If you expose there will be some unpleasentness, but do it anyway.
I was reluctant for a long time but it was exposure the broke up my WH's affair.
The financial repercusions are his consequences to cope with.
You need to expose. Expose to any and all who may help, no matter how little.
Hopefulwife......
Expose.

Won't this pull him farther apart from me if I do that? Won't that tell him he can't trust me.

I also wrote him this letter:

I should have never let you go because I know I can't without at least trying. I didn't get a vote in your decision. The kids never got a vote in your decision. You made life altering decisiopns for everyone when you didn't have that right. It wasn't up to you to decide when I stop loving you, when I stop trying to work for this marriage. I know you are thinking that this is a poor excuse of a marriage and not worth fighting over but you can you fight for something, anything if there is a smidgon of hope left can you fight for us. I need you to get help, obtain guidance, learn to see things differently and after all this after a year of trying I will even settle for 6 months or 2 months just something to say we tried together. I will work on getting help for my past which I had just started to work on really hard when you dropped this bombshell on me and I had to start working on dealing with divorce and my life falling apart, I will obtain guidance from anyone who will listen, I will learn to see things differently, I will stop being so dependent on you. I have gotten a job in order to be able to stand more on my won feet. I know it isn't much money wise but it is something. I am going to back to school and start working in my dream field and then advance my degree from there. And if we both work on our marriage together and it still doesn't work I promise I will let you go and I will be more accepting of this all because I know we will have given our 100% at the same time rather than you giving 100% and me not giving all or me giving my 100% and you not giving all I want us both to take an active roll together to save our marriage just as you have taken an active roll in trying to destroy it. I know you say our marriage has nothing left to fight for but we were both happy at one time both of us were we can get back to that time. You having this OW in your life is like a slap in the face to me and you may end up with her in the end after all this is said and done but right now I am sking you to let us work on our marriage. I am asking you to let us work on us. Let us both say we gave it our all TOGETHER not seperately. We are still married for a year after our seperation to give us time to make sure this divorce is what we both want. And I will let you go if that is what you want I promis but first lets try. I have hope. God put us together for a reason and I think it was more than to bless us with 4 beautiful children. Look at all we have been through together. Life isn't easy but no life is ever long. If I our our marriage EVER meant anything to you at all will you give it a shot. It may be a shot in the dark but at least th en I can let you go as a friend and not have to say WHAT IF. Because either without you or with you I still never will stop believing in marriage being a lifelong commitment. I will still hold our vows to be true until the day I die.

Honey, him trusting YOU is not the issue here.
HE has violated your trust. Now I know you want him back, and thats a good thing, but going off half cocked is not good. I know, I was were you are six months ago.
Learn plan A, use the tools of the carrot and the stick. Do not write anymore letters to him like that without posting them here for the MBers to look at. read up on love busters (LB) and emotional needs (EN)
Expose.
Anything else that falls outside Dr Harley's plans is called plan C for confusion and will ultimatly work against you.
If you want to restore your marriage you need to follow the plans.
Are you willing to listen and learn from the other marriage builders???

Hi hopefulwife,

I am glad to see you. Thank you for checking in. I have been thinking about you and wondering how you were doing.

Let me get this straight: He "promised you" you could have the kids? What...is this something he has threatened you about, that he would "take" them?

This is a man who has abandoned FOUR children and his wife for an affair. Judges don't take kindly to this.

I suggest you start to document everything, if you haven't already. What about an attorney? You should consult with one so you will know what you need to do to protect your family.

And YES, talk to his CO!! Expose his affair! There are several military here who can give you good advice on this.