Thats not what you said right here though.

I'm done with games.

Maybe we should discuss this series of emails that happened between bunny and a former coworker of mine. Emails from bunny were sent at the time she was talking to me and right after being sent we spent the day together and she told me straight to my face that she was not looking for sex. Names and addresses have been edited.

Original email sent by bunny that included attached picture of her sent on 4/22/08:

I saw your profile on (name of swinger site) and would be
interested in seeing more pics. I know my profile is
hidden. That is because I have a lot of personal
family things going on but could really use a break
from that. Here is a pic of myself taken January of
this year. Let me know if you might be interested in
getting to know each other better by replying and
sending more pics. It would of course be nsa.

Talk to you soon.
bunny


Emails sent after that:


The divorce has been started but not sure where it is
going from there. And that is why this would be no
strings attached.

I like to meet first at a bar, then if comfortable and
like what I see and hear sex will come. Very well
could be the first time we meet or the second. If it
nevers leads to sex then we chalk it up to friends
that hang out and help each other pick up people.

bunny


--- Dave > wrote:

> It doesnt really matter to me. I'm off of (name of road) west
> of there.
> So your just separated or divorcing?
> I can understand the high sex drive thing. Just want
> to make sure where if anywhere this may leed or will
> never leed to so we have a clear understanding ahead
> of time.
> Dave
>
>
> ----- Original Message ----
> From: Bunny
> To: Dave L <
> Sent: Saturday, April 26, 2008 6:53:08 AM
> Subject: Re:
>
> I understand about the schedule thing. the only
> night
> I cant is tuesday. ( EDIT: BECAUSE OF MC )
>
> So if you are close to (name of store) would there be
> somewhere closer then (name of bar)? I am just down the
> road
> from (name of store). I know my profile says I'm in (town where her still on the site profile is located)
> but that is not the case anymore. I take it then
> you
> are off of (name of a road)?
>
> The family thing is that I have just recently
> separated from my husband. I am easy going and laid
> back. I like to go out and let loose when I can. I
> am looking for no strings attached since I do not
> want
> a relationship right now but still have a high sex
> drive that I need to take care of.
>
> bunny
>
> --- Dave L < wrote:
>
> > Great. I know where (bar name) is yes. Next week might
> be
> > a little rough for me I have to wait for my
> schedule
> > to come out tomorrow and will see.
> > I'm near (name of store where by he lives).
> > Tell me more about you and your situation if you
> > would.
> > Dave
> >
> >
> >
> > ----- Original Message ----
> > From: Bunny
> > To: Dave L <
> > Sent: Saturday, April 26, 2008 6:18:21 AM
> > Subject: Re:
> >
> > No you did not scare me off with the sports bar
> > thing
> > or anything you said. I had some things to take
> care
> > of so have not been on.
> >
> > Have you ever been to (place to meet) there on (road name)
> down
> > from the (near place to meet)? I was just their last friday.
> > Maybe
> > we could meet their or another bar sometime this
> > week
> > for a drink.
> >
> > Where in (town name) are you located? I am near the
> > (mall by where she lives).
> >
> > bunny
> >
> > --- Dave L < wrote:
> >
> > > Just wanted to say hello again. Haven't heard
> > > back from you so I hope the family thing is
> going
> > ok
> > > and hope I didn't say anything to scare you off.
> > >
> > > I think honesty is a very good policy and if you
> > too
> > > have any questions then ask away. Did I answer
> > your
> > > questions?
> > > I also like to dance so i hope me liking sports
> > bars
> > > has nothing to do with it.
> > > Really new to this whole swinging thing but
> would
> > > like to get to know you and see where your
> > > comfortable with it leading to. Just let me know
> > and
> > > i'll go with it.
> > >
> > > Hope to hear from you
> > > Dave




You chose to divorce me and you choose to not have a relationship. Cut and dry to me now.

We make our choices from our own core values, not as a result of being justified by other people's choices.

I can imagine reading those emails is very painful. What can you do for self-care today?

Yes we do. After knowing those facts and knowing she was lieing to me when I asked if she was looking for sex I still made the choice to show love, making improvements and trying to mend our marriage. I've done that since also inspite of the fact she still has the profile up and has pictures on it and states she is only "taking a break".


It was very painful and I justified not letting it effect my hard work and attempts to save the marriage. I said to myself that it's all because of the past hurt I caused her. It was her choice to send those emails, it was her choice to lie to me and everyone here. It was her choice to end the marriage and it's her choice to not have a relationship.

