AOw3,
I've just now spent the last - well who knows, a long time - reading your story. I just want to let you know that I think you are and have been doing a fabulous job! What a great father you are! Also, a good Christian man with morals bringing up his kids biblically the best he can, especially given the situation you are in. God has given you strength through this.
I know that you want your W back, just not the way she is now. I have to be honest with you, I hope you get that. I am also pro marriage...and a Christian.
Good luck to you, sir, and keep up the good work. May God bless you even more so throughout this entire ordeal.
Sincerely,
~MrStrype

No kidding!

AW3,
I have to agree with the others here. This is a BIG CLUE into her current state of humility and willingness to make change.

There's no way that a doctor would have not prescribed her something had she told the truth.

BEWARE.... put your guard back up. Just because the OM is not in the picture, this WW is still no where near the path of recovery.

ACTUALLY, I'm not assuming that OM IS out of the picture. I have no proof of that! I only have the words of two women that say THEY spoke to him and expressed that NC should occur. That doesn't mean WW hasn't contacted him again. That doesn't mean he hasn't contacted her!

Stella, I'm not sure where you're getting your info! It seems that you think I have the door left wide open and am standing in it with outstretched arms....I assure you, that IS NOT the case!

I have made it no secret that I would like to R with my WIFE. But I refuse to even speak to WW about it! There IS a difference. In fact, I only wish to R if my WIFE can get her own demons cured and realize, OPENLY, her mistakes! That may NEVER happen...and, I'm okay with that option as welll.

This morning, the baby's caseworker had scheduled an appointment for 9am. At 7:15, my doorbell rings and there she is! I think she was trying to SURPIRSE me to see if either the baby WASN'T here (w/WW), or if WW WAS here! Kind of TICKED ME OFF, but, I took her to the baby's bedroom and let her see her ASLEEP! We then walked back outside and spoke for a few minutes. Wonder what she was REALLY up to???

Don't be ticked.

The woman was doing her JOB.

Her job is not about tricking YOU, it's about making sure that little one is safe and secure.

Probably so...and, OF COURSE, she was safe!

But...if they don't trust me, why would they leave her here in the first place?

The local DSS REALLY does have a grudge against WW, they don't seem to see that this child is WITH ME...and will stay WITH ME!

They are being extra careful FOR her.

Just like YOU would be and are.

They, like you, realize what a precious gift she is.

And now the record will reflect that she was WITH YOU during an unscheduled surprise visit, and that's a GOOD THING. Right? It's not personal, it's what they are required to do.

Yes, I thought unscheduled visits were just a part of the process. I wouldn't take it personally. At least you knew she was coming sometime that morning.

Yeah, I know...I sound defensive again, it's just that they've NEVER done a surprise visit in the 2 1/2 years we've had her. Really...it's ni big deal, she was EXACTLY where whe was supposed to be...sleeping peacefully!

Don't know if I've told you, but I got a new foster license with ONLY my name on it. DSS had her removed from everything shortly after saying she could have NO visits! It is still ironic that, I could leave her with one of you if I chose to, but NOT with the woman she calls "momma."

Not that I disagree, she doesn't need to be around WW right now in her present condition. She won't be calling her momma eventually if D occurs. But...DSS doesn't even know about the stuff you guys do, JUST the guardian-ad-litem, and she doesn't know about last Friday night!

The checks may be more stringent for adoption applications than for foster care, I dunno.

And sad to say, but this isn't the first time that a random stranger off the street is safer for a child than the person they call "mommy" (or "daddy" in some cases).

When my D17 was about 5, my stepmother called CPS (your DSS) to claim that my H was abusing our daughter (she hates my H and she's crazy; long story). They came out to D's school, met with her, and THEN called me to tell me that we were under investigation, from the school! Of course it was thrown out, but apparently they DO make spot inspections.

Your case has probably been elevated to a 'concern' level, so spot inspections are now part of the deal.

If I were a caseworker, and I have been one in the past, I would most definitly go do surprise visits to see your house and kids. With the abuse from the wife and all your issues, you guys are on ALERT status. Even the fact you picked a wife like that, well, that reflects on your judgement. And the state knows it too. Cudos to them doing this job well.

I hope hope hope Abandoned that you are seeing the full personality of your wife. I know you see most of how she is and was but do you see THE FULL-ON, UNVARNISHED TRUTH!!!!

You have said it here that you wished to leave her many many times in the past, even before the third affair, but that divorce is not in your vocabulary and you wanted to impress the church and your relatives by staying married at all costs.

Well, the cost of your blindness and your thinking that way is hurting not only yourself but your kids. I am sorry for them.

Stella, I said that I believe in the sanctity of marriage. WW wasn't ALWAYS like this...we have known each other 20 years!

I NEVER said that I kept her around to impress anybody, only that I, of course, care about my reputation. My reputation, CURRENTLY, without WW, is still PERFECTLY intact. NO ONE thinks any less of ME today than they did 2 months ago...except maybe you and a few others here.

Don't be sorry for my kids...I WILL do what's best for them!

I have never read where AB says this... at all.

Thank you Princess, maybe she just assumed that's what I had meant.

Look at it this way: Since soooo many people know what she's done and how she's acted for the past 2 months, what kind of hit will my reputation take if I DO R with her? Yes, my reputation is important to me (as everyone's should be to them), but my family is more important...especially my kids!

That you're a forgiving man? That you meant it when you said, "for better or worse"? That you understand that God can renew a person's mind (and behavior)? That you believe in miracles!

Of course, recovery with her would ONLY come after MONTHS of therapy for her (and maybe the kids) and seeing a repentent and remorseful heart, right?

ABSOLUTELY!!!

Maybe WW thinks that I want to parade her around like the "forgiven harlot" to make myself look even better, who knows?

I DO believe in miracles...and ANY R at this point would certainly be one!

AB3, miracles DO happen. I'm catholic. I made a pilgramage to Lourdes. When I came home with Lourdes water both my wife and father were healed. Wife from mental issues and father from spiritual.

I know you are not catholic but miracles happen for all.

From my perspective, AB may not have put it in those words while posting here, but the same message that Stella got was the same thing I've been reading (between the lines) for weeks now.

AB, you asked me once what I was seeing in your thread that caused me to question you, well ... there it is. I think you just want to be the "white knight", SuperDad and Captain Christian all rolled into one. It is simply who you are.

You are more interested in your reputation or image within the community than ANYTHING else, PLUS you're just as addicted to the drama as your WW is.