I just found this site today and I have never heard of Plan A/Plan B before. I have been married for almost 6 years and I don't know what to do right now. I am feeling so hurt and confused.

My husband had a very traumatic childhood and has never dealt with his anger from that, so for years my husband had not met my EN so I gave up and decided to separate Jan 2007. In Oct 2007 I had extreme car problems/financial issues and because of that I started praying to God again which brought back my love for my husband more than I had ever felt before. I said I wanted to come back to him but he had been dating the OW for a couple of weeks and it had already become physical and he wasn't sure. A couple days later, he said he wanted to work it out. Well, during our separation I had been physical with other men, nothing emotional but my husband kept asking so I finally told him the truth. He said he still wanted to work it out so we started counseling in Nov 2007.

Just last week I found out that he has been texting the same OW every day since at least Feb (as far back as phone records go) but probably Dec 2007. They text each other about 30-50 times a day from early morning to late at night. We had a huge fight about it and he asked me to leave for a couple of days. The apt we are currently living in he got when we were separated so he feels I should leave. I did leave but came back and he said he wanted to work it out. He had not texted the OW since that day when I made him text her and say he can't talk to her ever again. 1 day later and he is telling me that he doesn't know what he wants, he wants time and space and he doesn't want a divorce but at times he hates me because of the past. He asked me to leave again indefinitely but he had to leave on Thur for a friend's bachelor party and he won't return until tomorrow (Sun). He expects me to be gone by then.

Last night while extremely drunk he texts me and says that he has feelings for this other girl. I did not respond and since then I have been devestated. I saw on our phone records online that he spent all day texting her. I want to work this out so badly and I don't know what to do. Should I continue with my plan to leave even though I don't want to or should I stay and try to do Plan A? The other issue in this situation is that he just acknowledged that he is an alcoholic. I am sure a lot of this is stemming from that but what do I do? I know that if I don't leave, he will be angry and upset because he wants his space.

Sorry for the very long post but I don't know what else to do.

Welcome to marriagebuilders. It is a good place to be under the circumstances.

The plan here won't work for an alcholic. And alcholic is full of entitlement and will only use Plan A. So you need to go to Alanon and get support for what you need to do there.

But we can help you with making decisions.

Can you support yourself without hubby?

I can support myself only by moving in with my family where there is barely any room. That was the plan for me tomorrow but when I read about Plan A I thought that might work.

Plan A won't work for an alcholic.

But affairs always end, and I'm sure his will too. So you need to move to your parents, get a job, get stable and keep reading here.

Also be sure to go to Alanon. They will help you.

What are the things you love about your husband? Right now he doesn't seem like a great husband.

I do have a job. We just have a lot of bills and the county where I live is very expensive. A one bedroom apt starts around $1000/month.

He's not a good husband and I don't think he even knows what that would look like. I guess I'm that stupid person that sees who he could be and what God wants him to be.

I see how much he is struggling right now and always has. He hates himself but won't make the effort to change anything. I doubt he ever will. I'm just so sad because I do love him and want to be with him but I want that to be in a healthy happy relationship.

I have been meaning to go to alanon forever but something always gets in the way. I will try that.

Thanks for responding.

So if you move with your parents, are there jobs there?

I'm sure you do love your husband. But you are not in a very healthy place right now. Please make time to go to Alanon. And keep reading here, because you will learn how to recover.

Hubby isn't the one posting here. I would give him different advice. He really will have to stop drinking and work on his FOO issues.

So how has the marriage been before the first separation?