Queenie,

I hadn't really thought about the double whammy until the morning, when I realized I was hyperfocused on PWC's emails, dissecting them and becoming angry. It was STOOPID and I stopped myself. I hadn't realized I would take my uncle's death so hard.

When we talk about MB's and people who have lived with these principles my UncleB and AuntD are two that always have. I have such admiration for the both of them. They have not been given an easy life, either, lots of cancer and heart disease issues. They were always so loving, so warm, laughing, and ALWAYS together. It's like they had a secret formula. I'm thinking of AuntD now, and what she must be going thru. I can't wait to hug her.

LG, thank you for your thoughts.

SL I can imagine with losing your uncle that does cause TRIGGERS. Keep your head up and your brain on high alert for those. (((SL)))

SL,

Just wanted to pop in and tell you that I'm thinking of you and your family today.

Prayers & hugs,,,,

Hey SL just checking to see how things are going with you.

Take care.

Good morning, ladies and gents.

I'm doing well. Stress is higher these days. Bills piling up, trying to get used to having a roommate again, hoping money will start flowing in from her new job soon. That will help offset some of my debts.

The funeral was good. My UncleB was a retired Marine Corps Master Seargent. He had a military funeral. DS jumped when they did the gun salute. Taps made me cry, of course, the finality of the setting sun and all. There was a dinner afterward at the church that my mom, aunts and uncles went to as children. My AuntM said that it hadn't changed since they built it back in the early 50's. It was nice to go somewhere that my mom had been, that was special to our family.

I was triggered during the last few days. I suppose I just miss my family, and some of what USED TO BE.

When you were a kid, did he run around hollerin "WHAT IS YOUR MAJOR MALFUNCTION NUMB NUTS!!?"


Aren't you from Arkansas, was that where the funeral was?

being a chemist, you could probably make a nice living back in the Mountains making the old "Mountain Dew" if you know what I mean.

My prayers are with the family and I appreciate your Uncle's service to his country.

Not UncleB. Nope, he would get you to think about what you've done. He was subtle in his attacks. He used brain power to get you to realize you were numb nuts. Rarely did I see him raise his voice, except in song. A gentle giant. My family hails from Knoxville, TN.

My dad is a connesseiur of THE 'Tennessee' whiskey. YEUCK!

I had it ONCE and that's exactly what I did, although I can proudly say it took 6 shots to get me there.

I thought it would be a good idea to poor a GLASS of it, when I was about, hmmm, let's just say I was a teenager. Can we saaaaaay STOOPID! Now the smell of it makes me wanna

As we were driving back home, we passed a JD truck. I thought my dad was going to jump onto the back of it and ride it like Slim Pickens as Major Kong, riding that nuclear bomb.

Belated condolences, SL.

(((SL)))

Thanks Guy!

As the day wears on, I am feeling better and better. I'm surrounded by friends and family these days, and I rebound from sadness much faster. It's those blessings, they carry me a long way.

I was glad to see that you had a MAHVELOUS time on vacation. Sounds like you have a lot of blessings to count, yourself. I hope to make it to the beach this summer sometime. It won't be OBX, but all I really need is the sun and the waves, and I'm set.

Your uncle sounds like he was a great man.



That's what makes personal recovery such a great gig!

Now I have to personally recover from spending two weeks with girl basketball players. Oy!

Still trying to catch up on the threads. It sounds like there is a new shovel in town and some conversations regarding Waste Management trucks. I know a lot more about those things than saving marriages anyway.

I figured the trip would have been bittersweet that way. Good to see relatives but sobering at the same time.

What are your plans for the weekend?

Plans, you ask?

I am going to swim, then mow, then swim some more , then eat , the swim, then weed whack, then eat , then swim somemore again, probably down a margarita or two then sleep , then I'll get up and go to see WALL-E (PIXAR RULES!!!!) probably laugh and cry because the aforementioned PIXAR RULES , then eat some more , then play some games :D, maybe swim again, then wind down the weekend and sleep some more

Just don't forget to eat and swim

cause that would be just tragic

so far I have golfed :D, bud lighted , stuffed porkchoped :), bud lighted some more :D, cigared :/, and checked in WOOHOO!!

tomorrow - coffee :D, help a buddy move furniture , golf some more if it ain't raining :D, cut some grass if it ain't raining , maybe some Buffalo wings(SAAAWWWEEEEET!!) and probably a few more budlights and a cigar WOOHOO!!

