ok you two....I am about to GAG.... !!!!!!

Flirting on MB should not be allowed......(rolley-eyes...)


Actually I am just joking....REALLY I AM....my first thought when I saw this interaction was "Well, it looks like we have a New Lala and W2S in town....".....its cute....that is when it doesn't make me sick.....lol......

(Plus I think it a VERY VERY good thing for new BS to see this so they can have some hope for their future and see what GOOD can come out of this....and see that RECOVERY is not all about the BAD moments and triggers....)

not2fun

I think flirting is an essential part of not only the recovery, but keeping a marriage alive. I love to flirt with my husband whenever I get the chance. I know that I love when he flirts with me too. He is special and deserves to know that he is exclusive by my undivided attention and affection.

We really need help. Sometimes I feel so helpless because Try is so hurt and down. I have been trying to be upbeat and encouraging, but it seems that some days it doesn't help.

I have been trying to find work I could do at home or nanny work where I could bring our son, because we can't afford child care, but everything seems to fall through. I do have two part time jobs, but wish so bad I had a degree in something that could really bring some money in for us so I could take some of the pressure off of my husband.

how does the whole Anti-depressant thing work? We have talked a little about it and I know Try doesn't want to take any, but might. We have no money to go anywhere and no money for child care.

i feel as though most of our time is taken discussing the affair good or bad. We have about 15 hours total a week together alone. It's not enough. I love him and want to spend time with him doing fun things to bring us closer together and feel that is not happening. I feel closer to him, but feel that we could maybe be further along if we just spent more time just having fun conversation.

If we have to give up our house to have more money to do things together than I think it's worth it. It's a hard call because I think our home is my husband's dream house although he probably doesn't feel as good about it as he did when we moved in for obvious reasons.

It makes me feel awful that I'm the reason he can't concentrate at work. I don't know how to help him do that. Just my encouragement doesn't seem to be enough. I am so sad! I just want to take it all back and make the hurt stop. I want us to be able to live where we are and just be able to pay our bills.

I'm sorry this all sounds really depressing, I am having a hard time and just need some encouragement myself. Between school, my two part time jobs, and his 60 hour a week job it's like we have precious few hours and it's weighing on both of us.

oh goodie,,,,,

I was getting ready to put a shout out to ya...letting you know that Try is struggling today.

So, do you want help for you TODAY or for Try???

not2fun

I would like help for both of us. I want him to know that I am here for him, I want to be strong and sometimes I am not sure how to be that. I mean beside just letting him know.

I highly recommend going this route. Especially Try (HTM recommended this today and I seconded it......).

They really really helped me through this. Heck, I would not be where I am today without them. Now, since you probably don't know my story, I'll give ya a little background info.

I suffer from panic attacks and anxiety. Those got so bad it manifested into depression. This all happened 5 yrs. ago (oldest D was molested...whole nother story...). Anyway, when the attacks first started, I resisted going on AD's for a whole year. Worst thing I ever did. I spent a year in my life in a cocoon trying to keep the attacks at bay.

Anyway, once I went on them, things went well. I started to lift out of it and my emotions began evening out. When that happened, my attacks subsided. Now, it did take some time for the Dr. to find the right meds. and dosage for me, but once we did, I was so much better.

The Dr. and I started to wean me off of them last summer. AD's are not meant to be on forever (and before Try panics and says "NOTS been on them for 5 yrs...", my time line is not quite like that. I started having the attacks 5 yrs. ago. Went on AD's a year after that. After 8 mths. I decided I didn't like the side effects and I was "better" took myself off of them. The attacks came back and I went back on the AD's. Now, AD's work SO MUCH BETTER when they are coupled with counseling. I never did that....).

Anyway, we were weaning me off when Dday 1 happened. Two days after that I went right back to my DR., told her what was going on in my life, we upped the dosage again. I whole-heartedly believe that if I had not done that, I would not have handled and survived these last 6 months. I have stated that repeatedly on this forum. Now, that doesn't mean that I didn't have some rough days through out all of this, but it kept me from drowing in all of this crap......

So that is my take....and I really think Try would benifit from them....

not2fun

ok.....lets work on today. Can we do that??? NO BORROWING WORRIES....TODAY......


TONIGHT is declared a no talk of AFFAIR/RELATIONSHIP/MARRIAGE....

Get a babysitter.....

Do something fun....

THIS IS AN ORDER.....ITS MANDATORY.....

You two need to create a new memory.....TODAY....think like your MARRIAGE DEPENDS ON IT....because in a way it does.


Now, ask yourself this??? What can ILMH do to meet TTH's EN'S tonight??? What can you two do for fun to meet those needs???

Tell what you all like to do and I will help you come up with something......

not2fun

ps...I know that this will not solve all the problem stated above, but right now, TODAY, TTH is so low and I suspect he is dragging you down with him, that you all need to do something to lift up your spirits and help renew your resolve to this M....I am routing for you two. I am in the same place and boat you all are in (with the exception that my WH is not even as close as you are in your growth. But then again, we've only had NC for 6 weeks....), so lets do this ride together.....

