Hi all!

Wow! So much has happened-- where to begin!

I finally got a job a few weeks ago through a temp agency and was working almost 50 hours a week...and then Friday I came in to a manager (not even mine) in a bad mood who told me I was "just a temp and should not be in charge of a $15 million account...pack your stuff and go!" I cried for a couple of days, because I literally streamlined the program in less than a month and was "doing a fantastic job" according to my REAL boss just 2 days before the other idiot fired me. I can tell you that the woman who hired me was LIVID and since this jerk told noone before he did what he did, they tried to get my temp agency to bring me back and my temp agency told them "if this is the way you treat my temp who came in and did a fantastic job for you, I think NOT! I have 3 more jobs sitting on my desk that I can offer her and I will have her working elsewhere by next week!" Tough luck for them...LOLOL!! And, by Monday (yesterday), I had interviewed for another job and got it in the same day.

I tell you this story, because things did end up working out for the best. Want2Stay and I went from being apart only when he worked to NEVER seeing each other during the week...only on weekends. He has suffered quite a bit this month, because the emotional turmoil I inflicted on him with my A is much harder for him to endure when we are barely spending time together!! Not to mention the general 15 hour a week rule! The new job, which I accepted today, is more money per hour, a much more relaxed setting, and PART TIME for the next three months until I am out from under the temp agency. At that point, the owner said he would increase my pay even more and I could work more hours...basically whatever I want to do. Hopefully W2S will be working day shift by then and we can actually have a "normal" life again!

Ah, but that is only a fraction of what has been going on...

On May 30th, OM broke NC...

My cell phone was beeping- thought it needed charged, flipped it open and had 2 calls from a number I had never seen. One was a text msg that said "Please call..." and then the number. Not thinking a thing about it, I called the number back to see who it was (I had left a message for a company that week about my car-figured that's who it was), and OM answered. I said "Who is this??" (figured it was just a wrong number-didn't recognize his voice after all this time) He said "Please don't hang up, this is OM... I am so sorry..." and before I could even compose myself he did get about 2 minutes of crap out of his mouth. I don't even think he took a breath the entire time. Told me he tried to get back with his wife, but she was having none of it after what WE told her. Told me he had lost everything and that he truly loved me and just wanted to hear my voice, blah, blah, blah. Said he kept trying to remember my number and couldn't and then when he did remember it, he looked at the clock and it said 6:07 (607 are the first numbers of my cell) and that it was "a sign" (BARF!) He said that since he lost everything, he was going to put a gun in his mouth, and that he just wanted to tell me he was sorry for everything before he offed himself.

At that point, I regained my sanity and interrupted him, and said "I will not speak to you. What we did was disgusting and horrible and I never want to see or hear from you again. You were the worst mistake I have ever made in my life. DO NOT EVER TRY TO CONTACT ME AGAIN!" And then I hung up.

I was shook up to say the least...W2S was FURIOUS! He tried to call him back the next day but he wouldn't pick up his phone. To my knowledge he hasn't tried to call him again. The bizarre part is that I rarely have my cell any more...W2S carries it and he was supposed to be at work WITH the cell when OM called (so HE would have answered), but he had a comp day off work for working on Memorial Day, and was home with me. He had gone up to bed right before this, or I would have just handed him the phone. I did panic for a few seconds looking for DH to hand him the phone before I realized he had gone upstairs already.

Anyways, the other crazy part is that it has had very little effect on either of us. I know that sounds crazy, but as blown away as we were that he actually had the nerve to call, after a couple days, it was like it never happened. Such a relief to me that he has NO effect on our lives any more. For the record, I believe his call was all a bullsh!t guilt trip over finding out about our exposure to his wife when he was done with his newest conquest and thought he would come back to his BW. She wouldn't take him back because of what WE told her...HOW GREAT IS THAT!!

I know it has always bothered W2S that the OM suffered no consequences and that our exposure did no good because he had already left his wife for someone else when we finally called her. To find out that he was rejected and had "lost everything" due in part to our exposure made my DH feel at least somewhat vindicated.

Anyways, this is getting long...I just wanted to let everyone know that while we still struggle from time to time, we are doing much better. We are a team, and we will persevere!!

You are in our hearts.

Peace to you both.

I'm sorry that FOM called you. It's either a guilt trip or he's testing the waters.

Is it time to change your cell number to prevent this from happening again?

