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How do you handle posters who you find unsavory? They may not break the forum rules and don't warrant a notification to the moderators, but you don't appreciate their point of view at all and even sometimes find it offensive?
At the same time, what do you do if someone that others have deemed unsavory contacts you...your experience with them has been pleasant but you also don't want to be duped. Do you follow the general consensus or do you follow your own experiences?
Just curious.
HTM
BW 37 (Me).
F?WH 35.
06/97 Married.
Three sons...4, 5, and 7.
06/04 EA begins (Unknown to me).
02/10/05 D-Day EA (Unknown PA).
02/24/08 D-Day LTA 3+ YEARS! (same OW).
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Hmmm.. Interesting point.
Personally I would ignore the ones I don't want to talk to. And give the others a chance, taking the others input under advisment.
Learning to take care of ourself is learning to set our boundaries and understanding what they are.
But on the other hand, some posters know the bigger picture and try to warn you in their own way.
Ultimately you'll learn to choose for yourself and take care of yourself.
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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I usually just ignore them. What do you usually do when you are around someone you don't particularly like? Surely that has happened in your 38 years on earth?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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HTM,
Choose from your own code...of respect, consideration and honesty.
Figure out why they are unsavory (too much salt? Not enough?) to you...and see if they cross your boundary. Like Queenie said, okay not to post to them or reply to them...even block them from your email.
If they've been banned...find out why from the source...I'm sure there have been unrighteous bans and righteous ones. Determine if you have the boundary of not emailing with members of the opposite sex, or if they are not married, not about building their marriage.
Trust your code, HTM. You have a good head on your shoulders.
LA
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Yeah...I usually feel like I know. This one is curious to me though. So many have said VERY negative things about him/her and yet, my experience so far has been fine. I hate avoid someone just because others don't like them but I also want to be safe. I can't ask the mods because they can't discuss reasons for banning someone. And I don't know how to find out as the person in question seems to feel that they were banned without just cause.
BTW...I'm sure that they are reading these posts.
As for personal boundaries, it doesn't feel much different from posting here. Just that this person has contacted me via email instead of on the forum. I'll ask H how he feels about it. Funny, I don't even know if the person is male or female.
BW 37 (Me).
F?WH 35.
06/97 Married.
Three sons...4, 5, and 7.
06/04 EA begins (Unknown to me).
02/10/05 D-Day EA (Unknown PA).
02/24/08 D-Day LTA 3+ YEARS! (same OW).
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Funny...when I disagree with someone's perspective I generally discuss it with them. I'm fine with other people believing what they want and taking what I can from the conversation. The time that it really gets to me is when I feel like their comments are harmful to others. Then I feel bristled and want to argue.
BW 37 (Me).
F?WH 35.
06/97 Married.
Three sons...4, 5, and 7.
06/04 EA begins (Unknown to me).
02/10/05 D-Day EA (Unknown PA).
02/24/08 D-Day LTA 3+ YEARS! (same OW).
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If it's a man that is contacting you by email. I would STOP that IMMEDIATELY.
Ask him to post to you on here so others can see what it being written. If it's a woman, then the same would apply.
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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BTW...I'm sure that they are reading these posts.
As for personal boundaries, it doesn't feel much different from posting here. Just that this person has contacted me via email instead of on the forum. I'll ask H how he feels about it. Funny, I don't even know if the person is male or female. That's sort of creepy.  What did the person want? I agree with Queenie.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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htm,
I suspect that the person emailing you is he of many names and many times banned from this website.
I would avoid that poster like the plague. This poster has repeatedly hounded if not stalked at least one member of this website. You could be setting yourself up for some of the same.
ba109
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ooooooooooooh, now I know who. And yes, Ba109 is right. {{shudder}}}
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Thank you for the advice...he who shall not be named (sorry, couldn't resist the Voldemort connection) is the very one.
Regardless of the past history of this person, the comment that Queenie and ML make is true. It is probably inappropriate and questionable to email someone separate from this forum on a regular basis...especially someone of the opposite sex (which I am now sure is the case). Therefore, it makes no difference if this is a saint or a sinner (for who am I to judge the capacity of a person), because it is against EPs and thus a bad choice.
HTM
BW 37 (Me).
F?WH 35.
06/97 Married.
Three sons...4, 5, and 7.
06/04 EA begins (Unknown to me).
02/10/05 D-Day EA (Unknown PA).
02/24/08 D-Day LTA 3+ YEARS! (same OW).
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HTM,
If you are going to discontinue contact then be prepared to block name after name after name.
You might just find that changing your email address is the best route.
That poster will NOT take no for an answer. Be ready.
jmho
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for who am I to judge the capacity of a person We are not to attempt to judge the eternal destiny of those around us, even the most unlovely and unpromising. Heaven views them as they can become, not as they are, and we should also. However, we MUST use discernment in those we allow in our circle of influence. There is a huge difference between saying, "He/she is going to hell, is worthless, etc.," and saying, "I can see by that person's actions that they are not currently a part of Christ, and as such I must protect myself from their influence." That holds true whether we are talking about close family members, or anonymous posters on an internet forum. Matthew 7
15 Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves.
16 Ye shall know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes of thorns, or figs of thistles?
17 Even so every good tree bringeth forth good fruit; but a corrupt tree bringeth forth evil fruit.
18 A good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit, neither can a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit.
19 Every tree that bringeth not forth good fruit is hewn down, and cast into the fire.
20 Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them.
A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb Neak's Story
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Thank you. I have requested that he discontinue emailing me. I am sure that he will be respectful of my request. When we express high expectations for someone, they often meet them out of encouragement. I have had nothing but positive dealings with this person so hopefully he will show me this courtesy.
HTM
BW 37 (Me).
F?WH 35.
06/97 Married.
Three sons...4, 5, and 7.
06/04 EA begins (Unknown to me).
02/10/05 D-Day EA (Unknown PA).
02/24/08 D-Day LTA 3+ YEARS! (same OW).
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HTM, you may be right about the emailing, but also be cautious lest additional personalities attempt to engage you on the board.
A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb Neak's Story
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