Originally posted in Emotional Needs as When a Friend is More than a Friend
My wife has been calling and text messaging an old flame 5-6 times a day for the last two weeks. I discovered this when I became suspicious when she came home from going 'out' at 4am or so two or three times last week. I checked the phone records and there were the calls and text messages. They grew up together and had a brief fling, but she says that she considers him family. Oddly enough, our daughters dont know him and I have only met him once in passing at one of my daughters events. Doesnt sound like family to me.
She knows that I dont want her out late like this. Yet she does it anyway. She also does not know that I know about the frequency of the calls. The one call that bothers me the most is a 3 min conversation that happened at 4am right before she walked in the door. Sounds like she was letting him know that she made it home. I do not know how to confront her on this.
BACKGROUND:
She has done this before, but was calling/text messaging one of my best friends in the world, sometimes at 1 or 2 in the morning when she was 'out'. I confronted her about this that it made me insecure and she said that I was making too much of it, but understood that it looked bad. I confronted my friend and he said that he was simply replying to her or answering her calls and wanted to know why I wasnt getting messages he was sending through her.
MORE BACKGROUND:
I was a wayward husband, and had an affair for about 15 months. It has been over for two years and she has known for two years.
She still tells me that she is not sure if she wants to be my wife, yet is extremely nice and wants to have sex all the time and tells me she loves me. Whenever I get irritated about her going out, she says that she is thinking of moving out to get 'space' yet never does. I admit that I try to talk her out of it, but have not the last two times she has done this.
I feel manipulated, confused, alone and could use some objective opinions
<TWO DAYS LATER>
The story gets even better. It was not the family friend. It was someone that she met at a bar/restaurant with friends. He supposedly got her mobile number from one of her friends and called her in March. By May, they are speaking daily 5-6 times per day and text message too. On our way to a family function he called and she refused to answer. I asked who it was and she said that she did not know. I then sent text a message to the number when we stopped asking why he was calling my wife called him at 3am the previous week. He asked who is my wife...I answered and i never got an answer. the next day i used my WW phone and to call him. I got quite a warm greeting ( just like a boyfriend would ) I then spoke up and he hung up. I then confronted my wife and she reluctantly admitted it. i was furious. She insists that no sex has happened and that it means nothing. I looked in her phone for all the text messages that I saw on the phone bill. none where there. but mine in the same time period were there. she said she erased them because they didnt mean anything. she then insisted that I didnt trust her enough because I snooped on the phone bill. today I demanded that she remover herself from my mobile phone account and she now has her own. i still think that she will be in contact with this person, but i will never know. but she says it was nothing because they never went out of had physical contact.This was at least an EA. she says she wants space, and thinks that i am overreacting ( i busted a windsheild ) . I am furious and hurt that I was deceived. she should have had sex...the emotions are the same. I am thinking of divorce, but dont know where to start. at the same time I love her deeply. I need objective advice.