I'm not.

It was bound to happen. Very predictable.

Others in recovery PAY CLOSE ATTENTION - there is a lesson here !

An opportunity to slam the door shut so hard it will never open again - leaves no wiggle room for future contact . I would have added - "Call me again and I will call the police!" (just to add this !!!!!!!! )

Good job!

Pep

Thanks Pep, Try and Bit...

Actually, I think he was probably shocked that the "I'm going to stick a gun in my mouth" ploy didn't work. He may have been testing the waters, but found out that the waters weren't just cold--they were frozen over! LOL!

To tell you the truth, for W2S's sake I WAS glad we got that bit of info from him. I think it went a long way towards making him feel good about exposing and realizing that NO WAYWARD really gets off "scott free" even when it SEEMS that they do! Especially when they abandon their families for their little flings...eventually, the fantasy ends and that's when reality can REALLY bite you in the [censored]. THANK GOD I woke up when I did...sheesh!

Bit, we talked about changing the number, and I am going to ask W2S if he wants to when he gets home in a little while. We honestly have not thought about it or discussed it since right after it happened. I think I was amazed at how very little it affected us. I mean, you read abouth the necessity of NC (with which I whole-heartedly agree!) because there is always this flame, etc...and I guess it spooked me into thinking--OMG, what if he calls and I fall apart or whatever. This just confirmed what I FELT was the truth in my heart...that the OM was a POS and even when threatening suicide, he had no power over me.

But Pep, I never in a million years thought he would attempt contact again...NEVER! And the lesson there is also that the NC letter is a MUST, as well as exposure and cutting off any means of contact...ESPECIALLY if the WS was dragged out of the affair without it dying a "natural" death. The OP WILL almost definitely try at some point to make contact! Remember...I have not seen or spoken to OM in a year and a half!! And he still tried!!

Lala......


OMG GIRL.....YOU ARE GOING TO MAKE ME CRY..........

I am so proud and happy for you (and W2S too course... ;)).
It sounds like it all worked out for the good. I am also so glad for you all that it had very little effect on you all. Sounds like you guys are doing wonderful in the "moving forward" plan. I can't wait to get there myself......No effect....WOW.....I can't even imagine....


And way, YOU GO GIRL......


and congradulations on the whole job situation too. I know how hard all that was on W2S. Glad to see things are FINALLY looking up for you two.........

not2fun


ps....this post totally made my day....

Thanks, sweetie!

I hope you are feeling better!

Sounds like you were meant to receive the call. FOM thought he had a sign to call you with the clock thing...yeah, I think it was meant to be a test for you. JMHO.

Charlotte

I agree with Charlotte, I'm beginning to think that God works through cell phones. I have a post in the Recovery section about this. Link to post

It's good to hear from you Lala. I hope Mr Z and I can reach this type of recovery someday.

-MrsZ

Yeah, I'd say He is definitely up on new technology!



Charlotte

Come on LaLa, don't ask to change the number. This isn't a POJA issue it's an "Extra-Ordinary Precaution".
Change it no matter what!

You may not think it affected W2S, but if the number had been changed you wouldn't even be discussing this issue..... So it HAS affected both of you!
It will again if you don't take the necessary action immediatly.

What's stopping you from changing the number today?

LOL! It is INTERSESTING to me as I have been pondering my belief system over the past few months...

You see, I always believed that EVERYTHNG HAPPENS FOR A REASON... But, after the A, I threw that thinking OUT, because I could not imagine there being ANY GOOD REASON WHAT-SO-EVER for my A to have happened (and still don't).

But, then something like THIS happens, which was such a powerful closure for both of us. The likeliness of me having my cell and it being on that night was about a one in a hundred chance...maybe more. Then, add onto that the fact that my husband NEVER goes to bed before me...I can count on ONE hand the times that has happened in our enitre 13+ years together! Isn't that WEIRD?? He was very upset that HE didn't get a chance to talk to the OM (or SCREAM AT THE OM, to be more accurate)...but after a couple days of thinking about it, I realized that my message to OM was probably more potent than even a NC letter. A NC letter IMO (while very necessary!) always has the air of "well he/she is just doing this to appease their BS- not because it is really how they feel" etc. Coming STRAIGHT FROM MY MOUTH, and knowing that W2S was not standing there at the time was WAY more powerful...especially after the threat of suicide.

