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Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 2
Junior Member
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OP
Junior Member
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 2 |
My husband was out of town, drank too much in a club and kissed someone else. He says that is where it ended - he knew it was wrong. We are seeing a M. counsellor and it has helped. Someone suggested to me that kissing is not really cheating. Thoughts??
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Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 604
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Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 604 |
If a man kisses his mother or a woman kisses her sister, I wouldn't call that cheating. But your husband kissed a woman in a club while he was out of town. Yes, that's cheating. He's cheating you out of affection. Essentially, if it's something he wouldn't feel comfortable doing in front of you, it's cheating. There's a good article on this site called What is an Affair? that I think is relevant. It's not really up to the offending spouse (or 'someone' else) to define what it is or isn't. It's up to the offended spouse. Your feelings on the matter are valid.
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Joined: Jun 2002
Posts: 1,717
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Joined: Jun 2002
Posts: 1,717 |
Someone suggested to me that kissing is not really cheating. Did this person's name happen to be Bill? There's your answer.
ba109
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Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 720
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Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 720 |
A long time ago I heard someone on this board say 'if you cannot do it in front of your spouse, it's cheating'. I agree totally with that statement. Did he simply confess to you? He came home from a meeting and said "guess what I did?". I suppose he should get some credit for coming clean...
In your gut, what do you think? If your best friends' husband did this to her, what would you tell her?
Me 44, H 42, DS 16, DS 13
H/EA 4/07, D Day 10/17/07..
500th d-day 10/14/08...
NO RAIN...NO RAINBOWS!
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Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 14
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Junior Member
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 14 |
I like the if you cant do it in front of your spouse thing - its not in the action as it is in the intention and how he conceive this act. And from what you are writing i think he know he cheated on you.
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Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 10,044
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Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 10,044 |
I would NOT assume he is telling the truth about it stopping at that level of cheating.
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Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 3,093
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Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 3,093 |
I would be very worried about how much he traveled, how often he got drunk when he traveled, and how often he "kissed" other women when he got drunk when he traveled.
My mind goes this way:
He went further than kissing. He has done this with other women. How far has he gone with her that he isn't telling me, how many other women has he done this with, and
HOW LONG HAS THIS BEEN GOING ON??????
SB
Lucky to be where I am, in a safe place to get marriage-related support.
Recovered.
Happy.
Most recent D-day Fall 2005
Our new marriage began that day. Not easily, but it did happen.
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Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 82
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Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 82 |
Does your husband do this often? My grandmother always had a good way of looking at things she said "If you wouldn't do it in front of your wife or kids you shouldn't be doing it." Pretty sound advice.
BH-51
FWW-39
6 month EA
4 fantastic kids.
Happily Recovered
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Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 1
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 1 |
Hello there!
Id say the answer is yes.......Why would a married man be in a place behaving in such a manor? Bars are not for married men/women traveling alone much less drinking.
Allowing themselves to be in that predicaments is what leads to trouble and trouble isn't hard to find. Believe me. Sometimes its innocent, that is between you all to decide.
Did he tell you this of his own free will or was he busted? Kudos for him if he did it honestly. Best of luck and God bless you
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