I was asked by beiliver and Orchid to send out a note to all in the mess, they have both said we see the mess but we don;t see alot of the recovery when this are back on an even keel...

So this is to all who find themselves here I know you would have rather not hard to come here...

What ever happends, how ever it turns out... You are going to make it, no matter how black it seems today there is a dawn tommrow. You will survive this. With time you will heal, the pain will disapate and heck you will even live yet again.



DOn't percieve i am trivilizing this (I having been there twice now) I know the hurt and pain all to well, I know the betrail and feeling lost and all the rest.

I can also say (having survived this twice) and now 14 months post-meltdown is, I am ok, and in some ways even better... Finically I took a big hit and there is still work to do, but I will make it past that too.

I lost weight ~50lbs, Quite smoking, started exercising, and all in all I am taking much better care of Jim then prior to the meltdown.

I am making new start again, and that is good! The world didn't end, there are other fish in the sea, I am not unattractive undesirable or ant other Not. I am picky but dating.

All in all the world didn't stop. The ride was not fun, but learned a bit about Jim in the process and I think am a better Jim for it all. So It isn't all doom and gloom. I have recently decided I don;t need the anti-d anymore either.


So I can tell you with confidance you will be ok, you will make it. you won't always be in the SH*T...

Jim


p.s. I will meet the realtor next week and try to sell the home... If i can do this it woudl be cool this is the last remanat of marraige.

I didn't think I would ever understand what you just wrote, but I do.

I'm still in this, only Plan B and hoping for marital recovery.

But I have learned that with or without my M, one day I will heal and be able to use this experience to walk through much in life. And I owe that to G-d and people on here. And my own willingness to do the hard work to change.

Thank you for your words of hope. We need it alot of times.

Hi Jim!

I think our situations were pretty close. In a football analogy it was 4th and 77 from my own 4-yard line, 3 seconds left in the game, driving into a 45 mile per hour sleet storm, a hostile crowd throwing batteries and then I fumbled. I think the other team recovered the ball and returned it for a score but I can’t remember anything after the Goodyear blimp crashed onto the field and crushed me.

That sound familiar?

One year ago yesterday I was in court being told that my 26 year marriage would be terminated on June 13th 2007. I could not have been lower in my life.

But like you I have survived. My job is great, I got a high school girl’s basketball program to run, gone to plays, live jazz clubs, ball games, museums, built new gardens, redecorated the house and have even got on the dance floor without anyone being injured. And DD20 is my best friend.

It’s not what happens to us, but what we do for ourselves that define us.

Good luck to you always!

At least you didn't get drug by a runaway tarp, it could always be worse

well just listed the house for sale... the last strep to erasing 7 years of work... the right thing to do, but still hard just the same.

Jim

Jim

Mine is for sale as well. It is the last thing 3 years post him leaving that we shared together in name. I originally wanted to keep the home for the kids sake but then decided that "home" is where ever me and my kids are together. So, on the market it is and I pray it sells fast. We will have a fresh start somewhere else.

I would also say to new comers and even vets alike that you WILL survive no matter what happens. Not all marriages are saved nor should all marriages be saved. Don't hang onto a fantasy and don't allow yourself to be doormat while your ws continually rubs his muddy feet all over you.

My marriage did not make it nor should it have. He had multiple affairs and my children and I deserve better than that. It was about more than the fact that I wasn't happy. It had to do with the fact that IT IS UP TO ME AS MY KIDS PARENTS TO BE SURE THAT THEY LEARN WHAT IS ACCEPTABLE AND WHAT IS NOT. That is it not ok for daddy's to have "female friends" that he takes them to visit while still married, that daddy's aren't supposed to sleep on the couch for years on end, that daddy's are actually supposed to spend family time with mom and the kids, that good daddy's do spend time with their children and don't blow them off to go hang out with their buddies at the fire department.

It hurt like hell but I survived. My kids survived. We all got counseling and life is better now than ever. I have a great job and am almost done my bachelor's degree. My children, although still suffering a bit because of the things their father still does and having to be around OW are thriving. We call ourselves the 3 musketeers and we can survive anything together.

You are NOT a failure if the marriage does not work, your WS is.
It had less to do with you and everything to do with the moral character of your WS and their pathetic way of dealing with their own issues. REMEMBER THAT.

mlhb

Hi folks just checking in, 18 mo after the SHTF, 1 Yr post divorce...

My House still for still for sale, no leads yet but not in a hurry, I Have new roommate who is real good, so I am doing ok for now money wise, Working undoing the finiancal stress the marrage did, that will take a while but I am doing it.

Do ok emotionally Trying to keep busy. Have fun etc.

Want a Harly as soon as the money is back right, maybe next summer who can tell...

Jim