The random thought will creep back in when least expected. A perfect example of this is that right now I am triggering just from reading your post. WW and OM tried to sneak out of town for a night...I caught them via internet banking (WW purchasing $40.00 worth of booze at a liquor store, when she said she was going for a drive "by herself"). The reason I was triggered by your post was the place that they went was...yep, you guessed it...hot springs.

OgleCPA,

Have you read His needs her needs? You really need to study many of the Marriage Builders concepts. Perhaps you and your WW could invest in one of Dr Harley’s marriage building seminars. It would probably be some of the best money you and your WW could ever invest.

Real life and day to day living, having children, paying bills, keeping up a place to live, sharing in failures as well as success. This is real life not some fairy tale of Cinderella.

I don’t intend to pounce on you, but you seem to be missing the point. Your wife had an affair on you "Mr. perfect” Why?

Your wife own's 100% of the fault for having an affair. Affair are very selfish and immature actions usually regarding unmet emotional needs. You OgleCPA are responsible for 50% of the condition of the marriage before the affair. Does that make since? What is it that your marriage was missing that might have contributed to making an A possible? It could be just very weak boundaries. You tell me, what do you really think the affair was about?

Merlin2

OgleCPA,

Don’t know how I missed the age. I don’t have children your age mine are 22 & 23. I think my advice still applies. Sorry about that!!!

OgleCPA, I am just a stranger on the other side of a keyboard, and certainly not an expert. So take what I say based upon those facts.

I re-read your post. I think you understand what the problem may have been in your marriage. You talk about "you" and how many "things" you have provided for your WW i.e. BMW but in the end she was drawn to someone who paid attention to "her", someone that would listen to "her" and was interested in "her".

OgleCPA, perhaps it is just the pain you are feeling that I am hearing and if that is the case I can understand needing to feel good about ones self. But your story comes across as someone very self absorbed and worldly. Perhaps you can explain?

Merlin2

Ogle:

You may be in the same Biz as me. April 15th is always a relief for me.

If so, Merlin is right.

Everything so far in your M, has been about "you" not Mrs Ogle.

Your Fit.
Your Doing Well at the Office.
Your Buying her things.
Your Handsome.
You don't need Viagra.
She was everything she needs, WHY does she need OM?

Because she really doesn't have you.

All of your EN's were being met.

But WW was missing some of hers. And I would imagine that Conversation and Family Committment was being missed for her.

What do you think her top three EN's are?

Have you read His Needs, Her Needs? How about Surviving an Affair? You need to read them both. And take them to heart.

And institute the changes needed in you to allow your WW to feel that she is PART of this M.

This ain't an excel spreadsheet, it's alot more difficult than that.

LG

Onenastyday,

Sorry you are in this situation in belonging to the club no one ever wanted to be a member of. You may want to start your own thread so we can keep your info all together. I would suggest the GQ II section; it has many more veteran posters that can add valuable help. If you need help just ask one of the moderators.

Best wishes

Merlin2

onenastyday,
You can never trust WW and OM to tell the truth.

I would tell WW for peace of mind you need do a DNA test when the child is born.

I agree with TheRoad. Your WW does not have an honest personality and cannot be trusted. You need to get a DNA test before you end up finding out the child isn't yours...on the Jerry Springer Show. Sorry dude, but you have every reason to get the test done.

I said, I had all the other bases covered:

Your Fit.
Your Doing Well at the Office.
Your Buying her things.
Your Handsome.
You don't need Viagra.
She was everything she needs, WHY does she need OM?

She needed the OM to fill the ONE VERY IMPORTANT VOID i left and that was meeting her emotional needs. I started doing that in haste 9 mo. ago but the mess had already started. Once it was over, she was like HOLY SH*&! Thats why i'm trying to explain the 2 year rule COULD be bogus in optimal(if there is any) scenarios like mine. She has her dream hubby now and is HAPPY AS A LARK, like she always wanted. I HAVE TO STAY ON TOP OF EN, and I know that! My only problem is getting passed the thoughts, and I was thinking in our situation 6 mo might suffice because there was no fog, the sex was lame as h&((, but I don't know, I can only hope!! Once I passed it we're AWESOME! Maybe never like the early years, but still AWESOME!

I very much hope that you are right and can get past this as fast as possible. Your story is very similar to mine and I feel for you. Although one difference in your story is that you say the "sex was lame". My WW said the same thing when she was fabricating that she only had sex with OM once. After I found out it was multiple times, the "lame sex" thing is nothing but a lie...it's obvious. I wouldn't keep having sex with a woman if the sex was lame.....would you?

Not trying to make things harder for you or ruin your confidence, but YOU seem like YOU are a little foggy right now. Just hope you can start to see the light a little better, and realize that even though your WW seems sincere...she's a liar and a cheat, and you need to open your eyes a bit. With all due respect...from another BH.