Tattoo this on your eyelids!!!!

LOL...it's easy for him to remember that I don't have to be perfect. It's just hard for ME to remember. Maybe you're on to something with the tattoo idea! While we're at it, I'm going to have H tattoo "I love my wife and will not stray" on the inside of his.

ROFLMBO....

Sign my DH up!!!!!!

It must be a sign of getting better when we can find humor in our current circumstances...right? We're not just sick?

Sorry for the minor TJ Fiori...I'm sure you'd join in the tattoo club too.

thanks...you're a peach
Sorry about the phone...you just disappeared. I could hear every third word so I did not want you to think I hung up!
We'll chat tomorrow.

My H does not wear a wedding ring and never has. This has always been a bugger for me but I've tried to let it go. He will often ask where mine is if I forget to put it on after cleaning or doing dishes. So, I often joke that I'm going to sign him up to have one tatoo'd on his finger Pamela Anderson style!

For anyone out there who cares....
I HATE MY HUSBAND'S JOB!!!!!

Have a good weekend all!

What happened?

Nothing, really. It's just that both our boys are out for most of the evening. We have the opportunity to spend some good quality time together and he's stuck at work fixing some crazy problem that seemingly came about at 4:00. Of course, his boss is off to the shore for the weekend and I'm home alone. It's kind of lonely. My two best girlfriends moved 1/2 hour away and to me Friday night is a family time. Soooo, here I am...headed out to watch the hummingbird and water our plants.
On a good note, he's moving to the other building on Monday. The OW is NOT!!!! She'll be remaining where their offices currently are. So, now there will be a city street of space! It's not quite a new job yet, but it's a good beginning.
I'm really ok, just a little sad and not wanting to be alone.

Awww...I understand how that can feel.

Enjoy the rest of your weekend.

I just have a brief question.
Because my circumstances are complicated (ow still works at same company but now in seperated buildings) is it ok that I occassionally feel the need to remind H of the 'rules' of engagement? Things are so much better, but I believe the longer the time is the more likely they are of at least engaging in casual conversation. Now, with him in the other building, visuals seem non-existent, but how can you be sure? All I have to go on is him and he's acting very sure. But, hey....I would have never thought I'd be here! Sometimes I feel the need to give a refresher course on exactly what NC means. He's so evasive sometimes that I believe this is probably necessary...But, how frequent? He is still searching for a new job, but this is a crappy economy to be doing that!
Thanks, for anyone who may be able to offer some support.

If you trust that there is truly no contact and trust that you two are in recovery, I suggest using policy of joint agreement about this situation.

You could preface it by describing your feelings of panic that you sometimes get. Then just ask him if he has any ideas of how he can assure you that no contact for life is being maintained, given that they still work for the same company. Maybe the two of you together can work out a plan where you feel safe.

My plan is that she moves to Alaska...do you think that's fair?

Not really--I like Alaska too much for that to seem fair to me.

Oh fine....then a remote deserted island where it is inhabited by man eating kimodo dragons! Really, I'll supply her with a really good pair of running shoes. I don't wish her any ill will so I'll provide the proper shoes for running away!

seriously though....is there a time when a small refresher course is required or do you simply use LIFE as your teacher?

I think you have every right to keep this "fresh" on his mind. I like lake's approach though because it's the POJA and therefore there is buy in from him as well. Rather than it eventually feeling like you might be "nagging".

But I wouldn't want to be in your situation with her in the same company and I TOTALLY get where you are coming from. So try what lake suggested and let him have a say in how it should look as well and then do a regular "check-in" on how you guy are doing.

Sounds more positive that way.

Last night my anger at H sort of got away with me because of a very ridiculous situation. We are in the process of a kitchen renovation. Anyone who has gone through this realizes what a stress this can put on a household. Fortunately we are in a position where my H is very handy and has done 85% of the work himself. But, the trade off is that it takes over a year.
So, last night I needed to make a dessert for the 4th celebration. Our old oven has been acting up and requires special attention when turning it on. It's sort of rigged right now, which annoys me to no end. But, I understand that having it repaired is a waste of $ as the new cabinets will be installed within a week. So, there will be new appliances. Anyway, H takes out the bottom of the oven, gets out his trusty little mirror so he can see under the heating element and begins filling the oven with gas so he can light the element. It takes about 5 minutes and then it begins heating! No problem...He then takes the kids out to Best Buy while I bake a blueberry buckle. Long story short...I put in the cake and head upstairs for a quick bubble bath. I notice a very strong odor of gas wafting upstairs from the outside. So, wrapped in a towell I go downstairs only to be accosted by the scent of gas! I call H and explain the dilemma. NO big deal...it's fine...just turn off the oven...
Ok, are you (H) missing the fact that I've got $11 worth of blueberries in a cake I'm making for you? Here's the problem...where was the concern? Where was the nurturing? Where was the love? He wasn't mean, he wasn't rude. But, I never felt 'cared for'. IT's hard to put it into words. I've always thought that H treated me like I could do anything and I really did not need him. I've always felt like no matter who he had to choose from, he'd always defer to someone elses feelings over mine. He's always felt I was so strong and could take care of myself. That became evident during his EA. He witnessed me crying in a fetal position and losing weight hand over fist and he still nurtured OW because she was hurting and he felt 'responsible'. Anyway, a simple oven experience became about how I was NOT treated by H for the past year. Hmmm...the oven as a trigger. I'm finding them everywhere. He's funny, too, how he turns it around on me. "why do you want to be with me if I'm that bad of a person...it's scary that you keep telling me what needs of yours I'm not meeting..." Basically, for the entire time he entertained OW, he was telling me where my supposed short comings were. You know...the 'connection', the great 'conversation'...two words no one in my house is allowed to use!
Well, I feel better now. It's the 4th and my kids and I love this holiday. We will go to parades, light fireworks and have fun. As a family we've always loved this and I'm not going to let my overactive brain ruin it for all. So, I decided to dump here so I could move on for the rest of our weekend. It's funny...H does not even know what hits him sometimes. I really feel a bit 'off' from time to time.

In order to do RECOVERY, you will have to FORGIVE and STAY OUT OF THE PAST. FOCUS on the POSITIVE and the PRESENT....

Make NEW, UNFORGETTABLE MEMORIES for THIS FOURTH OF JULY!!

He's home with you. He TRIED to fix the stove for YOU. He was out with YOUR KIDS. He will be there with YOU today...You are working on a beautiful kitchen renovation TOGETHER...

It is KEY not to compare YOUR RELATIONSHIP with HIM to his RELATIONSHIP with the OTHER WOMAN. You don't know what their relationship was REALLY LIKE and you do not want your relationship to be IN ANY WAY the same.

YOU ARE HIS WIFE. SHE WAS AND IS A HO...NO COMPARISON WHATSOEVER...He CHOSE to be with you FOR LIFE...

Glad you dumped here. You saw what kind of trouble my "overactive" brain got me into.

I read in Eckhart Tolle's book (that same Sunday night) that we have a pain body and that pain body comes out for nourishment. I'm probably not saying it right, but when we allow the negative thoughts to be there, we are feeding this pain body. I'm going to buy the book that I sat skimming through at B&N that night when I was distraught and then maybe I can better describe it.

Mimi posts a good model though for dealing with the here and now. Maybe you can print that part and post it up somewhere.

THIS IS YOUR LIFE!!! AND HE IS IN IT!!!

Don't let those bad thoughts take over....