My husband is planning on getting an apartment Saturday. He doesn't want to be around me. How do I handle this w/ our 4 year old? My H travels a lot so that might make it an easier ajustment. He's used to him being gone some. I told him he can see the kids anytime he wants to. He says he needs time to think about the pain I've caused him.<P>Yes, the affair is over. It was fast on the way to ending when my husband found out. I can't stand the man now. He is a liar and it makes me sick about what I've done.<P>The question is .... what to do now?

Ideally, he should <B>not</B> move out.<P>To build/rebuild you marriage you need to have as much communication as possible...<P>I'm not exactly sure how to handle it from the side of the betrayer... I myself am on the flip side. But I know that without ample chances to talk... saving a marriage becomes much, much harder.<P>Don't kick yourself if you can't convince him to stay. I couldn't convince my wife either.<P>I'm praying for you...<BR>I hope you can bring it together again!<P>Jim<P>----------<BR>I can dare myself... I'll put a pebble in my shoe...<BR>I can walk... I can walk! I shall call the pebble Dare...<BR>Dare shall be carried... And when we both have had enough<BR>I will take him from my shoe, singing... "Meet your new road!"...<BR>Finally glad... Finally glad... That you are here... By my side...

My H did the same thing when he found out about my affair. He was only gone for three weeks, and spent more time at home. So he did come back home. We are really struggling though. <P>There's something about the reality for the person who leaves too: life is indeed hard out there. We do love each other, and we wish it would work out, and... sadly... bottom line is that it's REALLY expensive to maintain two households. So, we hang in together and hope, pray, and try our darndest to work things out.<P>Show your H love, tell him often that it's over and that you want him only, and tell your daughter that mommy is sad because daddy moved away, but that it has NOTHING to do with her... that her daddy loves her VERY much. That's the main thing with kids, so that they know it has NOTHING to do with them. <P>I'm sure you'll get loads of great advice here. Probably better than I can muster.<P>Best wishes...<P>

I hope that he does see that life is not good when he leaves. What if he loves life w/o us? Guess I deserve it. I've hurt him so badly. <P>I'm a stay at home mom so it will be tough financially. I may have to go back to work. <P>I constantly send him emails telling him how much I love him but he does not respond. He hasn't told me he loved me since he found out three weeks ago. <P>I'm trying to be patient w/ his anger but it is hard to be ignored 24 hours a day. He won't even hardly speak to me. Just don't know how to treat him.

AnnR -- Have you told your H about this site? Have you asked him to read here? I know the pain he is feeling, and I know how trememndously this site and this forum helped me.<P>new_beginning was right when she said <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Show your H love, tell him often that it's over and that you want him only<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>He may not show a response right away, but he will hear you. You have to remember that he is hurting worse right now than he ever has in his life.<P>The other thing which new_begining said which is tremendously important is <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>tell your daughter that mommy is sad because daddy moved away, but that it has NOTHING to do with her... that her daddy loves her VERY much. That's the main thing with kids, so that they know it has NOTHING to do with them.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>I can not stress how important this is. My daughter has developed some attitude problems in the past few months, and I don't know how much of this is due to the problems my W and I have gone through.<P>AnnR, if you H would like someone to talk with, give him my E-Mail address MB_Empty_Shell@hotmail.com I would be more than willing to talk with him if he is interested.<P>God Bless<P><BR>

Ann...<P>When I found out about my H's affair, I wanted to move back to my hometown, 2000 miles away and get away from him. However, my H said that he would stop seeing OW and would work on us and makeup for the pain and mistakes he caused.<P>So....I stayed. NSR is right. You can't work on your marriage unless both of you are at home together.

Ann,<BR> We men have BIG egos and are VERY competitive!! My W is with OM right now and all I can think about is her being affectionate and loving to him YUK! Is he a better lover? etc.. When/if my W comes back ALL I'd want to hear is how REVOLTING the OM was and that she must have lost her mind to even THINK this loser could fill my shoes!! She's already starting to tell me these things and that's what keeps me going. PLEASE don't give up!! "A way to a man's heart IS NOT through his stomach it's through his EGO!! BELIEVE ME!! Ask him to stay and try an "In house seperation" this way your daughter will be less hurt. LMK and GOOD LUCK!!!<P>------------------<BR>desperate

Thank you all for the advice. I love this forum. I have told my husband about it but I don't think he's visited yet. He is skeptical about it. <P>Thank you for the email address empty shell. I will give it to him. He doesn't really have anyone to talk w/ about this. None of our friends have been through this type of thing.<P>

AnnR -- Let your H know that I will be more than willing to talk with him if he is interested. I understand what it feels like to not have anyone to talk with.<P>One thing you might want to consider, is to go back and find some of my first posts which explained my situation in fairly good detail. Print these out and give them to your H. At least then he will have some kind of idea about whether or not he thinks I can offer assistance to him.<P>God Bless