It's now my choice to work on just me. I've had much added stress since then. It's effected me and the things I have done greatly. It's no excuse for the choices I made to contact her on NC days.

For my self care and my well being I plan on picking up some books to help me deal with the stress and anxiety I have been going thru and to find better ways to deal with those things that will help me.

How do you feel about finding a volunteer activity? IMO, it is the number 1 best way to improve yourself and feel good.

lol I do that now with my neighbors. I think it would be a good idea after I get my stress and anxiety under control and least somewhat. Right now I'm having a very hard time helping myself and I feel I need to do that first and foremost. I feel my mental condition is not good enough to be of stable help to much more then what I currently do and what I currently have on my plate. Thank you for the suggestion and happy belated birthday btw.

Cat, that made a big difference to me. I was overwhelmed at first, so I started really really small, like signing up for a prision pen-pal ministry. It's an hour a month, but it made me feel good. And giving $5 instead of $1 to a fundraiser at work. Really really small.

Thanks.

I disagree that you need to fix yourself first. IMO, you fix yourself by getting immersed in other activities, especially ones that help other people. If you're hurting, it doesn't matter, when you're visiting an elderly person in an old folks home who no one ever visits, or helping the pet adoption agencies groom and play with the pets they're trying to adopt.

I did not lie to anyone on here or you about the emails. I admitted what I did the last time they were brought up.

It was not asked of me if I was looking for sex that night. It was asked if there was someone else and about having sex with you.


Also if there is anything anyone would like to address or ask me please do so in my thread as I will no longer get sucked into the back and forth with him. I will also be posting my feelings to what is said in my thread for this thread.

Bunny,

I'm wondering...would you say since coming to MB you now believe swinging is adultery? You said yes before...and I'm wondering if you followed through with the divorce after changing your belief, because to date others and not act against your belief, you would need to be single?

And now you are. I ask for your truth about this because what ezb has heard is that you divorced him based on his behavior, his beliefs, and followed through to the end with the divorce based on not seeming change.

When we make decisions, they really are based on our change.

Thank you for your consideration.

LA

Bunny,

You just added your edit as I was posting to you!!

Let me know if you want me to move it or just quote my post in your response on your thread.

Thanks,

LA

Posting on MB is obviously an unavoidable form of contact. I will be leaving the boards until such time as I feel it's right or can help the situation so I can avoid contact.

Thank you everyone once again for your help. It's obviously behond this type of thing though.

I will not be posting on your thread any longer so you do not have to worry about it.

I always asked for you to so we could work on things and understand things and try to improve our relationship.


Thanks for the help everyone. She is now no longer willing at all and says it is over.

Ezb,

Please sit with this thought and do not react...which is to take action in words or deeds...know your reactions and sort them.

Bunny's choices are made by, for and about her. Not you.

She is not experiencing this truth in her life.

It's a human truth for all of us.

You can't make her see it, understand it or live from it. I think you are panicking about being a separate human being because you fear your limitations...and this happens when we are giving our power away.

The anxiety disappears when we take it back. We can't really give it away, just experience life as if we did.

Your healing is now your top priority...even above your children...because you want to be a healed and healthy parent; what you example to them matters. You matter to them. And because, you matte.

If you choose to continue posting as a resource in your personal recovery and put Bunny on ignore to protect your own healthy boundary, so that you add another act you do of self love and respect, I'll support you. When our focus has been glued to another for years, it's a process to bring it back to where only you have responsibility. You really don't know how imaginative you are until you kick your addiction to a person.

That was my experience.

LA

Thanks LA. I will think about that and many other things you have said.

I juust ordered 2 more books: Learn to Relax by Mike George and How to Relax by Patrick Davis. I feel I should havee ordered these type of books long ago.




EDIT: Communication isn't you stating, and then me replying...it's striving first to understand, then be understood.



Very true statement LA that has a lot to do with the "back and forth". It's not something that has been able to be done in a long time in our relationship.

I thought we had a really positive talk tonight. Hopefully we can have more of those.

Could you explain what you mean with that please? A little confused here as to far as what truth you mean.


Your very perceptive. I feel your correct. I feel I fear the limitations I have put on myself in order to not hurt our relationship more. I have also not put full limitations on myself though.



Yes it is a priority and I have not been strong in front of them.

ears,


can you link me to your thread please? I would like to look if thats ok.

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2078421#Post2078421

Sure, ezb. I think that we're working on a pretty similar things, getting consistency in expressing our changes in thinking to changes in actions. And especially letting go of the response.