And I forgot to add this too...

Early this morning while he was asleep I took his ipod, because I know you can put videos and pictures and such on there... There were 2 pictures of naked women (like modeling, I don't think he took the pictures personally) but no videos. I didn't confront him about this yet either, but in order to put pictures on an ipod you have to get them from the internet right?

Was that call on your land line? What was her phone #?

The call was to his cell phone, which I was checking all of the history for and I haven't seen this number before. But sometimes it does say just "incoming" instead of a number and then how long the call was for. In the past I asked him what the "incoming" calls were and he would tell me from a debt collector or from family who is living in another country so their numbers never show up anyways...

And I think that it was her cell phone, in our area the area code 410 is usually for land line and 443 is for cell phones, this number was a 443 #.

Let me get this right.......

You TOLD him you are going to snoop and then put on a keylogger?

No no no, those were the 2 things that I left out! I told him everything that I was feeling and thinking, but did NOT tell him what I was planning on doing (snooping and putting the keylogger in). Ha ha I'm not that dumb!

Okay, good job then. I must have read it wrong.

So just try to relax and rest up. Give him some time alone when you can and see what turns up.

It seems more like an affair to me right now, which would be a lot easier to fight than hubby being gay.

If you go to intellius.com, you can find out who the numbers belong to. Also try anywho.com and use reverse phone look-up if you believe it's a land line. Anywho won't give you cell numbers but it will give you listed land lines.

Give the numbers to Aunt PI and let her look them up too. She probably has an account with one of these companies and can get the info fast.

Please forgive me for mentioning it, but do not discount the gay or bi-sexual idea just yet. He is still displaying odd behaviors.

And please be cautious when you have sex.

WH2LE

och, have you done a reverse look up on the #? You can do that at www.anywho.com. Or as Wknghrd2LoveEasy suggested, go to intellus.com and see if you can get it there.

If it were me, I would just CALL the # and ask her what business she has with my H and how she met him.

I didn't even think about doing the reverse look up on the number, I will try that out. And good idea about giving the number to my aunt, didn't think of that either. Hopefully he will let his guard down so that I can get to his phone again to get the full number. This morning his cell was under his pillow...

I will be more careful when we have sex... I mean I've been without on my end for so long so I'm sure I can avoid for a few days until I can get some answers.

och,

Out of curiousity, why would you not call the phone number and ask the woman/man on the other line "why" they were having a conversation with your husband?

Also, do you have access to his cell phone records online? If so, you can sort and see how many times that number has been called or called him. If it comes in "blocked" that is a reason that it would show up without the number.

Be prepared to call this number once your Aunt PI info and your keylogger info come in. You have a right to take a stand for your M. You can polite say...."STAY AWAY FROM MY H!"

Well to be honest without any "hard" evidence, like emails or my aunt confirming anything I'd feel really stupid accusing (spelling?) him of something that might not be going on. I will confront him about what bothers me about this "friend" like what they are talking about and inviting him over, he can't deny that happened because I heard it in front of him! And I'm thinking that if she continues to talk to him too personally or invite him (alone) anywhere I won't hesitate to pick up a phone and tell her to stop.

Now assuming that I do get some "hard" evidence... I know I will not be able to control myself from picking up the phone and freaking out... I know myself. I'd probably kick him out and harass this girl (or who ever it might be) to no end... I hope I don't act too stupid!

Oh and I do have access to his phone records online. He has dialed any numbers that I don't know but there are quite a few "incoming" that don't have a number, talking anywhere from 1 minute to 20 minutes. But I have no way to tell what the number is calling him. And he doesn't seem to be using text messages too much, before I did look in his phone and the only text messages he had were from me.

If you find out anything, come here. We've had a couple of our female BS's beat up the OW, and it was all very unpleasant.

Well I would hope that I don't do anything THAT drastic (although it would be nice to think about). Nobody that has hurt me would be worth possibly going to jail over. I will come here no matter what happens. Even if nothing is going on I still think that our marriage needs help... Thanks for all of the support!