So, thoughts on this...do things happen for a reason? Maybe SOME things and not others...free will versus karma? Or is it...free will and ALSO karma based on our choices...hmmmm!!

You are absolutely right, of course! I guess the best answer to that question (before today) is that W2S carries the phone now, coupled with the fact that every emergency contact form we have filled out in the past 10 years has that number on it...not to mention the fact that OM had not called that number for a year and a half, and we really thought he never would. But, you are RIGHT, TST...and consider it done!

GOOD!

I'm glad to hear everything else is going well for both of you.

Glad to hear things are well with you both.... good luck with everything

There's my girl! I like your new name! And thanks!

I read your update and all the nice comments. You know I love you guys so please get settled in for a nice little personal 2x4....

WTF! You know this MB stuff as well as anybody and yet you didn't slam the phone shut or interrupt him as soon as you knew who it was. Is there a little bit of you that wanted to hear what he had to say? And then you're telling us that it had no affect on either of you. I call bull!

I spoken to your DH enough that after he came down from being upset he kept going down and did this affect him. I know it would affect me, not as much that he did call but that you engaged him. Back up and look at this again, because I bet your DH is deeply hurt by this but is putting on a brave face to keep the peace.

Did you change your cell phone number. The emergency number thing is bull too, most of these places have to do with the boys and they always have 2-3 different numbers.

Read your update again and then read your first few days on the board, tell me the tone doesn't sound the same.

I don't believe for a minute that this was closure for your DH, because it wasn't last time. My bet is that this brought up every memory and trigger from the last 6 months.

Res, my hands are shaking as I'm writing this, and I'm almost in tear. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE don't dismiss this or take it lightly. I'm freaking out just at the thought of my POSOM calling my DW, so I can image what your DH went through. Also don't dismiss how it affected you, every bad memory must have come back and that couldn't be easy.

Last on then I'll lay off.... Are you telling me that all of the concerns you guys had about telling his wife didn't come back? This POS knows where you live! Have you revised your extraordinary precautions? Now would be a good time.

Ok I'm done.

Love you guys!!!

Thanks, TMTS, for the reminder!

And I will say that I am a little DISAPPOINTED that medc and some others have not shown up for a little LaLa bashing!

I will also say that a couple members have left permanent scars on my [censored] after my stupidity in not hanging up on OM immediately. I guess I am a glutton for punishment, but I AM HERE TO KEEP THE FOG AWAY!!!!!!!! I DEPEND ON YOU GUYS TO HELP ME WITH THIS!!!!!!!!

I do NOT want to be treated nicely just because I try to help people as much as a can when I can on here...I do that because I OWE you all that much for saving my marriage and making me a better person!

But I am going to screw up sometimes...and when I do, I want to be told about it! Especially when *I* feel I did the right thing (for the most part) and that just because it had no affect on ME that it didn't hurt W2S. I can see now that this is WRONG!

Actually, I did talk to W2S earlier and he says is not sure how he feels about it. I should have hung up immediately, yes. I should have marched upstairs and handed him the phone if nothing else...but my kids were sleeping 10 feet away, and to hand the phone to him when he is half-asleep and least expected it didn't seem like the right decision at the time. But, it all happened very, very fast. I got to tell the OM that there was NO WAY I would ever speak to him again, which I hope worked in a way that nothing else would have...except maybe the encounter that my DH would like to have with him! I don't think anything would top that for making the point to stay away!!

But, I still do not fear OM...I NEVER thought he had the, um, GUTS to come to our home, and I still don't. But, then again, I didn't think he would ever call, either...

I just have to hope that- even though I did not handle this the way I should have- after he threatened suicide, and I still said "F-off," he will get the point and stay away. We do not have an address for him to send a NC letter now...but the phone number is changed, so he has no means of direct communication anymore- short of him showing up here.

Thanks for the care and concern TMTS...I appreciate the 2x4-- as looney as that sounds!!

Yes I admit I was one of them! Kicked her [censored] six ways to Sunday.

TMTS - I totally agree with you!

I don't for a second believe there was no emotional toll for this.

About 6 weeks ago, for the first time in almosy 3 years OM made 2 attempts to contact MrsK. Even though MrsK handled it brilliantly and 100% correctly it had a huge emotional cost on us both.

We actually got a lawyer involved so I doubt he will ever try and pry that door open again.

I'm with TMTS. I don't buy it.