Have you always stood on such a high moral ground?

Because, to be honest, I wouldn't have considered it highly moral to have fathered a child out of wedlock.

Yes, I realize that pointing this out could cause a maelstrom that results in the locking of this thread.

So be it.


committed

I think my H TOTALLY let his GUARD down and "took a walk on the WILD SIDE" and said "WTF"....because of lots of BAD THINGS that had happened to HIM in his life...and when he opened up PANDORA'S BOX there was lots of NASTINESS inside...

I THINK THAT HE REALLY WORKS ON KEEPING HIS GUARD UP to not be privy to the EVIL inside..that's the SENSE I GET...

He's the MASTER OF EXTRAORDINARY PRECAUTIONS...

Freud called it SUPEREGO...some of us have more of it than others..this sense of MORALITY..or whatever..I would think it has to do with your UPBRINGING...I mean what if you were brought up by GANGSTERS or CROOKS vs. being brought up by SOUTHERN BAPTIST GRANDPARENTS like me...

Hey, this is what the interstate system of the Unites States used when implementing "eminent domain".

More people would benefit from the system than the farmers would benefit from their land.

I had to give an indept report and presentation on this concept and its ethical stand.

committed

Well, it was the sex thing that is questionable with hindsight...although I wasn't a Christian and felt protected, monogamous sex (which we had) was okay(still do for people who are so inclined and not bound by religious conviction). Now, the fathering part...I think that is the most moral thing I have ever done. The ONLY reason my son was born out of wedlock was that his mom was a liar and a cheat...but, as for the sex thing, I would agree that given my current set of values, that would have been immoral. Standing up and being a dad...full time, sole custody...is rising to the occasion. If I did what most would do in that case, he would have been cut into four pieces and vacuumed out of her...as she wanted to do.

As I said before, the ground I am standing on only seems high because of the position you are taking. You have no where to look but up.

MEDC,


That would be wrong. When comparing rape, murder, child molestation there is actual physical damage inflicted on the victim. There is no denying the physical harm. When looking at adultery there isn't any physical damage, it's all emotional trauma. The WS can rationalize, justify, and ignore the consequences of emotional trauma inflicted on the BS. The actual intent isn't about harming the BS whereas in the cases of the other sins there is intent to do harm. There is a HUGE leap in commiting the acts.

Want2Stay

Again, I will defer to Proverbs 16:18-19.

It appears the better place for me to be. I would rather look up than look down from such a lofty perch.

It is too easy to fall from it.


committed

Are you sure? I have seen suicides, physical responses to the hurt and I would bet an HUGE increase in heart disease as a result of the crime(adultery). Rape does not always and frequently does not result in physical damage...neither does child molestation. I was molested as a kid and was NEVER physically damaged as a result of it. But I can bet you that it took a toll on my life beyond measure.


All crimes are not intentional. There can be reckless homicide...negligent homicide...and intentional. I would say that a person that is aware of the damage an affair would cause is at LEAST guilty of a negligent act...but I really believe it is more premeditated as they KNOW what will result.

Perhaps English is not your first language...so, I will repeat it once more. It isn't a lofty perch at all...it only appears that way to you.

medc,

English is my first language.

There was no need to repeat it for me.

There might have been a need to repeat it for yourself though.

committed

typical response from you.

Good, then I am at least consistent.

committed

Yep. The physical part is the least of it. I've seen this with lots of abuse victims, too.

committed, not surprised that I agree with medc?
Well, I would have to say that 99.5% of the time I do agree with what he says. There have been, on a few occassions, times I saw things differently, but he does not sugar coat things or give false hopes or imprssions to people like I see a lot on here. I respect that tremendously.

As far as this thread goes, there has been a lot brought up here. I would have to say, no matter what the circumstances were in my life and marriage or relationship, I would not have an affair. I CAN say never for that. I have lived it and I would not do that to another human being period. When my ex was out screwing everything in sight for the last 3 years of our marriage, could I have gone out and gotten a little something of my own? Sure I could have! And he probably would not have even cared and a lot of people probably would have said I was justified but you know what? We were still married and no matter what, it would not have been right. I was NOT going to lower myself to his gutter trash level. And to this day I can hold my head up high knowing I did not.

If there were issues that would cause me to want out of a marriage or relationship I would do the right thing and get out, not make things worse by finding my so called happiness elsewhere. People need to stop and think and do the right thing and the problem is, they don't.

Yes MEDC, I do feel that I can say "never" to rape and child molestation...

It's very interesting to me that God did NOT include rape or molestation in the commandments...Why do you think that is?

Do you think it's possible that God knows us better than we know ourselves? Do you think perhaps those things that He included in the commandments are indeed things that we are ALL susceptible to?

That is what I believe...

Mrs. W

no, I don't.

don't know....there are a lot more serious things than taking His name in vain too...yet they were not included. But then again, Scripture contains a lot of peculiar things that will one day be understood.

Then what is the purpose of the Ten Commandments MEDC? Are they not warnings to us about what we must guard ourselves from? Why would we need to guard against those things if we are not susceptible to them?

Mrs. W

My unfaithful former wife assured me she would never cheat on me.

So while I believe she (and anyone else who says it) really believes it, until faced with the opportunity, we really don't know how we will act.

I was even faced with opportunity to cheat while married and avoided falling to that temptation, I have no illusions that I will never face that temptation again. I believe I will not cheat, but I also make sure that I put into place safety measures.

For example, if I e-mail my ex-wife about a child care matter, I always CC my wife, so she knows what we are talking about. I show her my ex-wife's answers as well.

When I travel, I don't go out alone or with a group to bars, or with no objective other than to be out.

I avoid being in circumstances where I might be tempted, and live my life transparently. Why? Because I know there can always be a time where I'm tired, my wife and I may not be as close for whatever reason, etc.

So, one must always guard against temptation, not simply assume they will always be able to say no.

I'll go Nancy Reagan even further than "Just Say No" and say don't be in a place where you have to say no.

no, they are not warnings...they are commandments.

Perhaps things more serious to YOU though, not God...Where we place God in ours lives is VERY SERIOUS to Him...

Mrs. W