I have been married for 11 years. The problem that I am having with my husband is that he talks and texts other ladies on his phone. We have had this problem for a few years. In the past, I have gone through his phone and confronted him about the texts. I have also looked at our phone bill and confronted him about numerous calls being made to specific people. Now I know the type of person he is. He loves people and communicates all the time to family and friends. I have told him that it bothers me for him to communicate with the opposite sex so much and he said that he would deal with it. Here is my bigger problem. I have access to his personal email account, and I have seen some of the things that he has written to other women. Should I approach him with this or what? If I do I feel that it will be a BIG problem. But I can't stand the fact that he is trying to hook up with other women.

Start out by reading ALL the articles on this site. Your husband is disrespecting you in a major way. He is playing with fire. Yes, you should tell your husband how this makes you feel and why. There is a right way and a wrong way to do this though. Do you suspect that he is cheating?

Print the emails out. Put copies away where he cannot destroy them, because you will need them later - he will try to deny they even exist at some point, and you WILL need the copies for proof at some point.


Cheaters lie.


Your husband is texting these other women because he is not only "trying" to hook up with them, he may already have hooked up in the past with one or more of them.

He is telling you not to worry, but your gut is telling you to worry.

Which do you believe? Your gut. Because you know, and have known, that he is lying to you.


You are spying on him because you have to - because you already know in your heart that he is a cheater. You just don't have the "proof" you need.

So go about getting that proof. You have the cellphone numbers of the girls he is calling. Start calling them yourself.

You have the email addresses of the women he is contacting. So contact them yourself.


I will guarantee you that at least one of them will be more than willing to out your husband and to tell you the truth about what he has been up to behind your back.

Don't warn him that you are going to start calling. Just do it.

And don't worry that he is going to be angry - because, AREN'T YOU ANGRY???????? It doesn't seem to bother HIM that YOU might be angry that he is talking to other women and it doesn't seem to make him want to stop.

Your marriage can survive his being angry. Your marriage cannot survive his serial woman-chasing and possible cheating behavior.


Oh, and install a keylogger on your computer, too. Don't tell him about it - you can download it today. He will never know it is there, and you can get all the information you will need to catch him in the act.

If you need more information, just get it. You have what you need to get it. Don't be afraid to stand up and fight for your marriage. Don't be afraid he will be "mad" at you. Too bad if he is mad. If it takes him being upset that his little game is over in order for his marriage to be saved,


then let him get mad.

In the end, your marriage might be worth his being mad, if you can stop his affair and recover your marriage.

Yeah, and like schoolbus said, print the emails out and put them in a safe place. There is a good chance he'll change all of his passwords.

And get a keylogger. There are lots of good ones out there. Some have a feature where you can access his pc remotely.

And get ready for things coming from him like: "I don't know why you are getting so bent out of shape! They are just my FRIENDS!"

"Why should I end contact? I wouldn't make you end contact with your FRIENDS!"

"That's crazy talk! I'm not having a relationship with anyone else! You need to have your head examined!"

"I will be SO upset if you don't trust me!"

(etc. etc. etc. ad nauseum)

Charlotte

When we first got married he was in the military and in 2005 he told me that he cheated in 1999. So I know that he has in the past. Well, I don't know about now but I have asked him and he has denied it. We had some issues at the beginning of the year. He complained about me not spending time with him. Well I know I can be very busy-I teach and I'm involved in church. When he was getting off work he only watched tv or played video games. I told him that he should be involved with other activities. Here is the straw that broke the camels back. I came home from a meeting later than I expected and he fussed about the time and no dinner. Well he went into silent mode for 3days. That friday he did not come home until saturday morning. To make a long story short he later told me that he slept in the car in front of some old friends house. We had a big discussion that monday it got kind of heated and I threw juice in his face and hit him. Well he already had things packed and asked his brother to pick him up and take him somewhere else. Later I found out that it was the same person(female friend) whose house he said he was parked in front of. He stayed there for 2 days. He finally came back and we talked. He said that nothing happened and that she was only a friend. I told him that I didnt want him talking to her again. But not to my surprise this is who he contacts on email and continues to text. I am seriously thinking about counseling but he makes it seem like there is nothing wrong. Because he doesnt konw that i know he is still in contact with these people.

Call the OW. You have her phone #, so call her. If WH is having an A with her, he will be saying things like "I'm divorcing my W"..."I'm not happy with her, I love you"..."I'm moving out of the house"...etc. If this is the case, she will be happy to give you some information, because she will think your M is over anyway. My W said the exact same [censored] that your H is telling you "nothing happened"..."only friends"..."slept on the couch (in your case, car)"...etc. I called OM and he told me everything that my immoral W wouldn't tell me. Here's your chance to do the same. Do it.

Do you have access to his pc? Get a keylogger and keep copies of emails, etc.

You have to be very careful not to "show your tells" with this. Don't mention anything you might read in the emails. It's hard but you can do it.

He will continue to pretend nothing is going on so he can continue his cake eating.

This OW is single? Do you know if she has a boyfriend? Gather all of the evidence you can so you can expose his affair.

But be discreet! They will deny, deny, deny 'til the cows come home and the milk is churned into butter!

There are posters here who have walking in on the act and their WS's STILL denied anything was going on!! "We weren't doing the deed! It's a new form of yoga!" etc. Stupid excuses like that.

But you need to gather all the info you can for your protection. And for the other side's SO, if any. Sometimes they are in great denial and they need to see the evidence right in front of them.

Charlotte

This is so funny. I swear to God that my W would have denied it if I walked in on them too. That's just so sad to think that she would be so weak and immoral, but it's true.

My FWH said something similiar, he slept in the car in the bar's parking lot because he had too much to drink that night.

Can you see a pattern here?

...and I should mention that my W told me she "slept in her truck" after we had an argument a few weeks back. She told me that, made me feel guilty the next day, then I told her to go upstairs to get some rest and that I was sorry for the argument the night before. Then, through OM, I find out that she actually broke NC that night, went to OM's, and "slept on his couch". These simple minded, immoral, selfish, people will say anything to get their way, won't they? It's pretty pathetic actually.

he said

We had some issues at the beginning of the year. He complained about me not spending time with him. Well I know I can be very busy-I teach and I'm involved in church.

so you said

I told him that he should be involved with other activities.

how is it that the request to spend more time with my wife....who takes work and church as more important than me
is answered with...
get involved with more activities...

heres what I see...

two people living indepedant of one another...

each making requests
each asking for things

you ask him to quit texting others
he asks you to spend less time consumed with work and church

and neither one listens to the other.....

and there is physical altercations....

perhaps you shoud get into counseling
and
anger management
and decide to pay more attention to your husband and see if the need to have his needs met by others through texting decreases...

ark

southerngal,

Ark is right, you need to look into Plan A and start meeting his needs.


Looks like your husband has tried to tell you that he needs your attention, and you told him to get more involved in other things.

hmmmmm


Maybe he got involved in other things, then?


I know, that isn't what you meant. But he asked for your attention. Think back - did you deny the attention he needed? You need to change that behavior. Because if you are putting other things before your marriage, then that behavior needs to change.

He has to change his behavior, too. But someone has to change first. If you are waiting for him to make the first move, then you will wait a long time, and lose.


Start snooping, and start your work on Plan A. Read the website for Plan A information.

SB