Bro, your marriage will not recover unless and until she leaves that job. She will never withdraw until that happens. Nor is it a good idea for her to go out alone; you should be going with her. If she is not working on the marriage, is she planning on moving out? What is the plan?

If you think you would punch the OM, I would suggest taking a good friend. That might even make the OM sweat more. And any time you find out he has seen your W, I would give him a call or a visit.

Have you exposed to his parents?

She is not planning to move out until we have sold the house and we need to do work on it and then try to sell it and i am not doing any work. So it will not sell!!!

I think she is also waiting for her parents to come back from vacation this weekend, before she decides what her plans will be.
She is close to her mom and her mom said she will support her what ever she decides as long as she wasn't with OM. I think W may be just acting as if she is not with OM to please her mom. She may go back to her lawyer and serve D papers, she was going to do this when I had exposed A and her mom told her not to, when she was so upset with me.

She is not going out now, so I will suggest we all go out as family for a meal.

I have not exposed to his parents I have tried to find them and used the website suggested but can't find them. I am going to ask OM ex wife if she has contact details.

Hi everyone

We have been married 13 years 3 daughters 8, 11 and 12 I am 43 she is 37.

I thought I would do a summary of my situation, 10 Feb 2008 wife said it was all over between us, this was totally unexpected no problems with R that I was aware of. She said there was nobody else involved, 8 March 2008 I discovered that she was having a workplace Affair. I was shell shocked and like a dazed rabbit in the headlights, until I found this site and the help and support of people in this community. I developed a plan and exposed the affair on the 19 May 2008. I found this difficult but I did it, W has still not forgiven me and is still mad about it.

Wife went into withdrawal shortly after for 5 days not sleeping, eating, angry she didn’t go to work during this time, when she went back she was back in contact with OM so the withdrawal process stopped. She even went to see a Lawyer and started the divorce process, she called this off when her mom intervened.

Over this period until now I have been trying to do a good Plan A, we have had lots of family time with school events and friends parties she has been quite nice to me in public I have been avoiding anger, disrespectful judgments, demands etc I found this difficult sometimes when she raises the R subject. I have been asking her not to have any contact with OM and all I get is fog bable and the classic its nothing to do with him, why I want to leave you and divorce, its all your fault!!!

For the last 2 weeks she has been saying that she is not with OM anymore but still wants to divorce, I have asked her to prove it by showing me her cell phone records and she refuses. She is not going out and seeing him when at home and I have snooped at her workplace and om house and not found anything. She has also told friends that there was someone else but there isn’t now. I believe this is all plan to help her guilt to justify that om is not the reason for splitting up.

We are supposed to be going on a family vacation in August and she wants me to go for one week with children and her for one week, I said why don’t we all go for two weeks. Her response I could not stand it being there with you, I said its just like being at home, she said I hate the weekends. In other words, I want to get to work to be with OM. I do think the OM is putting pressure on her regarding this and also wanting her to D quickly. She as just said that she is sick of all the men in her life and hates all men, this was after a drink so probably the truth.

Anyway I am still hanging in there children are lot better now as there as been less talk about R and D.

I was wondering if I should send the letter that trueheart did to all WS and see if it would have any effect ?

Also I am going to do some serious snooping to find out what is really happening with A and then, I will re-expose if i find evidence. And i will do it better than last time!!!

As MelodyLane wrote, you cannot recover your M while your WW works with OM. The two of them have to be completely separated and never have contact again.

They work together, right? So what happened at work when you exposed? What did HR say to you? What did HR say they were going to do?

Work are not interested as they say it is not effecting their work and they are not using company resouces. W and OM work in different buildings w only occasionally comes across om at work, if she wanted to she could arrange her work with her boss not to see om.

I have asked her to leave the job, but she will not do it.

I think she is still seeing OM it may not be a PA now, more EA.
Also I mentioned earlier in my posts that she had a poison friend who enabled the A, I have just found out her husband has just had an A. I do feel sorry for her because I know the pain she is going through, but a small part of me thinks what goes around comes around.

