Remember that I'm only a beginner here, but here's my recommendations, based on my experience and especially hindsight: Absolutely yes, be the best husband that you can be - meet those EN's and continue to snoop, and lose any lovebusters. For snooping focus on methods that typically produce the best and fastest results, such as a keylogger/internet monitor software on her computer, monitor cell phone calls/bills, etc., OR just hire a PI if you can swing it.

By the way, deleted emails can be retrieved, just ask my WW!

Make sure you read everything here from Dr. Harley, especially what goes into a Plan A, just in case you need it. End the days of blind trust, no matter what. That's what got me - never had any reason not to trust her, was that a mistake! Don't tell her about this site for a while, as you monitor things. Watch the bossman situation, I smell a snake! My WW's AP worked with her in theatre and a musical act and I made the mistake of trusting them both. What a stupid fool I was! Keep posting, the people here may be able to save you some agony down the line.

Even if it turns out to be nothing and completely innocent, I'd still learn everything I can here - Hang in there, I know it's tough - I shed more than a few tears myself! Lost 35 lbs on the infidelity diet, too...

I am getting the same thing from my WH.

He is testing me to see if I am trying to get into his cell phone (he has locked it and changed the code after I got in the first time with the factory code) and asking ME to ask him to get into his phone if I wanna see something.

Uh, why didn't ya ask me 6 wks ago before you bedded a bimbo at one of your gigs?

I didn't betray his trust, but now I have to ASK him!?!? Wtf.

Thank you for all of the responses. I have put an end to my LB's and did a great job of meeting her EN's this weekend. I actually feel better myself for doing some of the things. I even got some of my EN's met ("Hey, you cleaned! The house looks great!") We spent a lot of time together this weekend and things went from extremely awkward to not-too-bad. We kissed, hugged, she rolled over next to me Saturday morn., put her arm around me and we snuggled quite a bit, asked me to get in the shower with her and come up and talk with her when she took a bath.

We talked about our financial situation (she makes a lot more money and pays most everything, though I still earn what would be considered an "above average" salary). She said that sometimes she feels like she HAS to pay for everything. I said, that's funny because I sometimes feel like a mooch. So we came up with a plan to make her feel like she isn't responsible for everything and to help me feel like I contribute more.

We actually talked about the future. She mentioned buying a house between both our jobs and that way we could just both commute from there, leaving our condo as just our weekend place. I thought that was good. She also mentioned working out a routine so that we could see each other more, me working M-Th, then T-F and coming over there for the 4 day weekends and her always coming home on Mondays. So basically she would only be gone two nights a week at most until she can start working from home. It still sucks, but at least its a plan and she made the suggestions.

Will I let my guard down? No. Do I want to save my marriage and keep working on this? Hell yes!

HP,

It all sounds great.

No more LBs, plan A your A off and keep your Adar on.

Hope we were wrong!

kirk