I'm curious. Perhaps I missed this in reading through this site. I'm not sure why I see that when a wife/husband doesn't have their email password why it is a red flag.

Before answering your question, can you tell us if there is Infidelity involved in your Marriage?

No. We don't have infedility issues. I can see what you're getting at.

KT...if you mean you see where infidelity would be much more difficult with transparency in sharing passwords, then you're right on.

Radical honesty aids enforcing marital boundaries. You can be each other's support. Transparency encourages intimacy...doesn't build to blind trust...where secrets prohibit a thriving marriage.

It was shocking to me when I got here...but then, at the time, my husband was having an affair.

LA

KT,

I think the idea is that if you don't have anything to hide, you don't hide anything. Partners in marriage should have no secrets...email included.

If your spouse just hasn't given you the password, I don't see it as a red flag, but if the spouse guards the password and refuses to share it with you, then it may indicate a problem. If your spouse is unwilling to share part of their life with you, there is reason to question why they are unwilling to share.

Those of us who have experienced infidelity see that if there had been true transparency in our marriage before the affair began, that many of us might have avoided the pain of infidelity.

HTM

I understand what y'all are saying. My wife and I both have 2 email addresses-1 for work and 1 for non-work. We don't know each others passwords but we haven't asked each other for it.

I can see how being the victim of an A would make you paranoid (I don't mean that in a derrogatory way).

My experience with infedility was before marriage. I went out one night and got completely plastered. I awoke with my girlfriend (now my wife) beating on me. It took me a bit to even realize I was in bed with another woman. It took other people that had been with me to piece everything together that had happened the night before. My girlfriend then went on to repay me in the same manner as I had hurt her.

We realized how horribly we had hurt each other and worked on our relationship. We still had issues over the events years later. It took a lot of work and time to establish trust again.

My H who has had EA's on the Internet was sure to give me his pw for his hotmail account and leaves all messages in the inbox and sent box for me to see. He does not use IM anymore for any reason.

My H has never asked me for my hotmail account pw, although I would gladly give it to him if he wants it. I have not had any EA's or PA's.

If you and your W don't find a need to have those pw's then this is not a red flag in your situation.

In a post that I made earlier today, the WH would "minimize" his IM chats and refused to give his BW his password to his email. This WH had a know A.

See the differences?

In my thread someone had said that it was a red flag that my H doesn't let me have his PW for his email. He works at home and is online all day. If he is chatting with someone in messenger or email he minimizes the screen if I'm walking by or whatever. I haven't actually "caught" him yet, but in my case I can see why they think it's a red flag. And he does know my email PW.

It was me och84.

My H had Internet EA's and was a member of several chat groups so I take that very personally and see it as a red flag. That is coming from my experience. What you described of the minimizing and secretness of it rings true for me.