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I will try my hardest to disuade him..but if he goes I'll tell him he can come home when he feels like it. EXACTLY...I like this... Once DS15 called WH mom by mistake and OP turned to him and said "you can call me mom if you like!!"DS15 told her he wasn't speaking to her!!
DS15 also doesn't like seeing them being affectionate either. This is all so DISGUSTING..makes me want to throw up... I HATE ADULTERY..HATE IT..HATE IT... ((((((HOPE))))))
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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Even let him know that YOU NEED HIM..if you have to use that... ditto
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Thanks Mimi..
I have 2 days to plan my speech..
BTW OP has 3 teenage boys,aged 12,14,16!!You can imagine what its like.Come to think of it now DS15 always says the 2 younger boys are nice..maybe they're no threat to him..
BS;ME43,WH45
DS19,DS16
DDay:6Dec06
WH left12Dec06
DIV:3Dec08
WH marries OW 21days later!
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Now we can see, with a deeper understanding, what is motivating DS15 to do/say some things.
It's NOT YOU !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Why he thinks you should "help Dad out" ---> in his heart of hearts he wants his Dad out of Casa Drama - and in his immature 15-year-old logic - he hopes that if Mom talks to Dad, helps Dad get a loan - that Dad will see Mom is a good woman and return home.
And if that plan fails (Mom is not cooperating) - DS15 will move into Casa Drama and take over from there.
He's a kid.
A confused conflicted kid.
His Dad is acting like a jerk. DS15 loves his Dad. It is always hard to know what to do when the person you love is acting like a jerk. Even for gown ups. For teenagers running on testosterone - it's a powder keg.
Pep
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I don't know if you remember, but ex and I raised 8 kids together - when we married they were 5, 6, 8, 11, 12, 12, 14, and 15.
It was a LOT of work, and no matter how we treated them, there was always one who thought they weren't getting their fair share.
I'm going to give this affair another 3 months - over by the end of the summer. That's my prediction.
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Believer,
You are forgetting that you and your husband were MARRIED.
There's a BIG DIFFERENCE.
Her boy knows that his father is having an affair.
That HURTS SOOO MUCH even if he's NOT living in the midst of it. To see your father being affectionate with his HO when you are just beginning to establish relationship with girls...it pains my heart to think of this for him...
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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In fact, once son moves over the casa drama, I would be sure to take a little mini vacation to get away from it all.
THAT will burn up the OW.
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So then he has to JUSTIFY in his YOUNG MIND.... in order to deal with the DEVASTATION...that it is OK..when it is NOT..his father is being IMMORAL and SINFUL..not a ROLE MODEL to look up to...
DISGUSTING....
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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Yes, Mimi, and it wasn't an affair marriage.
But by the time a boy is 15, his values are set.
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I'm going to give this affair another 3 months - over by the end of the summer. That's my prediction. Yup!
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But by the time a boy is 15, his values are set. NO WAY, BELIEVER..NO WAY..I don't agree with this... Kids are more emotionally immature these days... And I'm not talking about his values. I'm talking about his EMOTIONAL WELL-BEING... That would be a TRAUMATIC SITUATION... The AFFAIR affects the children just like it affects the BS... At least, it did my son and he didn't even live there... He about went NUTS..and he was around 15 or 16 then... Just now getting back to normal...
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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But Mimi, she really has no choice. She can forbid it, but that will just make her son more resentful and draw him closer to the adulterors. Letting him go, with reservations is the best way to let him make the best choice.
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But Mimi, she really has no choice. She can forbid it, but that will just make her son more resentful and draw him closer to the adulterors. Letting him go, with reservations is the best way to let him make the best choice. ditto
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Pep I never saw it that way...that this could bring us back together in DS15's eyes..it breaks my heart...after DS15 left he phoned me on my cell....I was too afraid to answer in case WH was using his phone to get me to answer..maybe I'm paranoid..I will text him later to tell him I love him..etc.
Believer I am gob-smacked!!I hope you are right...although I am not as optimistic as you are...
I keep thinking "..but you don't know my husband!!"
Its so sad that so much can be lost because of an affair/divorce not to mention the heartache and scars that are formed..
I come from a family where I never heard my parents scream at each other and we are a close-knit family.My dad never raised his voice to us either..he didn't have to..we respected him.I went to a girls school with female only teachers...The first male to raise his voice to me was my husband and it rattled me terribly...only when I thought about it did I realise why.WH came from a family with lots of hostility and shouting...it was the norm for him then..My point being the enviroment we are bought up in has such a strong influence on how we are as adults and what we assume is "normal behaviour"
My dad is a man of few words but you just know by his actions how much he loves us...I fear that WH actions are showing my boys the wrong way to behave in life and how to treat women...
BS;ME43,WH45
DS19,DS16
DDay:6Dec06
WH left12Dec06
DIV:3Dec08
WH marries OW 21days later!
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But they are watching your reaction too, your fight to save the marriage..........
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I fear that WH actions are showing my boys the wrong way to behave in life and how to treat women.. Your story is far from over. Look at Mimi. Her boys were hurt/confused and acting out as well. She had similar fears. Mimi's boys were later exposed to recovery/forgiveness/understanding .... all fine lessons as well. This is unfolding - the end of the story is still a big basket of possibilities ~breathe Pep
Last edited by Pepperband; 06/14/08 12:37 PM.
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But they are watching your reaction too, your fight to save the marriage.......... are we having a psychic connection today OR WHAT ?LOL  LOL
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At one stage DS15 didn't go to WH at all for about 2 months.When WH spoke to him about it he said it was cos"OP hangs all over you and you never spend time with me".Hopefully they are more considerate now.This is a 42 yr old mother we talking about!!
When I mentioned to DS15 that not to long ago he didn't want to go to WH,he shouted, I've accepted it now...
I don't think he has..he just feels sorry for his dad.
BS;ME43,WH45
DS19,DS16
DDay:6Dec06
WH left12Dec06
DIV:3Dec08
WH marries OW 21days later!
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At one stage DS15 didn't go to WH at all for about 2 months.When WH spoke to him about it he said it was cos"OP hangs all over you and you never spend time with me".Hopefully they are more considerate now.This is a 42 yr old mother we talking about!!
When I mentioned to DS15 that not to long ago he didn't want to go to WH,he shouted, I've accepted it now...
I don't think he has..he just feels sorry for his dad. Ok We've got the "Talk to my attorney" mantra down for WH when he wants to influence your choices .... We need to come up with a kind/gentle/hopeful mantra for DS15 Just brainstorming: "I love your Dad. I want our family back together. I cannot allow his current choices to destroy me. I must protect myself at times." What about these? Pep
Last edited by Pepperband; 06/14/08 12:43 PM.
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Letting him go, with reservations is the best way to let him make the best choice. I agree!! I don't think she should FORBID it!! She should use her MATERNAL FINESSE..
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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