I just want to feel that he loves me again. He says he does and I know if he didn't he wouldn't be here now, I just want us to build a great foundation and not make the same mistakes again. I think in the last few days he has started to become more affectionate with me even though I think he doesn't feel like it.

I would love to have long conversations with him again. Anything that makes us feel closer.

about the AD. That is something he is going to have to decide on his own. If it can help even out his emotions and help him focus at work it just might save our asses, at least financially. I think he might not feel so depressed if we were at least doing well on that front. Not that my A wouldn't have been just as bad, just at least we could have focused on just us, but there's this whole other thing of impending doom that we also have to think about.

Thank you so much for checking in. Try is a great man and can pull us out of our financial train wreck, he is great at what he does and if he could just find a way to tap into his potential and concentrate, I have no doubt that we would be okay, not rich, but at least paying our bills. I think that alone would make it possible for more time for each other.

When I post I feel that my comments are always all over the place so forgive me if it's hard to follow!

I don't get home till about 10 pm tonight....

We love to play games. I guess we could play something when I get home from my english comp class... It's hard to think of things to do that late except the obvious!

I have to leave in a few minutes so if I don't reply sorry... I will read it when I get home tonight..

Girlfriend,

You are telling this to the wrong person.....TELL TRY THIS...AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN....

He NEEDS your admiration.....

CRAVES IT....THRIVES ON IT.....

It looks like YOU hit on what EN you need to meet today....

YOU can do this.....I TOTALLY HAVE FAITH and BELIEVE in you...


not2fun

ps...I hope that didn't sound too much like a 2x4, its just when you posted that it was like "BINGO.....Houston we have contact...". And the rest is just what Mimi would say to me. It took me a long time to get this, and heck I still don't have it down.... ....Just remember this....FEELINGS FOLLOW ACTIONS.....

I tell him things like that everyday because i know this is what he needs so bad. I think he doesn't think he can pull this off, but he can. I love him and have faith in him. He has always taken care of me and now me and our son.


I love him so much!!!!!!

ok...I need to sceddaddle too...I am supposed to be cleaning the basement which meets mr. Nots EN and I have spent too much time on the computer today that it is now startign to become a LB.....

Anyway, 10pm is no excuse.....Heck, take a walk together. You don't need to talk, just be together.

Hey, why don't you bring some of TRY'S favorite dessert home for you two????

Let me know tomorrow how it turned out, and then we can discuss all the other problems you mentioned......

not2fun

I just keep having thoughts!

I have been making it a point to take three EN a day and more if I can and meeting them for Try. I get up and start to think about what I can do to meet a need or needs and just do it. I don't find it hard to meet Try's needs because i want to. I love making him feel good..!!

one more thing....why don't you leave him a note......

ILMH...

I have talked to Try a couple of times. I know he is hurting a lot still, but I just wanted to let you know that it sounds to me like you two are really working hard. I wish MY F-WH would work as hard as you are.

And I know that Try really wants to feel your effort. He is struggling through his stuff but in the end, you will be the one that is there for him and helps him the most. Keep doing what you're doing.

HTM

ILMH,,,,

This is all good, really it is. Try will get there. Be patient. I know its frusterating. Gosh, do I know. But just keep doing what YOU need to do. You are giving him lots of help.

And as far as those thoughts, just don't let them get you down.

Try does love you.....really he does.....I see it in his posts.....He is walking a fire of coals for you.....

TIME is what we all need....and that can't be rushed.....

not2fun

ps. again, I am not trying to 2x4 ya and if it comes across that way, im sorry....I just see you two in such a difficult place and want to help you all get through today....

Hey ILMH....


Wanted to check in a see how things are holding today???

I hope better than yesterday....


not2fun

We had a really great weekend. No affair talk. We had guests over and had a ton to do because we did an event at our house so we are really exhausted today. Try is having a tough day and I think he is discouraged. I am trying to cheer him up, but I don't think it's doing any good. I asked him what i could do to help and all he said was "I wish I knew" I really want to cheer him up so bad!!! I feel like it would be so much easier if I wasn't the one who had hurt him.

There are times that I feel like no matter what I do it will never be enough. I know thats probably not true it just seems like it at times. I am doing a lot to keep things positive even if I don't feel it.

I am trying so hard to become a better wife, doing everything I can think of to recover and I know Try sees it, and that makes me feel good, but then I feel sad when he tells me that I could be doing more, that I need to seek more ideas to help him through this. I am sure there will always be more. Sometimes I feel so overwhelmed because I am not sure what he needs from me. He says he doesn't even know, but when he sees it he will know.

Sometimes he'll point things out that I do need to work on and I see his point. (I am not very good at leading things. Sometimes I think I am getting done what needs to be done, but I guess I need to let Try know about it more)

I have even become more organized because I know it drives my husband nuts to have disorganization in the house. I think I am doing quite well although not totally there yet due to the fact that as I am cleaning up one mess my three year old is undoing everything else in the house!

I want to make him feel happy and know that I really am trying.