Once again, search isnt' working.

So I'm trying to pick my husband apart (repeat abuser/cheater/recovering alcoholic) and I've found a lot about his past in the process.

What I want, after everything, is to figure out if he's actually changing (he stopped drinking, he's actually making a good effort to be respectful and honest, etc) but I don't know if this is, also, part of his post-caught routine.

So I'm thinking about tracking down his exes and asking them a few things, if they want to talk about it, of course. I want to know if this state we're in is routine and happens every time or if it is truly new and an actual effort to finally change.

In fact, everything between us depends on whether this is repeat drama with him or not. IF it is, I'm gone - because there's no changing things.
If it isn't, though, then I'll be willing to stick with him and try to work things out.

I've tried to think things through and figure this out on my own but I can't. I'd *like* to believe this is new and he is really changing as a person but I don't really know him at all (I thought I did, though)
The only difference that I see between all three of us women is that he and I have kids together - and how much of a difference does that make since, according to people like his Mother, he's always wanted a family and that's been the root of his problems in the past (at least that's what he seems to tell people when he leaves his women)

I have his exes SSN#'s and former addresses so it can't be too difficult - but is it wrong to approach them in any way after all that he's done to them?

*edit* And I'm not considering right or wrong in regards to my husband. I'm talking about their (his exes) personal privacy, etc - is it wrong for me to do some detective work and bring them into this current situation - even if it is one phonecall.

I don't see anything wrong with respectfully asking them for advice.

Julie,

I found out after M that I was the OW as well to an Internet fling that my WH had where he proposed M to her and she had visited (lived out of country) on 2 occasions, but had full intentions of moving to our state a few months after I had met him.

I can tell you by personal experience that during our first year together, I contacted all of the OW from his past that he continued to talk to. It did not turn out always the way that I wanted it to. It was one of the most bizarre experiences I think I have been through and each one was unique. It did not leave me with ANY answers, only more questions.

Ultimately, the past is not going to be the COMPLETE answer for your future.

IMHO, it's not worth it.

Good point.
Maybe what I know is enough for me to make my own decisions without worrying too much about them.
I think, now, that the repeated truth is quite obvious and I don't even need to ask about it.

it might be easier to have him submit to a polygraph exam.