That's right, don't let their bad, end up with you going to jail!


True. My colleague had a wife and 3 kids, we all knew he seemed attracted to guys but he was in denial or something, he often went to bars and picked up women, cheated on his W, was basically a real mess... went through a D and had a longterm GF, etc.

Ok so here is an update...

My Aunt has hung around Sunday and Monday. She is again today. So far the only times he has left the house is to go get lunch and then he just brings it back home. No visitors either. So far so good. But she said she would stick around for a few more days just in case...

I checked the key logger thing last night and there was nothing that seems odd. I was able to get his email PW and for messenger. There was an email from that girl that he talked to, but it seemed innocent. She told him the address and listed a couple of dates that would be good for US (yes she did say for him to bring me along, which surprised me!) to come visit. But other than that his emails and conversations were just work related or with his guy friends talking about guy stuff (cars, his websites, and some about photography and videos)... Also no history of porn sites, but then I'm not sure how the 2 naked women got onto his Ipod. And that's it.

We did have a talk about how distant I thought he was being and not affectionate at all. This time instead of saying that he just doesn't like it he said that he is still stressed because of all our recent debt troubles. Also he said that I'm not initiating enough and not in the right ways. He said he didn't know how to explain it but that I should act like "a porn star" with him and I'm not. I'm really not sure of what that means or how to act like one I guess...

So now my question is, am I missing anything? Is there something else that I might have over looked? Or maybe we both suck at communication? Also I did get the girls number out of his phone and my aunt was able to tell me the name and address it belongs to, it was the same address as in the email from her...

Thanks everyone.

Did she call the house phone or his cell phone? How long have your had your house number or has he had his cell phone? Is your house phone listed? In otherwords, how did she get the number?

The FIRST thing you heard him say was "yeah, she's here" in response to some question... like "is your wife there?" or "is she home", etc. I think the normal response after he said that would have been, would you like to speak to her? or for her to say, may I speak to her?

Something's up with this big time.

I also thought sex addiction reading through your posts.
Just because you can't find it doesn't mean he's not doing it.
My husband was extremely GOOD at hiding his addiction. It wasn't until he got lazy with deleting limewire downloads that I found out.

Please do not try to act like a porn star. This is codependant behavior. You need to act like yourself and be yourself.

When my husband was acting out, he NEVER did things for me. Only with a year of sobriety did it dawn on him that I really should have gotten certain things that I asked for.

Also, please note that just because he's requesting non-traditional relations doesn't mean he's gay. Clearly straight sex addicts may look at gay porn. Why? Because seeing traditional relations may not give him a high anymore. He has to move on to other things to get his high.

Please take care of yourself. There are bigger issues here than just shaving, wearing garters and high heels and talking dirty to your husband.

She called his cell phone, we don't use a regular land line. And we've had the same cell phone numbers for 4 years. He had told me that I met her the same night he did, at a party at 1 of our friends house approx. 2 years ago. I really cannot remember this girl for the life of me. I remember that night, and I remember being at my H's side the entire time, I remember most of the people there just not her. He even tried to describe her to me... He also said that 1 of his guy friends that was there wanted to get together with her but was too shy, so my H got her number to give to him and since then they became friends. It still sounds fishy to me.

I have to admit that I wouldn't doubt for a minute that if he is looking at anything online that he is good at hiding it. I mean he's on the computer all day long, I'm sure he knows all the loop holes. Another thing he does pretty often is reformatting his hard drive. He told me that it's like making his computer brand new again. He does this like once a month so I'm sure I couldn't find anything from long ago.

I haven't even tried to act like he says he wants, I just don't have the personality for that. I can see how some of the things that I do might bother him, I'm pretty self concious about a lot which makes me act shy. I can see how that would be frustrating for him, but in my opinion he should just try harder to make me comfortable. Right???