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I'm wondering how you can EVER look your kid(s) in the eye after something like that...or, how could a child ever look a parent in the eye afterwards?
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OK Here is my suggestion. I would keep WH out of the house (for his own protection) until he has demonstrated a significant change in his core beliefs !!!!!!!!!!!!!! His CORE BELIEFS currently permit random salacious nudity with strangers. And, I am sorry to add - if his core beliefs permit this - there is likely MORE he's done that you have no knowledge about. Here's what I would do - give your husband the phone number for counseling with the Harleys - leave the rest to your husband. ONLY consider reconciliation when your husband has arranged a phone counseling appointment for you to discuss your husband's progress with the Harleys. Do you get what I am saying. You don't poke around and ask questions. This is entirely up to your husband to fix. You consider a possible reconciliation AFTER you discuss what progress your H has made with the Harleys. Your situation requires extraordinary precautions. If, in the Harley's opinion, your husband is making good progress - a final requirement should be your husband willingly and gladly and gratefully taking a lie detector test - arranged to suit you. He has to earn back the privlidge of being married to you. Set the bar very very very HIGH !Pep GREAT POST PEP!!!!!!! Disgusted...(aren't we all....) Pepper's post above is so great and sound advice (And since she is a respected VET around these parts, take careful consideration to it...). This plan of action she gave you, gives HIM the control to change himself and YOU the time to figure out what YOU want no matter what he does..... Sorry you are here, it really sucks, I know. Though I do have to say as sad and awful as your story is, you had me laughing at some of it all (pork and beans......  ...NEVER heard that one....). Not2fun
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Dis, ""It will be very difficult for him to be accountable when his family is telling him that it's ok to do.""Was your H the one that told his family? If so, then what he told them and the extent of what he told them would explain their tolerating this behavior. Is he still starring on the web site? You could email the link to the site to his mother. Kind of like exposing the A. And it is a form of an A in my mind. Since the A is based on fantasy, and that this guys "pork and beans" are attracting the opposite sex is a HUGE fantasy. I'm sure this site has more homosexuals checking out the pork than females. And disgusted, STOP WITH THE "PORK" AND THE "PORK AND BEANS"...YOU ARE KILLING ME!!  kirk
CORDUROY PILLOWS ARE MAKING HEADLINES!!
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Yes he told his family. No he deleted that website right away, but I used the 'print screen' key and saved all the incriminating evidence. I plan to write his mother a nice letter with all the pictures of him dressed and undressed on that website. It also includes the comments that were left by the other women.
I did call his mother to maybe get a little support? You know something like, yeah he went too far and it was wrong and I'm sorry he hurt you., but all I got from her was "well, it wasnt like he stuck it in anyone" that was NOT what I was wanting to hear from her.
His older brother said "boys will be boys"
I did snoop into his emails and found that he also belonged to another website. His profile read "looking for man/woman woman/woman, for 1 on 1, or group 3 or more. In the vicinity of 40 miles of our town.
There was one email sent by a naked girl (he had 3 pics of her) she was asking for more pics and that she loved him too.
So, he was actively looking.. he says he never hooked up with anyone but HOW do I know hes not lieing.
He will not set foot in my house. Just thinking about him makes me sick.
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See, thats why I cannot see him. I lost all respect for him. My daughters as well. Even if I could give him another chance, I'm already destroyed. I don't think I could ever get that website or those images out of mind.
I think I have made my decision.
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How do I find out on my own if he has cheated? I really only have his word on that?
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I think I have made my decision. Disgusted, While I completely understand where you are coming from, I want to urge you NOT to make any DECISION yet. The reason being is that right now your emotions are high. Again, understandable. But, you need to make this kind of decision that is not so much based on your emotions of the moment. Since he has moved out, you have some space. Now, why not give yourself some TIME??? Time to cool off, calm down, and think rationally. You may find that you end up changing your mind. Heck, even if you do, you may change it again. Trust me on this...... This is why I love what Pepper wrote to you. You never know what you may decide to do if your WS changes his mind and does change himself....... JMHO...... not2fun
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How do I find out on my own if he has cheated? I really only have his word on that? It doesn't matter - you have made your decision. Pep PS - get tested for STDs
Last edited by Pepperband; 06/13/08 05:02 PM.
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How do I find out on my own if he has cheated? I really only have his word on that? It doesn't matter - you have made your decision. Pep PS - get tested for STDs Pep,,,,, I don't think she has really "made" her decision. I think she is highly (and understandably) emotional. Otherwise, why would she care??????? not2fun
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in your marriage has your husband portrayed aspects of intimacy with you that make you believe that he is capable of understanding the true gift from God that intimacy really is...no.
has your intimate life been one of respect and fullfullment for both you and he... I thought it did.
does he seperate himself in front of you from being the type of person who can engage in such internet things....or is he crass and selfish with you as well...yes he seperates himself.
does he defend his actions by seperating them from you and any impact between your and his relationship..I'm not sure what you mean?
does he practice any religious beliefs that teach a much greater respect for his and others bodies...He has no religious beliefs.
does he see the need to apologize for abusing the 'children's computers....No he never apologized for that. The only thing he has apologized for was hurting me.
does he show any insight at all...
what is his reaction to any of this? He didnt really have a reaction when he was caught. He looked at the floor. I asked him why? he said he honestly didnt know why he did it and that he still loved me.
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Where do I find the number for counseling with the Harleys? I will give that to him.
I totally agree with you pepper. I will set the bar very high!
Thankyou!
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Sorry bout the pork n beans 
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Sorry bout the pork n beans No worries - I saw Something About Mary ... so I knew what you were talking about scroll to the top of this page - see the red bar? click on "coaching center" Pep
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I actually know people on this forum who have watched 40 Year Old Virgin............NUMEROUS TIMES!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I actually know people on this forum who have watched 40 Year Old Virgin............NUMEROUS TIMES! Those are some SMART folks with discerning tastes...OBVIOUSLY!  It was " Franks-n-Beans" in Something About Mary, btw...  so_disgusted...I'm so sorry that you are here for the reasons you are! I am very glad that you found MB though--You are getting some GREAT advice on your thread...((((so_disgusted)))) Mrs. W
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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Speakin of the devil!!! **snort** 
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Thankyou and I really needed that hug!!
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This is not going to be "easy" for you (emotionally difficult) - but the procedure is actually quite simple (meaning the process steps are clear cut) Either WH does what he needs to do - or he does not. There are no *re-entry points* for "I'm trying". There is no negotiating the requirements. He has a choice. He has complete freedom. You do not have WH imprisoned. He is free to do whatever he desires. If his desires/choices do not meet your standards (keep 'em high) - he has chosen to leave the marriage on his terms. Re-entry is 100% at YOUR terms. Simple - NOT easy Pep
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((((((((((((Disgusted)))))))))))))) Is that a big enough hug for ya???? Anywho, you have an AMAZING VET here helping you, and it warms my heart that you are taking her advice to heart. That's the one great thing about the VETS, they have been where we are. AND they came through it...... Have you read "Surviving An Affair"??? I recommend you go get that. Even if your M doesn't survive, it gives a great plan for making ALL marriages work, even one who haven't dealt with this issue...... Hang in there.....I know this all sucks and is hard (BELIEVE ME I KNOW....I've been dealing with my sitch for 7 months now and am just STARTING recovery..), but this is a great place to be. And heck with your "pork and beans" humor, we could use a little more of that around here..... not2fun
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