Hi ~

I finally have a chance to post again. My first post was yesterday in the "Other Topics" forum. I couldn't go into any detail on what I need to talk about or why my husband and I are having issues.

It's a long story. Heh.

I met my husband in 1997 at my job. I worked nights a local library while I went to college full time during the day.

I was going through a bad time because a close friend of mine had recently committed suicide. I had very strong feelings for him, and his death was very difficult for me.

At first, I didn't like my future-husband-to-be. lol! After I got to know him, I realized we had a lot in common, we both come from similar cultural and religious upbringings and we had a lot of the same interests and beliefs. (sometimes I wonder if maybe I latched on to him at all was the need to fill the hole my other friend's death created in my life ~ but that's water under the bridge now).

My husband was diagnosed with ADHD at a very young age, right before that diagnosis was just starting to be popular. He was given a very high dosage regimen of Ritalin and he blames a lot of his "issues" on that.

According to him, because of the Ritalin, he has difficulty sleeping. He also experiences anger issues, anxiety, self hatred, impulsiveness and has hurt himself when in extreme duress. He has never shown any violence towards anyone other than himself. I've gently suggested councelling, but he just says they'd put him on medication, and send him on his way.

Time went by, and eventually we rented an apartment together. I had been very apprehensive about doing this, even though we had dated for 8 years. I was concerned because I saw how he was at his parents' house and I feared the same patterns would repeat themselves (neglecting to do chores, leaving messes, not turning off lights/water, etc.) He assured me that once he "had his own place" he would behave differently.

Then, we purchased a house together. As interest rates started to drop, and the housing market became a buyer's market, he really wanted to purchase a home. I disagreed ~ I wanted to save up a little money first... we had no savings and were still paying down our credit card debt and student loans. However, he was adamant. He did a small job for a local real estate agent and she had him convinced that it would be now or never. I agreed to look and we immediately found a diamond in the rough.

A new housing development in an up and coming affluent college town with good schools in the exurbs of Washington DC. Priced under $300K. As much as I wanted to do things my way, it was a good deal and fell in with his enthusiasm. I had my concerns still. I could still easily get to work, but he would have to find a new job, AND we would have to move about 1.5 hours away from our families (which is really far for him). And he hadn't kept up with his promise to do chores and not make messes. *sigh*

We took our vows in October (in a courthouse for simplicity), and settled in November 2007.

Since he had to relocate, he did not look for a job until we had moved to the house already (Grr..) It took him two months to find a job! With bills piling up on one income (he quit his former job, so he was ineligible for unemployment), I was able to pay the mortgage, insurance, car payments and the utilities, but I was forced to let other things slide a little (cell phone bills, student loans.) I tried working things out with our debtors and did all I could do.

He did not understand this. He got very upset with me that I let ANY of the bills get behind (um? Where was I going to get extra money?). It's been several months and we are FINALLY caught up, but we are still skating by, paying late fees now and then because either he or I gets paid a few days after a bill is due, etc. Now he is insisting that if we aren't one month ahead on everything, soon, he wants to sell the house and move back home. He says that I have to take a second job to do this. This has me VERY upset because I know he means it.

He gets upset (loud and "yelly") a lot lately and tends to blame me for everything that goes wrong. I'm desperately trying to keep the household together: keep food in the fridge, the bills paid, the laundry done, the house clean, even the lawn mowed, etc. all while having a 1.5 hour commute to work (I leave at 6:30am and get back home at 7:00pm). But if "my" cat hacks up a hairball or makes a mess (one time she knocked over the trash can... bad kitty! ), he goes in to a frenzy about the house getting "destroyed" and how embarrassed he is about our house ~ remember, we are first time homeowners and we don't have much furniture or accessories yet, which is unacceptable to him).

I've tried to "give" him tasks to do (fold his own socks, take turns cleaning the bathroom, mow the lawn, etc.) but he doesn't do them. He waits and waits and waits... until I just do it myself (and then I've gotten scolded for DOING them ~ "I was going to do that!"). I've "gone on strike" and not done things... but his only reaction was: "you're a lousy housecleaner". It almost seems comical, but OMG he's serious! I've even started mowing the lawn because when it was up to him, the yard looked like a mini wheatfield. We have an HOA for cryin' out loud!!