Sun - coffee :D, Church (The Body of Christ), golf if it ain't raining :D, then CHILLIN PEOPLE!!

Have a good weekend PODNAS!!

How very George Costanza of you, BC.

Ah, yes, CHECK, doing that now.

Looks like it's gonna be a hot one for mowing, but it's gotta get DUN.

Hey SL,

Just thought I'd drop in and say you have a GREAT plan for the weekend.

In fact, I'm with you and BC,,,,,,already started with the coffee this a.m. Although I wish it were some good chicory coffee. I need to re-stock some of that.

You sound good. I am sure that the funeral/family visit was good & bad all mixed in together. I'm glad you are taking the time for a rather relaxing weekend to sort of 'recover'.

I have the mowing that is gonna get Dun today, too. I ended up losing a day of 'work' at work & home yesterday with a trip to the ER with my Mom,,,,,,,,,,long story that I'll update on my thread.

Hope your plan works out MAH-VE-LOUS-LY today!!

BUUUUUUUUG BOOOOOOMB!

She is DA BOMB!

Gotta have my coffee. I'm drinking Dunkin Donuts House blend. It's a good every day coffee.

The trip seems more distant now, so the triggers have abated. The triggers have reminded me just how much I love my husband and wish this weren't so. That's okay, though. Reality is that he is not the man for the job. He's shown me he can't face his crimes against me and his family. Too bad, for if he was man enough, he would find a loving, supportive family, if he began the ascent out of his abyss (it must be dark with your head up your [censored]-prolly could use a pith helmet with a light).

Anyway, I recognize I have been beaten into submission, and now agree that we should divorce. I still can't say it's what I want, but I will not remain married to this new guy, and live a life of celibacy INSIDE of a marriage. eeeeewwwwwww.

Ok, I spit my coffee on the screen!! Good one! Do ya think pith helmet and light would fit??? Drac needs one, too! Perhaps we could get a quantity discount and pass them out around here


Hmmm, a lot was said in this paragraph. Do you really feel 'beaten into submission'? I don't think that you do, but it's tough to find a way to describe the WS who REFUSES to change and leaves us with little choice because "I will not remain married to this new guy".

It's the only choice left to you, yes. But like all things in life, it IS a choice. It took Great Strength on your part of Face that decision and Make that decision, and now to Act on that Decision. All Active things on your part which is very good & very healthy, in what had become an unhealthy situation.


Nope, not good for anyone to live that way. And, you know that this was just one indicator of the other unacceptable things in the relationship dynamic that POWS had created.

Triggers are gone - - a bit of residue left from them is normal. You are doing so, so Great!! I true Goddess who I am honored to know!

Plus, you have a ZTR mower!! SWWEEEETT!

I don't really feel 'beaten into submission'; I was just foolin'. PWC didn't change. I didn't want to live with him as he was; too painful for me. Some people can remain in this type of marriage. I choose not. I chose to end it, just as he did.

I have very few, if any, regrets over my decision to save the marriage, and the ensuing years of trying. Even though I was angry, I showed love in the face of such adversity, when it would have been easy to show venomous disdain. I was consistent with my message, that our marriage was very important to me.

These last few months since PWC left have been good for me. The anger has subsided, and I don't feel as much like a heel as I did right after we decided to separate. I felt like I had been duped. Truth is, recovery is tough business, and you both must be all-in in order to survive, much less thrive. I wanted no less than thriving. The effort was not there.

I wasn't beaten into submission, so much as SHOWN CONSISTENTLY by PWC's actions, just how devoted he was (it wasn't much). That left me with a decision to make. I choose divorce.

I've learned some valuable lessons about myself.