Yes - my sis is more old fashioned than my dad. I know it's all madness on her part but it hurts nevertheless.




No she is just seeing it as an opportunity to stir things. She gets a lot of enjoyment in beating me up further when i am low.
I am just so fed up. I wish i could run away from everyone n everything but unfortunately this is a part of my life

Thank you Mimi - I wouldn't have done it without your encouragement!

Hi N2F
Thank you so much for your kind words.
My sis n I are not that close. It's been a bit difficult, i am the last born in my family - my sis is 23 years older than me, so there is a generation gap
I really miss having a sis that i could lean on, it would really help.
I miss my mom a lot too. Next month it will be 6 years since she passed away.

I would suggest that you cut off all contact with her then if possible. You can make the choice to not be in the company of someone who "beats" you. That would be healthy and make you feel LOTS better.



We are encouraging you TO FIGHT..not TO RUN..which is COWARDLY..

STAND TALL and LET HER KNOW THAT YOU WILL NOT PUT UP WITH HER ABUSE OF YOU!!

Today WH rang, just to see how i was. He had to go to work, so he rang me on his way back (before getting home to OW after which he can't call me)
He rang once n i wasn't near my phone so he rang 40 mins later again. Felt weird hearing from him on a weekend but maybe there is a little bit of hope.
But i am beginning to feel a little bit of anger - do i not deserve unconditional love - just like what i am giving?

I know Mimi, i am just tired that is all. I am just ignoring her - not worth wasting my breath on her or my sis.

I am not sleeping much so that is making me more cranky - so please bear with me

There you go..EXACTLY!!

{{{{{{{{{{{BROWN}}}}}}}}}}}}

I hope you are sleeping well and getting lots of calm rest inside.

You are growing so strong by leaps and bounds.

MENTAL TOUGHNESS, one of the hardest to achieve, but little by little one day it will happen and you will be shocked.

Q I was just thinking abt u, i was trying to post a message asking u where u were n lo behold u appeared. Telepathy at its best.
I miss my H very much but don't like my WH n the rubbish he is feeding me.
I do feel like i deserve a lot of love, but am not getting it. I wonder whether he ever loved me at all, to let go off me so easily.

You know, right now, sadly and as frustrating as it is, we just aren't going to get those answers. It's not possible. Our WH's are deranged and sick and trying to get the truth from a rock is just plain stupid on our part.

If you and I continue to do the work to heal ourselves and become woman who G-d always envisioned for us, maybe one day the answers will be revealed.

For right now, the healthiest and really only "thing we can do" is accept and find a way to move forward today.

Just today. Remember.

I am heading out for a graduation party, but I will check back when I get home.

{{{{{{{{Brown}}}}}}}}}}

You are in my prayers and thoughts constantly as I so remember the beginning like it was yesterday and want to be here for you.

Thanks Q, it's midnight here, i am going to try to get some sleep. I love H so much, hope god shows him the light

Brown, Mark writes me often and says some of the most inspirational words I have ever read. Someone else, Johnstwin on here is very spiritual as well.

I choose to believe that G-d is showing the WW the light, but G-d gives us free choice and our WW's are choosing not to see it or look for it.

I like you, love my H so much. Even though it's been nice having two men interested in me, they aren't my H and I just simply am not interested. Unfortunately, the reality for you and I could be that what is happening right now in our M is G-ds was of reaching out for our H's. And we are being served to G-ds purpose.

Mark often tells me that G-d wants a relationship with each one of us, more than he wants us to have relationships with other humans. Our H's don't have that and you can bet G-d is working hard on reaching them, but we may simply be the casualty of it all.

I hope that isn't true, but I have to accept that it could be. To this very moment if I get caught up in thinking this could be for the rest of my life, I freeze, panic, and try to fix it. I can't go there.

So today.. we know our H aren't home and G-d is looking out for us because we are alone.

I went to a wedding today, just realised it was too soon to be going out like that.
Came home n cried buckets, i couldn't understand how those vows could be taken so lightly, how that love has changed.

Geez Brown, I would HIGHLY suggest you not follow in my footsteps of things to hurt you.

I did the same thing and it nearly DESTROYED me as well.

I'm glad you came home and cried though, I have come to believe that crying is G-ds way of cleansing our souls.

We need cleansing and we need G-d at these points to help us get through them. So seek G-d and he will be there.

I PROMISE you.

I have been going to the temple almost everyday. My friend is going to take me to a buddhist temple this friday and we will go n medidate there.
He rang again today.
My problem is how do u not have any expectations whilst carrying out Plan A?

Did you ever get yourself a copy of SURVIVING AN AFFAIR?

This was a MAJOR struggle for me....heck, it still is...actually, when I look back at our M, its ALWAYS been a struggle.

What works the most for me, is to keep that on the for-front of your mind....and when you are doing something Plan A like for him, repeat "NO EXPECTATIONS" to yourself.....


Now, I try and remember KaylaAndy's quote on EXPECTATIONS....

"Expectations are nothing more that pre-meditated resentments"

I love that one....

not2fun

Hi Brown,

How are you doing today?

Yes got the book

The quote is brilliant, but only prob is easier said than done