I call BS. She "all the sudden" calls on the day you happen to be there and he's had her number in his phone for TWO YEARS??? Nope. There's more to this.

Start snooping or better yet, call his bluff. Ask for her number (with your phone in your hand so he can't call ahead and warn her) and say you'd like to speak to her yourself, find out if there's anything you can bring to this get together. Casually ask her about the party that night... Ask this shy friend about her... Get busy digging up the information. My bet is that your husband will find some reason not to give you the number or delay your call to her.

Ok, let me see if I sum this up correctly.

1. You don't want to change your approach or anything you do
2. You want him to change his approach and the things he does.


Is that right?

BTW - most men want their WWs to be uninhibited and a bit naughty in the sack. As for *how* naughty you should be, that depends on finding the right balance between your H's tastes and what you're actually prepared to do

I think you can help the situation along by talking with your H about why you feel self-conscious and shy with him. I don't think things will work out well if you choose to not consider making any changes in your behaviour but at the same time expect your partner to make changes in his behaviour for you.

I actually bet that you're right that he won't want me to call or delay my calling her. He just seemed anxious and weird while on the phone with her. But thanks for the idea!

Yeah I guess that you did sum it up about right...

I think that my H and I have really opposite personalities. He is more outspoken, and I am more quiet. While he will more likely say he wants this and this, I'd be prone to try and show him first instead of just saying it. Know what I mean? Sometimes I just really don't think that he gets it, even after I actually say it...

And I do have some self image issues. Every woman now is pretty much expected to fit into this cookie cutter image... According to what a normal weight is, I'm normal, not overweight or underweight. 5'7", 125 lbs. But something in my mind keeps nagging that it's not good enough. I hate shopping for clothes out of fear that I might have to buy a size larger, I hate eating meals (snacks and drinks are fine) around people other than my H, and just stupid things like that. He actually doesn't know about most of this, as I usually use the "I'm not hungry" or "I don't feel like shopping" excuses. I know that these are my problems that I have to deal with but when he starts to seem so distant and just "doesn't like" doing anything then that ends up hitting hard especially when he gives me a stupid excuse. So then it ends up really hard to try and get myself to do something new that I'm unsure of... I know I'm rambling on about this and I'm sorry that it's so long. But to sum it all up, I do see how this could drive him to go else where and now that signs of that are showing up, I'm just panicked. Thanks for letting me vent a little bit.