Then she has chosen the OM over you. You should act accordingly.

I agree. I know to her it may seem drastic and over the top, but to you - and with the knowledge you've gained here - she is setting herself up for more drama. That should be your number one boundary. Sorry.

Do you mean I should start preparing my Plan B, this would mean I have to sort some where to live and access rights to the children

No. It means SHE needs to find a place to live.

The whole point is to make it NOT EASY for her to not comply with your needs at this point.

Hi Cat

I don't really know what you mean ? I am trying do a good plan A is that what you mean

Bro,
You stated that she would not show you her cell phone bill. In my own experience with this matter, there ARE ways to get this information without her "consent". I myself went online and was able to retrieve both my FWW AND OM's cell phone records. (I knew enough information about OM to do this...and I just assume that you know all the relevant information about your wife.)
What cell phone company is she using?
~MrStrype

Just phoned OM when W was at his house her car was seen outside his house. I left a quite angry voice mail and eventually got through to him. After a few choice words from me and explaining the pain and suffering he was causing my family, he said what happened in our marriage was nothing to do with him and hung up.

W said she was only there for 20 mins and said nothing happened.

W is trying to make out that she is only seeing him as a friend.
I asked her again to agree NC and I didn't get a response.

Wife has just said she is having NC with OM but still wants to proceed with D. NC has been for 5 days according to W. What has triggered the conversation is lawyer has been in contact with W regarding proceeding or closing file.

W is still saying our situation is nothing to do with OM,(this is the best fog statement ever) I said you still haven't got him out of your system, you went to his house last week!!

She also said she had noticed changes in me but found them false

What is the best way to handle these conversations?

Hi Bro! There isn't anything you can do to stop her. All you can do is make sure she understands your expectations. And that is that you will not stay in a marriage with 3 people. She needs to also knows that you will be countersuing for adultery, going for primary custody, full possession of the house and contents. You can only control yourself, not her.

If she wants to divorce over her adultery, that is her right. Just be sure she understands that she will have to fight for every little thing she gets. And then if she does serve you, get the meanest SOB lawyer you can find.

She is still in the affair full swing, btw. I like that you called the OM up and confronted him, but I would suggest visiting him in person and asking him what his intentions are with your wife?

Did you expose to his parents like I suggested?

Bro,
It's been a couple of weeks since you posted; how are things going?
I know it's hell to live through but your WW's confusion and anger are very good signs.

Hi All
I have being considering my options over the last few weeks and we were getting on really well, me and the W. Then I received a letter from a lawyer saying the Marriage had broken down and she wanted to separate legally but not divorce. This was totally unexpected and shock to me, the children were also stunned and upset as we had being getting on well. Thinks have calmed down now since the letter and we are talking and still in the same house. I have taken legal advice and we can both stay in the house. Until court tells me otherwise.
She says the A is over, I have exposed to OM parents they say the A has ended too. But she still wants to separate, and have joint custody of the children. I think the A is over as there is no contact being made at home and she is not going out on evening, the only time would be at lunch at work. However I think she intends to restart with him once separated, this is to justify to friends and family that OM was not the reason for our marriage breakdown.
Any advice on way forward?

Hi Bro,
Sorry you are in this situation. I would agree that IF WW is in no contact with OM, it has only been for a couple weeks since you caught them together on June 26 per above post. Since they still seem to work together, I am pretty certain that there is contact between the two of them.

As time goes on, I doubt very much that she will be able to maintain the ruse of "no contact" with OM. You might want to consider hiring a PI in a little bit.

What State are you living in? What are the laws regarding alienation of affection in your State?

Do you have an attorney? Do you still want to fight for the marriage?

I still want to fight for my M and there is no alienation of affection law. There still appears to be no contact with OM time will tell. W is really still mad about exposure and keeps bringing it up also loads of fog and reinventing history to justify what she did. But we are getting on better than we have.

I have had legal advice and the conclusion is to sell the house and split the assets. This will take time in the current market and it needs work to sell, it could be 12 months!! This give me time to finish plan A and move to plan B if required.