I HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR 6 YEARS AND HAVE TWO BEAUTIFUL GIRLS, A 3 YEAR OLD AND A 5 MONTH OLD. WELL ABOUT A MONTH AGO I FOUND TEXT MESSAGES ON MY HUSBANDS PHONE, CONFRONTED HIM AND FOUND OUT HE HAS BEEN CHEATING. ABOUT A WEEK LATER I CHECKED CELL PHONE RECORDS AND FOUND IT HAS BEEN FOR 9 MONTHS, SINCE I WAS 4 MONTHS PREGNANT. HE MET THE LADY AT HIS WORK, NEVER SEEN HER OUTSIDE OF WORK. THEY WOULD COMMUNICATE BY TELEPHONE AND TEXT MESSAGES. HE AND SHE SWORE THEY HAVE HAD NO SEXUAL ENCOUNTERS. BUT THE TEXTS SAID THINGS LIKE I LOVE YOU, MISS YOU AND DO NOT WANT TO HIDE ANYMORE. WHEN I CHECKED THE PHONE RECORDS I SAW HE SPOKE OR TEXTED HER ON MY ANNIVERSAY, MY B-DAY, CHRISTMAS AND EVEN THE DAY I WAS IN LABOR WITH MY YOUNGEST DAUGHTER. HE SWEARS THERE IS NOTHING I HAVE DONE AND HE IS TRULY HAPPY WITH ME. HE SAYS HE ONLY DID IT BECUASE SHE WAS GIVING HIM MONEY AND BUYING HIM THINGS. HIS FRIENDS AT WORK WHERE EGGING HIM ON SAYING IF HE DOE NOT KISS OR SLEEP WITH HER THEN IT IS NOT CHEATING. BUT TO ME IT IS AND THE THINGS HE HAS DONE HURT MORE THEN IF HE WOULD HAVE SLEPT WITH HER.
WELL, SO I WAS STRONG AND KICKED HIM OUT, HE SEES THE GIRLS EVERYDAY SO I HAVE TO SEE HIM, BUT I MISS HIM. I THINK OF OUR MARRIAGE AND IT WAS GOOD. WE DID NOT FIGHT, WE COULD TALK ABOUT ANYTHING AND OUR SEX LIFE WAS GREAT. THIS IS WHY I DO NOT UNDERSTAND. I FEEL I DO NOT DESERVE TO BE TREATED LIKE THIS, BUT I DO NOT WANT TO JUST GIVE UP THE MARRIAGE WE HAD. BUT I DO NOT KNOW IF IT WILL BE THE SAME. I WANT TO TRY ALSO FOR MY GIRLS BECAUSE RAISING THEM IN SEPARATE HOUSEHOLDS WILL CHANGE THEIR LIFE SO MUCH, AND IF IT IS NOT NECCESSARY THEN WHY DO IT.

MY EMOTIONS GO BACK AND FORTH ONE MINUTE I MISS HIM AND LOVE HIM THEN THE NEXT I HATE HIM AND THINK OF EVERYTHING HE HAS DONE. I HAVE ASKED MYSELF WHAT HAVE I DONE, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? IT IS CONFUSING THAT HE WOULD DO IT FOR MATERIAL THINGS BECUASE IN OUR MARRIAGE I MAKE THE MONEY, I MEAN HE WORKS, BUT I MAKE LIKE 3X HIM. IT HAS NEVER BEEN AN ISSUE BECUASE HE LIKES HIS JOB AND THAT WAS GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME. I NEVER THREW IN HIS FACE I MAD MORE, I THINK THAT IS WHY NOW THAT HE IS KICKED OUT PAYING HIS OWN STUFF HIS INCOME IS NOT COVERING IT. WHEN HE SAYS HE DID IT BECUASE SHE BOUGHT HIM A CAR STEREO IT INFURIATES ME BECUASE I BOUGHT HIM THE CAR. WHO KNOWS, I DON'T! JUST NEED ADVICE.

Welcome to marriagebuilders. It is a good place to be under the circumstances.

There is a good book you can get here, called "Buyers, Renters, and Freeloaders", or maybe it has been changed to "The One". It explains about the different types of spouses. It kind of sounds like your hubby is a renter - he will stick around as long as things are going well, but is unwilling to really invest in the marriage. In fact, like a person that rents a house, he is open to other possibilities.

If they still work together, he will need to change jobs. It is IMPOSSIBLE to recover if contact continues.

Is he willing to have no contact with her, and write her a no contact letter? It should say that he made a huge mistake, loves you and wants his family and will have no contact with her FOREVER. Then you should read and approve it.

And you need to prepare yourself for the possibility that it probably WAS a physical affair.

Well, as I read, I see a couple of things in your "favor" - if indeed anything can be in the scenario you're in....

One, he is not blaming you for his actions.

Two, you seem to have had a good marriage prior the the affair.

When affairs happen, men tend to see sex and physical activity as the "biggie".... where women tend to view the emotional side as the "biggie"...the relationship side. So, it is at least conceivable that your husband is telling the truth that he was not convicted that what he was doing was wrong. And, if those co-workers advising him were men? I can see that adding to his confusion. And he may not have realized how this would hurt you more than if he simply went somewhere and banged a prostitute.

I think your marriage is worth a chance. And I'm not usually one to be big on reconciliation. But, to me, I think this one is worth it.... to have your family together.

For sure, he does have to "get it" and show you that he does....that he has hurt you immeasurably by this and he must indeed have no contact to this woman ever again.