It has been a while since I've posted. My husband is not coming around and there is obviously more to the story like an ongoing relationship, addiction, drugs, etc. He is making no effort for us to reconcile and pushes me away eventhough he has lied, cheated, been mentally abusive, etc. Divorce is very likely so I am wondering how to prepare. I essentially have no income since I started a business recently and had a baby. He makes a lot (almost 200K/yr). One of our issues was him spending money on gambling and on whatever he wants (golf, trips, hobbies, car, etc.) without consulting me. In fact most of our debt I had no clue about since he would hide statements and lie to me. He has now taken away my credit cards and check cards. He continues to spend out of control and more than he makes-we now have over 100K in credit card debt. Even if we stayed together (not happening) we would have to sell our house.
Not sure what to do at this point. I have to move out due to the mental stress. I've had two anxiety attacks in the past week. I started a checking account and have been saving money for an apartment and my student loans, living expenses, but can't be just take that in the divorce? I am responsible for his debt, but have no power to stop him. What to do? What are some ways to protect myself and my baby? I have a call into a lawyer, but no response.
Please help!!!!! Thank you!!

Hi NewMama-

Sorry you are in this situation. I'm not sure what the laws are in your state, but it's possible that any debt that he got into without your signature (your approval) will be his to deal with.

You mentioned that you have a student loan. I would call them and get the paperwork for a hardship deferral. This is no big deal for them. It will stop your payments and interest for awhile-depending on the reason for the hardship. That will give you some breathing space.

As far as finding a lawyer, if you go to a church, as a lawyer there if he/she can refer you to a good divorce lawyer. If you don't have that kind of contact, get ahold of the family court clerk. They often have names and numbers of lawyers who work with families on a sliding scale.

Also, find out if there is a women's law center near you. They have referrals and sometimes legal advice for women in your situation.

You should try to get a legal separation agreement to start with, and then you can proceed with all the divorce stuff with yourself protected legally and financially.

In my state, even a LSA with children involved requires that the other parent pay child support, and it can garnisheed from their pay so there is no delay in the payments.

Hope this helps.

Oh, yeah. You need to get yourself to a good lawyer asap. Ask friends and family and don't be cheap. This is not the time or place to scrimp given the size of your spouse's income and his gambling problem. (NOTE: I'm note suggesting she take him to the cleaners, leave him in the poor house or anything else.)

Also, the sooner the better. Why did you H take your credit cards and check cards? Get to those banks today and check the account balances. My guess is he has cleaned them out or is about to.

Make copies of all tax returns and bank statements. Make sure you know his SSN.

Get as much cash together as possible, this is currency-cash. If he closes the checking and savings accounts, your SOL.

In my state, when you file for D, you protect yourself financially. As in, the clock stops, so any additional credit he gets will be his alone. However, you may still be liable for what he's generated to date.

A local Woman's crisis center can give you lots of help and counseling, as well as legal referrals.

Keep any savings in cash - for your own protection.

Good luck. But do something soon.