"It's my fault" he can't sleep because I keep the air conditioning setting too high (because we can't afford to have the stupid thing blowing all the time)... I made concessions: I set the temperature to 72°F not 78°... He keeps setting it down to 70°. It was like this in the winter, only he kept turning the heat UP.

Also, I apparently snore and toss and turn in my sleep. I've tried nose strips, but now I think I'll just start sleeping in the guest room if it bothers him so much. He needs to have the TV on to sleep ~ he claims white noise doesn't work, and a pillow speaker wouldn't work (I think he said that it would strangle him or something... lol, cheesy excuse if I've ever heard it). So now I sleep with earplugs and a mask so I can sleep (which actually makes me really sad because I like opening the window on cool nights and letting the frogs, crickets and/or falling rain soothe me to sleep). Then in the morning, I can't get him to get out of bed. I depend on him to drop me off at the train station for work in the morning because the gas prices are preventing us from taking separate vehicles (he has a gas guzzling pickup, I have a fuel efficient Saturn). So, I'm usually late for work at least once a week because we can't get to the train station on time. I'm working on organizing a carpool from my neighborhood, but that hasn't happened yet... so I'm working on a solution to that problem.

But when I say something, about how put out he makes me feel, he lays this guilt trip on how HE can't sleep and I don't understand what it's like and how awful it is to sleep in the same bed with me.

I've only scratched the surface... any advice on how to deal with the bedtime issues? Usually the bedroom is more of a source of stress, not seduction and I'm trying to figure out if I'm being unreasonable. I can argue until I'm blue in the face, but he always has a reason, excuse or a accusation in return. I don't know how to approach this problem (as well as several others).

Thanks...

</rant>

You guys need a marriage counselor! You're never going to sort all this crap out without a mediator. It sounds like you just come from two different planets.

First thing I would do is determine what your boundaries are, because you just described you giving up on about 30 or 40 of your likes/dislikes/goals/opinions. I don't see where he gave up on anything! Stop it now, put your foot down, or you'll be getting a divorce.

You think?

I know you are only hearing my side... I'm sure he has valid concerns about me... I'll openly admit it. I ain't perfect.

I'm convinced I don't know how to state my case on a lot of things and that is why things are so lobsided right now.

He tells me constantly that I don't communicate. And he's right. I'm a very amicable person who likes to make people happy. Problem is no matter what I do, I nothing makes him happy. I can adapt. I seem to adapt to anything fairly well, but you are right. I shouldn't be the only one adapting.

When he is upset or is venting or even having an on-the-level discussion with me, it is very one sided. I can imagine it would be frustrating for him, but I just clam up sometimes. I have to work very hard to find the right words that won't upset him, that sometimes, okay most of the time, I don't say anything. Weird, I know.

You are exactly like me, and 30 years later, I barely speak any more. At all. To anyone. I never laugh any more. I always make sure H is happy and gets what he needs, cos it keeps the peace. But getting anything back in return requires me having to endure him telling me that I'm being selfish, etc. Because I let that pattern become entombed in stone after 30 years.

A marriage counselor, if you want them to, can do nothing but help you both learn to communicate. The one time I went with H (3 visits, actually), was the only time in my marriage I've ever told him exactly what I was thinking. Cos there's someone else in the room helping you along, keeping H from interrupting or running roughshod over what you want.

You really should consider it.

Well,

I try to participate at an arms-length level with the HOA (you have to be careful, those things can suck you in... ). I'm also hoping I'll meet some people in my neighborhood that I can socialize with. He really has no interest in that.. he is tied to the area where we came from and doesn't want to make more friends in our new area.

I have a good job where I am highly respected and depended upon. I KNOW my job is important and protects human lives and the environment. I don't know what I'd do if I didn't like my job and coworkers. I have several friends from work that I talk to outside of work as well (at least via internet).

I'm friends with his sister and mom, and sometimes I gripe about him to them... they understand because they know him, but I don't want to demonize him either.

I'm an introvert. He's an extrovert. We are opposites in that respect. I like my job, but it can be very taxing on me and I look forward to some solitude (which I usually find on the train ride home). He gets off work and wants to be anywhere but home. He always wants to go here, do this, do that. He is more than welcome to go and do whatever he likes, I trust him. I wouldn't stop him. But he wants me there. All the time. There are times when I've said flat out NO. A good example is band practice. I hate going and I refuse to go unless transportation issues mean I have to come along. He'd have me go everytime with him. I know the other guys in the band think I'm there to "chaperone" or something and it makes me feel out of place. However, whenever I get a chance to let him go by himself, I do. He's argued that it shows that I don't support his interests and once or twice he's argued that he may fall asleep at the wheel without someone to share the drive home with him (that argument has worked once or twice).

