The sitch begins on page 42 of more trouble

Basic run down...YD married in Oct 07 they have twins. SOB SIL is physically abusive to her and to OGS (3) (not his). She got out finally...police involved, custody issues, drugs involved, protective orders in place as he's threaten to kill her, etc.

We're pretty sure because no one was severly hurt he'll walk on the domestic abuse charges. No child abuse charges pending as GS is to young to be put on the stand.

Both have filed for custody of twins along with his mother. They have been granted supervised visitation 2x a week, one his mother does, one I do.

Questions:
We are unsure of what to do...SOB SIL's mother is doing supervised visitation but is violating by dropping kids off with him and possibly his grandmother. SIL's Mother is NOT keeping them in her sight at all times by doing this thus violating the Protective order...anyone experienced with 'good' proof to present at court?

I also do a week day supervised visitation for GC with SOB SIL...how will the court view my declining to continue? What is a reasonable explanation to stop in the courts view?
It's a 4 hour visitation which IMO for 1 yr. olds is to long, smack in the middle of afternoon. PLUS I can't stand the sight of the SOB.

How to KEEP protective orders in place if he walks on the abuse charges? Her dad, I and her agree once someone has threatned your life YOU need to take it SERIOUSLY.

TIA

Mvg,

Have you discussed this with your DD's lawyer? She/he would be able to give you the best advice on what to do and the proper action to take.

LC

Hey LC! She does have that on her list of things to discuss with Attorney on her next visit. I just wanted to see if anyone else has been thru something like this and what worked/didn't work for them.

Aw,Man, mvg!

I feel for you! We had this problem with my ex-SIL who was (and still is, though to a much lesser degree) dangerous to my nieces. We used both voice recording (which of course is inadmissable in court) and video taping (at the behest of bro's lawyer) to help out in this regard.

I don't know about the laws in your state but maybe you could hire a PI to catch this on video? At least that way you'd have independent corroboration of what's going on.

Charlotte

I went through something similar during my first divorce. XH was physically abusive to me, not DS (yet). At the first hearing, judge ordered supervised visitation with his brother (xBIL). DS was not even 1 year old, visitations were 2 hours once a week. There were 4 weeks between the first hearing and the second. Each visitation got worse - xBIL didn't do a darn thing - not even meet me at the door when I dropped DS off and allowing XH to physically attack my mom (who came with me because I was frightened when xBIL wasn't there). On the last one, xBIL gave XH his car so he could take DS someplace else. He took him with no baby seat to some unknown location and had the nerve to return late (otherwise I might never have known).

The next court date, the judge ordered SV with children's aid instead. There were 3 weeks between this and the third date. The only CA facility that could do this was in another city 30 km away. The first week was great - I dropped off DS with a CA officer in one room. The brought him to XH in another room and supervised him for the 2 hours. The next week he didn't show. The third week, CA cancelled on us since they had way too much demand for that service to hold a spot for no-shows.

The next court date, the judge awarded me with full custody and full deciding power on if, when and under what circumstances to allow XH to see DS (as in, I could say never again and there would be nothing he could do).

Long story short, what happened was I gave him enough rope and he hung himself with it. I was very, very careful to abide by the judges orders on my end. I never showed up late to drop him off or early to pick him up and I never requested even the smallest deviation from the schedule. On the other hand, XH practically mocked the judge's orders and the judge got increasingly annoyed with him. It went from the beginning where the judge looked at me like I was some kind of rich, spoiled, princess that wanted my own way to where he saw XH for what he was - a manipulative con artist with no respect for anything or anybody.

And there were never any orders of domestic abuse filed to be dropped as this was back in the day when, despite the existance of such a law, it was common thought that it was a husband's right to beat the crap out of his wife and not anyone else's business least of all the cops.

Wow, Tabby! That's great how it worked out for you. Except for your last paragraph, that is.

My bro is in CA and uses such a service. Currently ex-SIL's visits have been terminated because she is not paying the $6 a week and is in arrears.

Good. The less they see of her the better. If things had worked out here in TX like they should have (long story) then her parental rights would have been terminated, as they should be.

There's a good possibility they will be.

And this woman is really awful. She believes she's "doing the Goddess's work by engaging in prostitution"<<<<her words. She absolutely shouldn't be around those children.

Sorry for the slight t/j, when I get started about her it's hard to shut up.

Charlotte

Just to more specifically address your quesitons:


I offered no actual concrete "proof" at my hearing, just stated my side of the story. The best I had would have been eyewitness accounts from my parents but that could have been taken as bias. If SOB SIL is even half as bad as my X, his true colours will show from his side of the story. At this point, my X said he took DS away from xBIL's because he didn't want me interfering, and actually asked the judge for a visitation arrangement where he picked up DS and took him to a location unknown to me. (judge just about died of shock that someone had the nerve to ask that a mother not know where her infant son was)


Is there a specific reason you want to discontinue? It may be better to request that the visitation time be shortened to 2 hours based on the child's age and needs.

Has SOB SIL ever threatened you? You could tell the court that you are afraid. Regardless of whether anything has happened yet, these days they should respect that.


Again, make sure she communicates clearly to the judge that she is frightened of this man. That take this stuff way more seriously than they used to.

Thank you both for your replies.

Tabby...in Va. you pretty much get a free ride for wife &/or child beating. UNLESS someone seriously gets hurt. Thank God they didn't this time.

DD is going to try and get 'kodak' proof which is what the victims/witness advocate suggested. Not sure that even that is going to make a difference to court OTHER than SIL's mother has filed for custody too...so if she's NOT doing the visitation that will pretty much shut that down and she'll appear at least ditzy.


I HATE the SOB and imagination goes a tad wild during those visitations. The court didn't talk to me about what responsibilities,guidelines, NOTHING before they set visitation...I offered in HOPES that would be the ONLY time the GC would have to visit and we would KNOW they were safe.
Now it doesn't appear the court really gives a hoot one way or the other. And I can understand...they are overloaded, but doesn't make us feel better ya know?!

SIL is also a controller/dominator/intimidator. Watching his interaction with GC can be sickening.

I guess bottom line I hate him, I want him gone, and it's a very stressful for me to watch him BUT am not suppose to interfear with his interactions with kids. Maybe I'm chicken. I dunno, I just don't want to see/interact with him again.


DEFINATELY!

Thanks for responding...I am having a hard time articulating WHY I don't want to supervise visits other than selfishness and makes me ill.