I've been practicing the MB principles for 9+ months now. My husband is an alcoholic and suffering from depression (he refuses to be treated for either). I'm 30, and we have a 1YO. I'm in counseling and am running out of energy for working on my marriage. My counselor sees this and has requested that I start thinking about a trial separation. She said she can physically see me growing depressed and an increase in my stress levels. There was some emotional abuse, but by practicing MB, it's almost non-existent now.

The thing is, I'm afraid if I do get a separation, I'll never want to go back. I have a history of never taking back friends, boyfriends, etc. after we've "severed ties". I'm afraid I'll like it because without him, my life would be simpler. But it's not all about me. It's about my child. Is it better to be raised in a dysfunctional home or a broken one? I'm willing to stay in a loveless marriage for my child, but I'm not sure it's the right thing.

So, unless a miracle happens and he gets treatment, I'll never have a good marriage. So, I can continue to live with him as a roommate type situation or I can live in a different house. I don't want my child to think Mommy and Daddy being roommates is "normal", but I don't want her to be away from her father either. Ugh... I hate this.

Opinions anyone?

You won't be keeping her away from her father. She'll be able to see her father provided he's sober enough. The MB principles won't work with addicts, alcoholics or those suffering mental illness. Your husband's primary relationship is with alcohol.

Have you read the letters to Dr. Harley regarding alcoholics? Dr. Harley originally worked with addicts. He says in one of the letters that girls in particular tend to marry alcoholics if they have an alcoholic parent. Separating, and possibly, divorcing, may be the best way to break that cycle for her. It's not about what she does or doesn't do. It's not that she's not good enough to save daddy. The addiction is just too strong.

Read up on Plan B and there's a book about Controlled Separation. You may find that interesting. It's called "Should I Stay or Should I Go? How a Controlled Separation Can Save Your Marriage".

There are no right answers here. You just have to do your best.

I have read Dr. Harley's letters. The plan was to deal with the alcoholism first (I saw it as a more immediate need) and then tackle the depression. I've been working MB to #1, be a better wife/make it easier for him, and #2, so when/if he could follow the MB, I wouldn't be LB. We've been dealing with the alcoholism, and that is better. He's still drinking but it's a reasonable amount. So, I set out to deal with the depression and I've hit a brick wall.

I'm hopeful a separation may snap him out of it. The baby and I will be going to see family for a week (without him-his choice). I'm hopeful that will shed some light on things. Thanks for the book suggestion. I'll grab it.

Wateroak,

I am sorry that you have found yourself in this situation.

You made a statement that I want to comment on.



In my opinion it's best to be raised in a home with respect and love. Being a single parent is not a broken home. It's a home that is different then the kid sitting in the front row, or the one in the third row, everyone's family dynamics are different. It is what you choose to make them.

You are not taking your child's father away from her, he is doing that himself with the choices that he has made.

You have to protect yourself and your child, physically, emotionally and spiritually and do it to the best of you ability!!!

Best wishes to you,

Dawn