As an introvert, I don't inherently understand why he carries on the way he does. I mean, there have been times where we've driven for hours and he had not stopped talking. You know how taxing that is? Especially when it's seems to be the same thing over and over and over again. It can be distressing, because he begs for an answer and I don't have one to give. I don't just blather answers if I don't have one to give.

Thanks for chatting... I really just need to get this stuff off my chest. Like I said in my first post, I need to talk it out. I know it may seem like I'm focusing on negatives... bad if you believe in The Secret, but you know, I have to acknowledge them for what they are and dissect them to maybe get a better understanding on a better approach. It's worked for me before, only this time I don't have the luxury of talking to myself in my bedroom with Nine Inch Nails blasting from my stereo (It's been a while since I've gone into this type of situational examination).

BTW: I'm getting ready to head home (slow Friday here at work), I may not be online until next week, but I may get a chance during the weekend, I don't know with it being Father's Day weekend and all.

Wow, you are REALLY exactly like me! My husband calls me the minute he steps out of his office and never stops talking until the minute he pulls in the driveway and walks in the door; THEN he hangs up the phone and starts talking in person. All about him.

I would like nothing more than to live by myself, on a lake or ocean, and never see another human being, except my daughter. But I am here to tell you that it is precisely because I DIDN'T put my foot down 30 years ago, that we are at this point.

Please start taking care of yourself, standing up for yourself and your needs, and EXPECTING him to cater to you a little bit more.

When he does that, ask him to give you examples of when he has supported YOUR interests.

Start taking back your life. Let him do his own chores. Do what you need to do for yourself.

I'm with Cat Person. Tell him exactly when you've supported him, but it's not necessary to go to band practice. He's obviously very selfish. That'd be like me expecting my W to go to my soccer games or throwing practice(she'd go if I really wanted her to but I'd have to be honest with myself and realize she'd just be bored after 10-15 minutes).

I think the MC is a great idea.

I don't see why you're mowing the lawn. My father would have a heart attack if I had my W mowing the lawn. I was always taught that men do certain chores around the house (mow the lawn, change the oil, fix stuff, etc). Have you asked him if you guys can set aside 1 day a week to where both of you do some deep cleaning and he hits the lawn?

I haven't read this whole thread, just the first post and glanced at cat's response.

Wow... I feel guilty... I've told cat I have some things in common with her H (unable to organize paperwork mostly) and now I have something in common with your H too...

Please don't think I'm really bad, I don't do all the things you are complaining about, but I suffer greatly from insomnia. I'm not sure why, but I think it's self-esteem... when I just lay down and close my eyes,I start thinking all sorts of things I did wrong, etc. I can't go to sleep unless I'm "distracted". I feel really bad for my H who has learned to put up with it. Like right now, I'm sitting in bed, he's beside me, and I'm typing on my laptop...

I tell you this not to T/J, but to give you some ideas, if your H is willing.

There are of course suggestions on the web about how to have good sleep habits. Like, don't go to bed until you're sleepy, don't use the bed for reading, tv, or anything besides sleep and sex. If you aren't getting to sleep then get out of bed and do something calm like read a non-exciting book.

Those don't necessarily work for me. The not trying to get to sleep until I'm absolutely tired works. But I feel I need something like tv or the radio to sleep, cus it fills my brain with thoughts other than all the mistakes I've made. Tv or radio is even better than reading, cus I can close my eyes and fall asleep without even knowing it.

So... for the tv, I use headphones and turn the brightness down as low as possible, and set the sleep timer for 1 hour. If I know it's gonna be on that long I can usually fall asleep before the first commercial. I just need to know I won't be left alone with my thoughts... That sounds terrible doesn't it...

Even better than the tv, at least for you, is the radio with headphones. I liked to listen to Art Bell at night cus he speaks in a monotone. Or I listen to podcasts on H's iPod, or eBooks that I've downloaded.

If your H won't use a pillow speaker then he may not use headphones, but if it helps you can tell him I haven't gotten strangled yet. Look, the norm is to go to sleep at night in dark and quiet. If he's the one doing otherwise, then he should be the one wearing earphones or earplugs, not you.

