I HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR 6 YEARS AND HAVE TWO BEAUTIFUL GIRLS, A 3 YEAR OLD AND A 5 MONTH OLD. WELL ABOUT A MONTH AGO I FOUND TEXT MESSAGES ON MY HUSBANDS PHONE, CONFRONTED HIM AND FOUND OUT HE HAS BEEN CHEATING. ABOUT A WEEK LATER I CHECKED CELL PHONE RECORDS AND FOUND IT HAS BEEN FOR 9 MONTHS, SINCE I WAS 4 MONTHS PREGNANT. HE MET THE LADY AT HIS WORK, NEVER SEEN HER OUTSIDE OF WORK. THEY WOULD COMMUNICATE BY TELEPHONE AND TEXT MESSAGES. HE AND SHE SWORE THEY HAVE HAD NO SEXUAL ENCOUNTERS. BUT THE TEXTS SAID THINGS LIKE I LOVE YOU, MISS YOU AND DO NOT WANT TO HIDE ANYMORE. WHEN I CHECKED THE PHONE RECORDS I SAW HE SPOKE OR TEXTED HER ON MY ANNIVERSAY, MY B-DAY, CHRISTMAS AND EVEN THE DAY I WAS IN LABOR WITH MY YOUNGEST DAUGHTER. HE SWEARS THERE IS NOTHING I HAVE DONE AND HE IS TRULY HAPPY WITH ME. HE SAYS HE ONLY DID IT BECUASE SHE WAS GIVING HIM MONEY AND BUYING HIM THINGS. HIS FRIENDS AT WORK WHERE EGGING HIM ON SAYING IF HE DOE NOT KISS OR SLEEP WITH HER THEN IT IS NOT CHEATING. BUT TO ME IT IS AND THE THINGS HE HAS DONE HURT MORE THEN IF HE WOULD HAVE SLEPT WITH HER.
WELL, SO I WAS STRONG AND KICKED HIM OUT, HE SEES THE GIRLS EVERYDAY SO I HAVE TO SEE HIM, BUT I MISS HIM. I THINK OF OUR MARRIAGE AND IT WAS GOOD. WE DID NOT FIGHT, WE COULD TALK ABOUT ANYTHING AND OUR SEX LIFE WAS GREAT. THIS IS WHY I DO NOT UNDERSTAND. I FEEL I DO NOT DESERVE TO BE TREATED LIKE THIS, BUT I DO NOT WANT TO JUST GIVE UP THE MARRIAGE WE HAD. BUT I DO NOT KNOW IF IT WILL BE THE SAME. I WANT TO TRY ALSO FOR MY GIRLS BECAUSE RAISING THEM IN SEPARATE HOUSEHOLDS WILL CHANGE THEIR LIFE SO MUCH, AND IF IT IS NOT NECCESSARY THEN WHY DO IT.

MY EMOTIONS GO BACK AND FORTH ONE MINUTE I MISS HIM AND LOVE HIM THEN THE NEXT I HATE HIM AND THINK OF EVERYTHING HE HAS DONE. I HAVE ASKED MYSELF WHAT HAVE I DONE, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? IT IS CONFUSING THAT HE WOULD DO IT FOR MATERIAL THINGS BECUASE IN OUR MARRIAGE I MAKE THE MONEY, I MEAN HE WORKS, BUT I MAKE LIKE 3X HIM. IT HAS NEVER BEEN AN ISSUE BECUASE HE LIKES HIS JOB AND THAT WAS GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME. I NEVER THREW IN HIS FACE I MAD MORE, I THINK THAT IS WHY NOW THAT HE IS KICKED OUT PAYING HIS OWN STUFF HIS INCOME IS NOT COVERING IT. WHEN HE SAYS HE DID IT BECUASE SHE BOUGHT HIM A CAR STEREO IT INFURIATES ME BECUASE I BOUGHT HIM THE CAR. WHO KNOWS, I DON'T! JUST NEED ADVICE.

Welcome, and sorry you're here. First, read the Basic Concepts if you haven't. Then, you may want to post this on "Just Found Out" or General Questions II. These boards get a lot more traffic especially getting into a holiday weekend.

One ettiquette tip: Please don't use all caps. All caps is very hard to read and online it means you are shouting.

I also found out 1 month ago about my H's affair. I blame myself. I also found out through his cell phone records. She called him 45 times in 6 days. He works out of state and that's how many times she called him when he was home. I decided to try to make it work. I found out 5 days before my anniversary. You feel like those days are so special how could they do it. My H knows I check his phone records and told him the day before our anniv. that he should tell me if he talked to her so I wouldn't be crushed on our actual anniv. We have a lot of work to do. But it's never going to work if both of us doesn't want it to. I think that's the big question for you right now. Is the work worth it to him? My H said it was just supposed to be a one time thing but then developed feelings for her. Now I'm the one insecure feeling there is something wrong with me. I've came to the conclusion that I have to heal myself before our M can be. I don't want my kids to suffer because of his actions. They aren't aware of anything. We've never fought and they think we have the perfect marriage. My problem is I don't love him any less. I've love myself less. It doesn't matter if he didn't have a sexual affair because you know he had an emotional one.