I didn't meant to sound "all-knowing" but we are all human, medc, and even if you believe you would never cheat with all of your heart, you cannot predict every circumstance that you would ever be in forever and ever...that's all I am saying.

FWIW, I do believe there is a small, SMALL percentage of people who, even when faced with the worst possible set of circumstances, would walk away before they cheated. I am not saying that the rest of the population WILL CHEAT, I am saying that probably a certain percentage of people will never have an opportunity to cheat, and therefore are never actually "tested."

But the group that would truly stand up to the test under the most horrible of circumstances (let's say D has been recently filed but you are still living together, you are out with friends and drunk, and are propositioned by the finest person you've ever met, etc) and STILL turn down the opportunity simply due to MORALITY issues is EXTREMELY SMALL!!!!!!! EXTREMELY...yes, even knowing what we know by being here.

I mean, how many times have we been preached to about driving drunk?? And yet, I knew a POLICE officer who killed innocent people while driving drunk-- even when he had to literally scrape people up off the road for the very same tragedy several times?? This guy barely survived the accident...and he has lost family memebrs this way as well...was very depressed in life, and so he KNEW ALL TOO WELL the dangers of drunk driving.

This is just one example of how people who have BTDT, have the T-shirt can STILL do the things that destroyed their OWN LIVES...so just because you (general you) are a BS here and have gone through this pain...YOU ARE NOT IMMUNE!!!!!!! And though there may be a very small handful of you that would stand up to the ultimate test, it isn't nearly as many of you as claimed!

And I am not talking about keeping good boundaries, because if those are in place, the temptation is very, very minimal...as Enlightened-Ex said.

Sorry...touchy subject for me because I, TOO, said NEVER!!

What claim? "More than a few???" Sorry, but I know you are wrong. And BTW, I am also immune to driving drunk...not because I scraped bodies off the street...and I did...but for the same reason I would never commit adultery...because it is wrong to hurt others (and myself) in that fashion. I know cops that have driven drunk as well...and IMHO, since they are not ignorant of what happens, they should be held to a higher standard and suffer a greater consequence for doing so. Same with people that commit adultery after knowing the harm that can be caused.



You can repeat it all you want..it won't change my thoughts on this. I KNOW I am immune to this. I have years and opportunities behind me to prove to me how I would react. Sorry, it just isn't in me.


And for all those that "said" never...and then did it...well, you didn't "live" never. I do and so do quite a few others. More than a few right here on this site from the sounds of it.

I will say this once more and then not address this again...since really, all people are doing is assuming that they know me better than I know myself. This is not a weakness I share with WS or FWS...or those that feel that they are susceptible to this. I have weaknesses...but this isn't one of them. Not now...not in the future. Never.

Yep!!


Yep! Yep!


Yep! Yep! Yep!

ITA! I feel this as well.

And while I let it go on as it was because I didn't know what to do, I could track the progression more and more as he felt any guilt at all less and less. Because he DID have guilt about what he was doing.

But he kept medicating and added rotgut on top of it, for a while, anyway, so that helped drown out that little voice in his head.

Yep, in the beginning he felt so bad about it that he told her he wished he could get me pregnant so there would be something left of the two of us, since we wanted to have a child together.

You can IMAGINE her reply!! LOL!

I am glad now that that didn't happen and not long after that conversation with her the SF stopped for us, anyway. (I knew he would reject me so I just gave up, really. It was before they did the deed, thank goodness!)

But I still have time if I want to do that. I've given myself until 50. I'm not in any rush, though. My Mom said, "I've given myself until **!!" LOL!! (I won't say her age so I don't reveal her age now.)

Charlotte

Because you say what you mean and you mean what you say. I follow the same rule. Always have.

Charlotte

But the MAJOR FACTOR in this is NOT the NEED FOR POWER AND CONTROL..the MAIN THING is THE ADDICTION..to MAINTAIN DRUG USE..also known as THE OTHER WOMAN...

And HE is STILL FOGGY...Yes you are, Mr NOT2, Yes you are...It will take months and months for you to become SANE AND SOBER..

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
I missed this last part this weekend....



I so completely get this....took me awhile, but I think I got it. I do not think it was about control or power, but how to try and keep his life from spinning out of control. Looking back and knowing all the details about the A that I know now, I sit and wonder who that man was and I actually feel even MORE sorry for him now than I did then. Seriously.....

The last part Mimi is too funny. I still have to repeat to myself "That is fogspead, he is still foggy", whenever the discussion turns to this subject. Which, we really try to advoid for the most part. I know all I need and want to know, and anything else that comes out of him mouth, I am not sure what to believe (I don't believe much after all the lies I was told...) and I still have a hard time distinguishing all the fogginess, so A talk is on hold.....see honey, I listen to you very carefully now...


not2fun

never knew ones opinion could be wrong

**rolls eyes & shakes head**

I was wondering about that too.

One may have a different opinion, but opinions are typically subjective.

On the other hand, if it's one's opinion that the sun rotates around the earth. It may truly be their opinion, but that opinion has no basis in fact.

So I guess I can see it both ways.

You can't tell someone that their opinion... i.e. thought or feeling....is wrong. You also can't fight a proven fact.

I don't see how you can compare rape and murder to adultery. Regardless of the level of your moral ground, you just don't walk around on a regular average day and rape somebody. Other than complete sickos, you can be pretty sure that most people would not do this. All of these extreme cirumstances described are not everyday occurances. Your children aren't threatened every day under such circumstances that raping or murdering someone else would save them. While this might make a good movie plot, virtually never happens in the real world.

Conversely, WS's commit adultery on regular average days all the time. They are not doing it to protect children or any other noble purpose. In fact, as rare as it is for someone to murder to protect their children, it is rarer still for someone to commit adultery for the same purpose. Again, an interesting movie plot but simply not real life.

So to the original question, why do some BS's commit adultery? Revenge possibly? Or possibly they are extremely vulnerable due to the damage they have just taken? Or perhaps they feel the sanctity of their marriage vows are null and void due to the henious actions of the WS? I don't really know. I'd be curious to know if these types of A's (revenge, rebound or whatever you want to call it committed by the BS) have the same patterns and statistical outcomes etc., as primary A's. I suspect that if anything, they are worse, but I wonder if anybody has looked at that.

Mental and emotional rape for the BS.