Gosh y'all, I feel like apologizing on behalf of me and your Hs.

But as a whole, everything you mention, it just sounds like he never grew up. He went from his parent's house straight to living with you. I dunno how to deal with that. I see a lot of similarities between your sitch and cat's. If you bust yer butt to keep the household afloat, you're enabling him to continue living irresponsibly. But if you sit back and let the consequences happen, then you are hurt also.

I'll read the rest of the thread and let you know if I have anything useful to add.

I agree with the others, MC is a good idea. If he won't go, then you go to an IC, to help you learn to speak up and set boundaries, etc. What cat says is right, if you don't do something this will only get worse, and he is running roughshod over you now.

MC really helped us cus my H just felt I was complaining unreasonably (not about sleeping! we had other problems, some of which were his fault). Hearing from the MC that my requests were reasonable made a world of difference.


You are NOT being unreasonable. You are being normal. He's the one with insomnia - if he can't sleep with you in the same bed, then he should be the one to sleep in another bed. But if you want to sleep in another bed, I wouldn't try to talk you out of it -you have a right to a good night's sleep, and it may just wake him up - er, no pun intended! - to how much the tv bothers you.

You've just mentioned a bunch of ways in which you've given in on things that a reasonable person would state as boundaries.

First of all... catperson: [[[]]].

I've considered marriage counseling... worry not. I need to have my thoughts organized first... that is why I'm here.

Jayne: You may be on to something about self-esteem and insomnia. I remember in my preteen years, I had difficulty sleeping, only instead of obsessing over "what I did wrong," I obsessed over why kids picked on me so much in school (I was a misfit with few friends ~ one of those kids that the school administration kept separate during recess for fear of my safety ~ and I went to CATHOLIC SCHOOL!!!)

He says he does the same kind of thing, but he also complains about tinnitus too. I used to have the TV set to turn off at 1am, but he changed it to 3am. Is he really staying up that late??? When we lost power the last time, I didn't set the timer (keep forgetting). Though I remember whenever I wake up at 4am and turn off the TV (though I'm half asleep and don't ever feel like searching for the other remote). Never mind ~ I just set it..

As for setting boundaries with chores... I DO need to work on that.
My one friend at work always gives me a hard time: "Don't do his laundry!!!" I didn't when were at the apartment. I just got sick of taking the extra effort to separate it out all the time. Also, when he does his laundry, he waits until he has no clothes ~ he wears a uniform to work. I really hate to hear him scream and yell in the morning when he can't find any clean clothes. Now he just does it about socks (I'll wash, but I won't pair his socks because I did it once and he whined I had mismatched his socks).

You are right. He moved directly from his parents' house to living with me. They essentially kicked him out when he turned 30. I encouraged him to get a place with some of his guy friends, but he wanted ME to move in too. Yeah, THAT would have worked, NOT! I think part of the reason we are in this holding pattern is because both our mothers were stay-at-home-moms. We both grew up having our moms do all the housework (his mom even does the mowing) and the fathers brought home the paycheck. He is used to it ~ he even told me once I was a "poor life manager" for him (um, WHAT!? THAT'S NOT MY JOB!! And I told him that). I put up with it because that's basically how I grew up too. Does that make sense?

I need help saying the right thing a lot of the time because when I do open my mouth, it comes off wrong (or he intentionally takes it wrong). He goes on and on about my "radical independence"... hee hee hee *sigh*, because I don't leave my cell phone on (I only turn it on when I need it).

It seems whenever I start to argue that I'm being roughshod over, as you've put it, he always goes on about what hardships he has to face on a day to day basis: hates his job, hates his commute, can't sleep, sore muscles, etc. and the fact that I enjoy my career and sit on a train to go to work and sleep well somehow means I have to give him a break. I don't know how to say, "Yeah, but...." without sounding like a total b**** (at least in my mind).

It affects our love life BIG TIME. Whenever he goes into Mr. Hyde mode, it kills any desire I have for him. Who wants to be intimate with a person who is unpleasant to be around? He just says I'm frigid (and emotionless), but whenever I get worked up for an evening of romance, he picks me up from the train station and the first words of his mouth is "You have to do something about this train being late." Then, POOF! Oh well, I guess we're watching CSI Miami reruns the rest of the night. I've told him this, and I'm going to cautiously say that he understands because he tries to be positive (or at least not negative) for a day or two... Heaven forbid that I'm not in the mood those days.

