friiiiies. It's not THAT kind of oil, though, BC, but thanks for reminding me of my love for the fried potato strips.

I'm going to finish the boundaries book, it's due back in a week anyway. Then I'll look for something fun. Promise.

My newly single sister needs some time to mend, but I think she's much better off right now. I know she doesn't FEEL that way, but she knows this is best for her.

My dad was talking to me about her and wondering if she's gonna be happy right away, relieved, if you will, coming out of a bad situation. I told him that I didn't think so. Even when things were so very horrible, it took me some time to grieve and deal with the CHANGE. Once she's had some time outside the situation, she will feel better. Just not initially.

I understand what she will go thru, and plan on using the same strategy that I employ with DS. I sit and wait for him to express his concerns to me. When he does, I tell him what I heard him say, and then I ask if he wants to talk about it. If he does, then we're off and running. Once he's gotten it out, we stop talking about it, and move on.

What great words to say. And so true. It's not our place to change them, accept them for who they are and have the wisdom to know if we want them in our lives as our partner. You are so strong.

It's so weird, I just emailed BR a few days ago and haven't gotten a response back. I hope she is ok. I know she was in Plan B for a LONG time and I was hoping for a little guidance. My prayers include that life is good for her.

How are you doing today, and what's on tap for the weekend?

SL,

Girl, you are just amazing me with how great you are doing!

What strides you have made in your personal recovery. You are truly an inspiration!

I particularly love the idea of viewing POWS as furniture. I find that helpful and plan to employ that at future events when Drac will be present. Thanks for the tip!

I'm with BC,,,, find something enjoyable to read for the summer!

While I am sorry your sis is going through a hard time, she is very lucky to have you there! I know your guidance will help her through the darkest of times. I know having you all around here still helps me sooo much!

Hope you are having a great weekend!!

Well, I dunno how much help I'll be. Sometimes we're like oil and water.

She lives her life on emotions. I've heard her say that love supersedes all things, even marriage. That we just don't have a choice about these things; they just happen. She believes when a love dies down, it's dead, never to return. It's VERY emotion driven.
I'm just not like that anymore, and I'm not in the business of teaching her.

We'll see.

She just left her fiance, a relationship that was very emotional and rocky, and is speaking to a guy she met while in that relationship DAILY, often throughout the day. She says he was her best friend (not sexual, not in love) while living with xfiance.

She wasn't married, but it still smacks of cheating.

Even if her fiance treated her like wallpaper, I think chatting it up with this guy is/was dangerous. I've said as much, and it has fallen on deaf ears.

She's single and can do as she pleases. I have only said that if she truly believes that love dies over and over again and has no hope of being recaptured, to never get married again.

It's just disappointing to hear how many people give up on love. It makes me wonder if I'm crazy for believing in real love, not the stuff of romance novels. SEems I'm in the minority. Fidelity and longevity in love may be a pipe dream. So very disappointing.

We'll see how this all pans out. We've both said we will keep out of eachother's business. I plan on it, but Sis has a tendency to want to TEACH me or change my mind. I have to keep reminding myself to not get caught up in arguing about differences of opinion, and just shake my head, letting her know that I hear what she's saying.

We used to have these long dragged out conversations/arguments, trying to change eachothers' minds. It's like chasing your tail.

Anyway, just had to get that off my chest. Thanks for reading.

I believe. It may never happen again for me, but I believe.

SL,

I'm with Chris - while it may never happen again for me, I do believe.

About your Sis,,,,,I have 2 older sisters. We have come to the point in our lives that while we don't always agree, we appreciate/value one another's opinions. While it may seem that you are just arguing, believe me, she does SEE by your example and she does HEAR your words. Even if she argues back to you at the time, what you say does stay with her and someday will be very helpful to her.

I could never have made it through my sitch without my sisters. I thank God for them every day. They really don't realize how much I tried to save my M. They would not have really understood, and that's Ok. I know that they always have my best interest at heart and that is what is important.

I think sometimes it is those that we are closest to that we don't always 'see' the way we would if it were someone outside of our family. Too much close history. I'd bet my bottom dollar that years from now, you will talk about this time in your lives and she will thank you for being here for her and for the guidance you have given.

Have a beautiful day!

I value my sisters' opinion. We just come from opposite sides of this particular argument. She left her last husband when the love died. Then, after about two years, right when her estranged husband filed for D, she said she made a mistake, but it was too late; he had found another. Then she went from one bad relationship to another, repeating that she SHOULD HAVE stayed married. Now she says it was a passionless marriage, and she never should have married him in the first place, but did because my mom said he was THE ONE.

She's very mixed up, has no clear line of thinking. It's just confusing.

I accept it. I just don't happen to agree with it. If she did only marry because my mother thought him a good catch, well, then, she made a HUGE error in the first place, and a great harm to a man who did not deserve that. I think of him often, her exh was a really great man; I hope he is doing well.

I have to say, when the poo went down with PWC, she was very supportive when talking with me. I'm just in a different place than she.

