I feel sooooo used!

I hope you guys are joking. Your reponses were what helped her to see where this was headed.

Amazing.

you are an idiot for lying to us and for now believing your wife. In any case, hopefully you will disappear now.

Boogy:

You got EVERYBODY to jump into to help you for two days.

Just so you could leave the screen open for her to find it.

And now your shocked, SHOCKED! that we feel that WE have been abused.

Please go back to the Basic Concepts and read about Openess And Honesty.

No, your not required to give that to people on a chat board.

What scheme do you want us to implement next?

LG

What did I lie about? The fact that I was actually snooping? Big deal. Seeing what she saw helped her to come to her senses, own her sh*t and move forward so that we can go to counseling and move on.

Those of you acting so high and mighty make me a little confused. Would you do the same to save your marriage? I did what I had to do to make things happen, and I dare say that any of you would do the same.

My wife and I have to work back to trust now. I had dozens of emails between her and her friend talking about this whole thing. I know exactly what happened based upon those emails. I simply wanted her to come to me and be honest, which she did. I knew the whole story and had been following it for a year. Many many references within the email referred to the whole crush as being over. Time after time my wife wrote to her friend "I can't believe I've done this. It was such a small thing and I turned it into a huge issue." She wrote to her why she became drawn to this guy, about how she was suffering from a period of low self esteem because of a little weight gain.

I knew 99% of the story. I needed filler, which I received last night. My posting here enabled me to fill in those blanks. The input from all of you allowed her to see how all of this looked, how I was feeling and how it has affected me. I wanted her to read this. I wanted her to see how much damage and loss of trust this has all caused. Now we get to work back to where we were before all of this happened, and much of the cause of that are your posts showing her where our marriage was headed.

So my apologies to those of you who are offended by what I did. If I thought that I could help anyone's marriage with a simple heartfelt post, I'd do it a hundred times. I can't imagine why anyone would be upset by what I did at all. As I said before, I did what I had to do for my marriage and my son, and I would happily do it all over again. We're headed for counseling and repair, and that's good enough for me. The snooping will obviously continue for the good of the family, but hopefully not forever.

Again, my apologies to any of you who feel offended when I said I wouldn't snoop when I actually was. I don't get it, but I guess in a heightened emotional state, I wouldn't expect to understand all of anyone's reactions.

No, it wasn't just that you lied about the snooping. It was the lying in general. I actually cared about your situation and wanted to help and, yes, I do feel used.

You don't seem to get why we feel used. For the most part we trust people are telling the truth on here. Trust is a VERY big thing on MB for obvious reasons and to have it broken is a VERY big trigger for people here.

Guess you didn't read far enough about the policy of radical honesty.

Oh well, Wife put back in her place, at the expence of forums members who often choke down their own intense pain, so no one else has to suffer as we did.

WS, who choked down their pride and dignity, all so you would understand. And ther you stood, chuckling all the while in the background. What a great and devious plan I have going in the background.

Good luck to your wife.

All blessings,
Jerry

I didn't lie about anything else. Everything else was the truth. The only thing I said that wasn't accurate was the part about me snooping. I don't get why everyone has their panties all in a wad about this. Its stupid.

Whatever. I don't really care. My wife and I get to go to counseling and get past this. My marriage, while far from perfect and with some kinks still in it, is well on its way to being saved. Many of you helped with that, and you have my thanks. If you can't see that and be happy and insist on focusing on strictly the negative, then perhaps some of you should take stock in that and reevaluate things for yourself. You all still have my thanks.

BOOGSTER,

OK, apology accepted, by me anyway.

Because of your "I guess in a heightened emotional state", which is always the excuse we see.

Nice to know you're not a complete BONEHEAD by not snooping because of whatever stupid reason you argued.

Hope that's the/her/your final answer and the relationship is on the mend.

If that's what your GUT is telling you.

byby.

Actually it's more like we have your smirks, for playing you're fool.

I once agin emphasize, good luck to your wife.

All blessings,
Jerry

I liked him better when I thought he was a bonehead.

Sorry Boogy - the betrayed spouse fog-self-deluded hopium B.S. meter is crescendoing to a higher altitude and amplitude.

You are deluded if you think you are anywhere near recovery. Emotional affairs or physical affairs take time to recover. You are not some exception to the rule.

You used people here to deliver a message to your wife. And in the process gave away your one resource to get anonymous help with her going through withdrawal if she does that - chances are, she's now going to be able to monitor what you know and what you don't. And you have alienated the support group that could help you through it.

Good luck buddy - you scr*w'd yourself more than you can possibly know - but you are very likely (sadly) to find out.

Boogy,
One reason many of the posters since your big revelation are upset is because you have now shown yourself to be deceitful and hypocritical, but at their expense. You come here and make a big ado about honor and honesty, but apparently lack those qualities yourself.
If you knew 99% of the truth of your wife's crush, then why not just confront her like a man, instead of this convoluted game of deception? The whole point of this was so that you could deceive your wife and manipulate her into being honest with you, while portraying yourself in a very specific (and untruthful) light.

I hope you don't for one second think that your wife is the only one who has failed to live up to their vows here. You have just as much to apologize for as she does. You better hope that she doesn't come back and read this thread again.

You're welcome, Boogy.

And I understand completely. I was ready to do anything to save our M, too. Anything short of murder!!

Charlotte

LOL.. She has you fooled big time. I hope you enjoy ****edit****

I sincerely hope yu keep your eyes ope...because it will be your wife playing you for the fool if you don't pay VERY close attention.

Do you feel like you just watched a 30 minute episode of the Brady Bunch?

Boogy, I didn't address your issues last evening, I did however feel your pain and anguish, and I did pray that your marriage would be restored. I hope you don't have the same result I had. My FWH took up an email correspondence with an old HS galpal with whom hea had had benefits. I busted them on it and she tried to make me look small and obsessive because all she wanted was to be "friends" with my H. Fast forward 2 yrs. They pulled a slick willy on me, they were true to their word about not emailing, but they had taken up the phone. I was bring treated like gum on the bottom of his shoe at home and didn't know why.

Then we got new cellphones and I signed up for online billing and the idiots didn't know I could go back 6 months on them....a wealth of info. And the only reason I signed up was to get my minutes online since I started getting free weekend minutes and they were lumped together on the phone count if you called to check. So it didn't take long for me to see her calling him like she was his wife or something........I wasn't even calling him like she did.....just be vigilant..now she thinks she's a hot mama...2 men wrestling for her attention......trust cautiously but always verify. My marriage is recovered but it took 2 yrs due to the deceit...the loss of innocence in our marriage, the hatred I felt for HER. It became a real religious issue for me. I did not know I had that kind of hate in me.

Now I deal with that feeling and am trying to release it. I may refer to her in unsavory terms....but she asked for it when SHE lied to me too. Make no mistake, My H has paid dearly as well. Without his cooperation, none of this would have happened. GF

Definitly coach's brother.

Boogy, did you get this? People post here, not because it's fun (it isn't) but to help others who are in PAIN.

Had you been honest with us, we still could have helped, probably even more. But now you think that you're headed to reconciliation based on ONE conversation with your WS. It doesn't work like that. There's a whole lot more to be done.

You'll see.