Anyway, I've got to get back out and finish the lawn. We have a deal that I do the flat parts and he does the hills. I don't mind much, though I wish he'd just do it. Part of the reason I even compromise on this issue is because he says he is allergic to cut grass.

Thanks.

Wow. Are you sure he's not MrCat? Good grief! Your H has a victim complex. He gets what he wants and gets you to comply by 'proving' that he deserves more attention than you. When I don't pay enough attention to MrCat when he comes home, his favorite phrase (heard it a few hundred times) is "I should have just stayed at work, since no one wants me to be at home." Cue my opportunity to say "Oh I'm sorry honey, I was being selfish. Let me get you a drink and bring you your food, you're so distraught. What else can I do for you? Would you like a massage?"

I'm working really hard to just IGNORE him when he pulls this crap, as you should. Just like you'd ignore a kid stomping his foot so you don't encourage the behavior, you've got to start treating your H like an adult. Next time he does that, just look at him and say 'Really? You're going to pull that old trick out?' and walk away.

Start reading up on boundaries. You need 'em bad!

Wow, I didn't realize you were God! ... or at least the train engineer.

He just lays on you responsibility for everything in the universe, huh?

I just had a thought - I hear that you want to get your thoughts in order before seeing a MC. I suggested an IC earlier, but I'm getting converted to the idea of... don't laugh... "life coaches" for some problems instead of counselors. It's tough because it seems anyone can nowadays hang a shingle and call themselves a life coach, but if you get a good one who has actually had some training in psychology etc, I think it can help. Counselors want to find out *why* you are having problems... life coaches just try to change the behavior today, for example by training the brain into new patterns of thinking. It might also be the same as what cognitive behavior therapists do.

You could look at it as treating the symptom and not the underlying cause... or that you are just learning to do the best with where you are at *now*. I think a good life coach can produce good lasting results faster than counseling.

I think you would benefit from someone who can help you work out specific things to say and do when your H tries to assign responsibility to you that is not your responsibility.

Bah,

I ignore it. Though I think it is a pretty lame thing to do, blaming things like late trains on me. It's just one more thing that makes his existence so horrible.

That's one thing I can credit myself for: I don't fall for his "Whoa is me" gimmick (at least, not very often). He just says I'm being cruel and uncaring, but I can't be constantly comforting him... especially if what bothers him is simply point of view.

This morning, he had to drive to Northern Virginia, so we stayed at his parents' house. Since I work in DC, I suggested that he dropped me off near work, but easy enough to get back on the road to his destination.

He wanted to drop me off at a bus station, so he wouldn't have to go out of his way. I didn't want to do that because I didn't have any cash on me and I didn't want to pay $3 to get a $20 out of the ATM, then find a way of getting change so I could pay $3.50 to ride on the bus. Especially since my work is not far out of the way.

The entire time, he griped over how he would already have been a LOT closer had he not had to take me to work and that he was going to be late (he had 2 HOURS to get from DC to Northern Virginia ~ even in the WORST traffic I don't see that being a problem). He whimpered and cried and carried on nearly the whole time! Once again, I ignored his overreaction... but I still puts a big knot in my stomach when he does that.

At this point, my recommendation would be twofold. First, get a little tape recorder and get in the habit of carrying it around with you. Every conversation you have with him, turn it on. If you can figure out how, transfer it all to one tape/CD that's nothing but his complaints/woe is me's/victimization. Then, when you've got a full hour or two of it, give it to him or else play it for him when you're stuck in the car together. Let him get an earful of how he sounds.

Then, start transcribing all his comments into a Word file. Just keep a running tab, with dates if you can manage it. When you've got enough gathered, show it to him; show him how you've filled up an entire notebook of his crap. If he's not interested in listening to it or reading it, or listening to you about the issue, then tell him you're going to start going to a counselor and show it to the counselor for help in getting him to grow up. That ought to embarrass the h&ll out of him, hopefully enough to make him stop and think about it.

I forgot to add that him talking like that all the time tells me that he may actually be feeling like you're out to ruin him or something. If you care to go the sensitive, caring route, you can bring up the subject at a safe time/place and ask him how he feels about you. The way he talks sounds like he's at war with you, that he feels like he has to protect himself from you. See if he'll fill out the Love Buster questionnaire so you can 'figure out how to make him happy.'