Don't get me wrong, here. I like the FEELINGS that accompany being in love, but I won't be deciding on a life path according only to how I feel. Some things, that are really good for you in the end, are very difficult in the beginning, and don't always feel so good.

I love my sister a great deal, and appreciate her differing perspective; it sometimes just hurts to hear some of the things she believes, because they are the very things PWC professed about his FEELINGS and why he just didn't FEEL like doing the recovery thing.

Just thought I would post an update. Nothing to report of great consequence. Life is chugging along. DS’s last day of Kindergarten is tomorrow. It’s amazing how quickly it passes.

My sis has moved in with me, and has landed a job. She will be starting next week, so the financial strain may lighten up for a little while. This will be a good opportunity for me to pay some bills down and save a little money, if all works out.

I’m doing well.

I had a conversation with Sis where she mentioned that you never know what could happen, in terms of my marriage; that PWC COULD have his epiphany, and start changing his ways. I told her it may be too late, but I wouldn’t know until or if it actually happened. I have no faith in him anymore. I’m certainly not hanging on to him at all anymore. I’m moving on.

It’s too much like WISHFUL thinking to believe that PWC would choose to change his current trajectory and work his heiney off for our marriage and family. He’s had plenty of time to figure it out. I’d say he’s made his choice. He’s spent most of his time showing me how much he doesn’t want me or his family life, and I have to take his word (and actions) for it. It bothers me to think about him, much less talk about him. It’s confusing, too. He is no longer a real part of my life. He’s on the periphery. He’s my son’s father, as if he’s a sperm donor. He’s reduced himself to that for me. Such a pity. I once cherished this man. Weird.

Anyway, I’m just living my daily life, not thinking too far ahead or too far behind. Living more in the moment. Life seems sweeter that way.

Well, Sis is right in that we don't know what the future really holds. Yet you are very wise in your evaluation of things. I think it's a very real, very practical outlook. It's not overwhelming negative, either which says so much about how solid you have become! You aren't looking for the pie in the sky, nor are you wallowing in the sorrow. An excellent, and oh so very difficult balancing act!




Good for YOU!!

You most certainly deserve the sweetness of life! All of us here sure have had enough of the 'bitter' to last for a while,,,,,,,,,,and we have (I think) all grown through these times to where we APPRECIATE the 'sweet' even more. I know that I recognize more of the 'sweet' than ever before.

Glad to hear an update from you.

Yes, definitely. I still have those ups and downs, but they are more normal, less extreme. I still work on the disappointment and sadness I feel, but I accept it as a part of grieving. There's no way around it, only thru it.

THese last three years, I always felt like I was siting on the edge of a razor, one slight adjustment and i was cut. It was very painful. It's just nice to not have that right now. I'm sure when the D process starts, I'll have a few cuts and bruises to go along, but I'll get thru that, too.

There's nothing like no choice.

My sponsor once told me, if you STOP in HE!!, where are you?

So true, but how we react to it is by CHOICE and you are one AMAZING GODDESS.....

Queenie, baby!

So proud of you today. Such amazing words you spoke to your kids. I've only got one, so it's hard to imagine having to deal with three broken hearts. I applaud you for taking the helm of your family and letting them know how it's going to be in your home. A home of love. That doesn't mean it's going to be easy. It does mean that it will be better.

I've been working on this very thing with my son. He would do something wrong, like hit a classmate and I would respond by flying off the handle and playing the heavy. It was backfiring left and right. I was so raw all the time back then (one year ago plus), it was easier to let all that emotion, those feelings, flail about, even if it hurt him. Then I would feel guilty. I'm so happy to have learned a better way.

I'm no longer like this. I practice parenting, guiding, and discipline, in the form of consequences.

I have a much better relationship with him now. We have much more respect for one another. I just want him to feel safe.

Gonna go read a book to the kiddo right now, and then maybe watch a movie.

It's DS's last day of Kindergarten tomorrow. I feel bittersweet about it. He's learned so much this year and made such good friends. He's growing up, and I get to have a front row seat.

Oh wow, last day of kindergarten. It is a HUGE deal for both parents and students. I am glad he had a good experience and learned alot. I personally know how hard teachers and schools work to bring the very best to our kids.

You do have a front seat as well as get to be his greatest supporter. You would be shocked at how parents don't play a part in their kids lives.

It has been a good day for me and my recovery. Two of my kids have responded, but OS is still not choosing to come home. He is so much like his dad when he gets into this mood. Oh well, I just have to keep the focus on what G-d wants me to do and leave the results with him. Haven't we heard that a time or two.

How long is vacation for? Are you going away?

His summer break is until the last week in August, then it's on to FIRST GRADE. Wow

I don't have major vacation plans, since the budget doesn't allow for much, but I live between B'more and DC, so I plan on some outtings to both cities and all they have to offer the kiddies. Also, Six Flags is not far from here, so I may take him there.

It's going to be a good summer.

I'm going to see Robert Plant and Allison Krausse for their "Raising Sand" album tour, tomorrow evening. I have really been looking forward to it. They sound so beautiful together.