Ok I am a very bad typer so please bare with me.
I was in a relationship with a girl for 8 years, we started dating when she was 20 and I was 21. We were very good friends before we dated and one day she started showing feelings for me beyond friends( I loved her very much at this time). We started dating and within 2 months she got pregnent. Now I always felt she stay because of the child and we stayed together and had 2 more. Our relationship was great for FRIENDS! but not so good for a couple, we would have sex maybe twice a year, she never was into it, we never held hands, never cuddled, NOTHING!. There was no fighting and no cheating by either of us, it was like 2 great friends raising a family(I WANTED MORE). On our 8th year she started changing, bought new clothes, lost some weight, got a boob job, and started a new posistion in her company at the request of her boss of 5 years that liked her(I mean LIKED LIKED her) didnt know at the time. Anywho, I come home from work one day and she tells me the great words of I love u, but not in love with you and that we should take a break for 6 months, I agreed because I just wanted to make it work. Within 2 months she is dating her Boss that liked her and Im hurt. Now in that time I knew we just werent ment to be a couple anyway, I wanted a Wife who wanted me to touch and cuddle and wanted me in a sexual way as much as the rest of what couples do. Fast forward 1 year 4 months later and I am engaged to the woman of my dreams! now she isnt a rebound because after my ex I stayed single for about 4 months then tested the waters a bit, went through a few nice girls and felt nothing for them, but BAM one day I went my wife to be and she is all I ever wanted in a girl and I know now what a REAL couple should be. now my issue I have 3 boys 9 and under and she has a little girl that is 5, we have dated 9 months and are getting married in another 6 months. The kids get alone great and I talk to them all the time on how are you felling, if anything bothers them they tell me and I ask them questions on their feeling all the time. Is it to soon to be getting married? I have never been sure about something so much but my ex keeps telling me Im crazy and so at time I think "am I crazy"?

I will resond to any question you may have.

Thank you

First, you are in the wrong place. You need to be posting this in the "Infidelity" section, as your wife is having an affair. The people over there know ALL about fixing your marriage.

Second, the one thing they will tell you is that you have to FIGHT for your marriage. Your wife IS NOT herself right now. If you read the threads there, you'll see that when someone falls under the spell of an affair, they turn into an 'alien' in your spouse's body. If you can get them out of the affair, and back with your family, it will eventually wear off and she'll start becoming her own self again. If it works, a year from now she will be appalled at what she is doing right now.

The first step in stopping the affair, fighting for the marriage, is to EXPOSE the affair to anyone who can stop it. In your case, it would include her BOSS'S BOSS! Find out who that is, and visit or call him/her. Also expose to her family, his family, and your friends. And church, if necessary. She will be furious, will say she hates you, but if you carry through, and she gets away from that disease (the Other Man, or OM), she'll eventually thank you for rescuing her. This is not a guarantee, but it IS a well-tested, time-proven method for getting your marriage back.

But repost over on Infidelity. And weekends are pretty slow (everyone's busy), so don't expect much traffic til Monday.

Unless I missed something, I don't think he has ever been married to the mother of his children. It doesn't appear there's a marriage to save. Am I right?

I'm sorry, but what difference does that make when there are 3 children involved? Any relationship involving 3 children can/should be considered worth saving, no matter what the legalistics involved. The children's well-being are now the most important consideration. They don't think about paperwork or legalities - they only know father or no father.

Never was married, she never really wanted to, and no there was NO chance of saving anything because to tell the truth there was nothing to save. We never had that couple spark and there was ZERO touchy feely stuff. I was never able to prove if they had a affair, I do think at least they had a EA but that I can never prove. I dont want her back because it would be the same thing over again and I dont want that, if somebody doesnt want to change then there can be no change. I get the kids all the time, we have no court order on anything and still raise the kids as parents. I get the kids 3 or more times a week and I never get told I cant see them, have them or talk to them. I wasnt really that crushed over the breakup because in my heart I knew that she never really felt deep feelings for me and I stayed for the kids and hoping it may get better. But I have now found a great girl who I love and treats me and my kids great but I was wondering to early to get married?

Ok. IMO, there are two opinions I could have here. One is that you need to grow up and stop being selfish and get back together for YOUR KIDS' SAKE. If you're not willing to do the hard work, you shouldn't have been immature enough to have 3 kids. Now, you need to stop working on your OWN self interests, and do what's best for your children. In most cases - no matter what your kids tell you - it involves the parents staying together and teaching your kids they're loved and can accomplish anything.

Second one is that I don't see anything in your story that says you went to counseling to find out WHY your relationship fell apart. If you haven't done the hard work to figure out why, what makes you think you won't repeat the same mistakes again? And with possibly even more kids suffering for your need for companionship?

I'm sorry if that's not what you want to hear, but it's what I see. Fix your own problems before you bring another woman into your situation.

niceguy, what do your friends and family think of your new girlfriend? A year is not necessarily too soon, but it really depends on the two of you ... how mature you both are, how much each of you change after the "honeymoon" period is over, etc. Your ex probably isn't the best person to advise you on this since she might not be objective. She may even feel a little jealous that you have already found someone new. So who else in your life do you know who has a good head on their shoulders? See what they say.