Oh my gosh... I've totally thought about that! But I don't quite know how to implement the recording thing without having to get full spy gear.

That is one thing... I don't want to embarass him like that. He really carries on and I were him, I'd be so hurt that anyone would "record" me. I'm a little iffy about talking about it to anyone as it is.. I've only resorted to "writing it down" here because after like, 10 years, it's really starting to wear me down.

It's funny you mention the "you're trying to ruin me" aspect... he's thrown that into the conversation every once in a while. It's more like I'm trying to "sabotage" everything important to him.

It happens whenever something like when we have to be a certain place at a certain time. He gets all worked up if we are late for something for him, usually because I'm running around picking up all his loose ends and I make him late. Oops, sorry. (forget about the fact I've left all the lights on upstairs... hurry up or you'll make me late!). I have to admit, sometimes I DON'T hustle, but maybe because I don't see the critical importance of getting to band practice EXACTLY on time (they won't throw him out if he is 10 minutes late).

I've tried to give him a dose of his own medicine... when I was late for the train recently, I just bawlled... *sigh* it was a combination of wanting to test his reaction and a little PMS... His reaction was essentially: "O Jeezus ~ you're being obnoxious, we'll just go to the next train stop." Yeah, how come when I suggested that a few months before, you insisted I run under the gate, risk my life crossing in front of a stopped train because HE didn't want to go out of his way? That day I tripped and fell onto the tracks... it was quite frightening for me and I won't do that again.

Yeah, I get that impression too sometimes. Always a competition. He's always right (I'm not the only person who notices that about him). Then, when I do get fed up and "stick up for myself," I'm the one who's wrong, or mean, or unreasonable.

Thank you for pointing to the questionnaire, I'll take a look at it before I post again.

You might want to take a look at my thread over on Emotional Needs. It's called I Can't Talk He Has No Problem. Our husbands could be twins. You might learn something from all the advice people have given me.

At this point, I think you have to start putting yourself first, just to survive. Because he sure won't do it. Basically, boundaries. Awww, he's going to feel bad if you tape him and embarrass him? Poor baby. Maybe he'll think about that the next time he tears you down.

Honestly, please think about it. But a voice-activated recorder and just have it on the counter the next time the two of you are going to be together in the kitchen. It'll be easier than you think.

I loved it this morning... Husband: "It's not MY responsibility to take you to work [train station]!!!" .... My response: "But you're driving MY car! How do I get to work otherwise???" OMG!

BTW: I read the LoveBusters Section.... I'll comment on it soon.

I just wanted to add: Last night was nice. We got home, I went grocery shopping and fixed dinner. One of his favorites: Mac and Cheese with ground beef and onions. I took a small portion of the ground beef and made myself a sloppy joe sandwich because I want to cut back on the pasta. (What's worse than Freshman 15? Cohabitation 30!) He did the dishes(!!!)... I dried the pots and pans. We chilled out until bedtime listening to the radio (Recorded episode of Coast to Coast AM from last night) while I read a book. I went to bed (he stayed up) and watched the thunderstorm approach.

Then, this morning... [go back to last post].

*sigh*

Yes! I love C2C (used to be Art Bell's show): when on long car trips, it keeps my brain occupied to stay awake to drive; when I'm at home, it keeps my brain occupied so I can stop obsessing and fall asleep!

Does he find it helps him sleep? Would you have an easier time sleeping beside him if he was listening to the radio rather than the tv? Maybe a small radio turned down low, under his pillow, running on batteries so no cord to strangle him?

I found a good article in the April 2008 Reader's Digest on sleep - how to fall asleep better, etc. A couple things were, eat a dinner higher in carbs than the other meals; and have milk and cookies at bedtime!

I'm glad you had a nice night. Sorry it returned to normal the next morning.

I look forward to reading your thoughts on the LBs.

I got him to mow his part of the lawn yesterday... though this morning he complained about still having a headache from it. (All in all, he was pretty good this morning... maybe it was the huge amount of pasta he had with the exercise - maybe he got a good night's rest).

He has band practice tonight... I'm going to ask if someone can give me a ride home, however he wants me to go so I can drive part of the way home (practice is about 1.5 hours drive and it usually isn't done until 10pm at least).