Hello, I am looking for advice on what to do.

My boyfriend and I have never married but have been together for 20+ years.

In October of 1999 he had an A. This lasted over a year. I moved out May 2000, then moved back in Mar 2001. The A was over but we never resolved any issues, we carried on as nothing happen. He was unsure if he wanted to build a life with me so we ended up splitting assets/money and going our separate ways May 2002.

May 2002 I moved 500 miles back to my home town to run the family farm. Somehow Xboyfriend made it back into my life. He brought horses and cattle to the farm which I took care of. He still lives the 500 miles from here. He would travel back and forth about once every 6 weeks.

I believed we were a couple again. Once in awhile I felt that he had been seeing someone else and I would ask him about it, but he always denied it. I would then feel back because I thought, if I have to ask all the time, I am not building any trust.

For the next 4 years he got progressive verbally abusive. Me being the stupid person took all the abuse.

May 2007 he tells me he got someone pregnant. I find out later, he has been leading a double life for the last 5 years. He has had girlfriends (some relationships lasting over a year) while still seeing me. These other girls had no idea about me and I had no idea about them. So really who is the other women, me or them? He tells me we weren't a couple that he was only coming here to "help" me with the cattle and farming.

Since he told me about the women and baby, he had not been abusive toward me. He has been really nice, meeting my needs, sharing, concerned about me, hasn't called me names, or yelled at me, etc. A total 180 from what he was 4 years ago. He tells me I am the one he loves, I am his soul mate blah blah blah.

He is living with this woman and their baby. The baby was born Jan 2008.

I informed him late 2007 we need to cut all ties with each other, he needs to move his cattle and horse out of here and be on his merry way. He continues to tell me "I am the one he loves".

Everytime I try to talk to him about making arrangements to remove his livestock he ignores those question or will not discuss it with me.

I have just found this website about a week ago. I am reading about plan B which I have sort of implemented before I heard about plan B.

I have also ordered a number of books from this site.

Anyway, I just hoped someone could give me some insight as to his 180 turn in his abusive ways. With all the lies and deceit he has shown me, I don't think there is a point in trying to save this relationship. He has never said he wanted to commit to me. He thinks things should just carry on as they did before. I am not for that.

Dear Inna,

I think you can guess what most of us will advise, you need to kick this player to the curb.

He has shown you his lack of integrity and character several times over. He doesn't respect you or else he would have been honest with you from the start. He's done nothing but string you along and lie to you to keep you meeting a sub-set of his needs while other woman meet the remainder.

In short, he's a cad.

You desever better, Inna. He is not good enough for you. Just thank your lucky stars you never married or had children with this poor-excuse-of-a-man. You're a free agent and owe him nothing, nada, zero, zilch. He has already waisted 20+ years of your life.

Pack up all his belongings, including his farm animals, and say ADIOS for good this time.

Good luck to you. God has better plans for you honey.

Jo

Inna40, that BF(?) of yours is literally stealing your life from you while he's getting his needs met, and the only person who can put an end to that is you. Time to establish and protect your personal boundaries, and get him out of your life completely. Talk to a lawyer about getting those horses and cattle of his removed, if he's not willing to talk to you directly about them.

And good luck.

Throw the bum out.

Of your life.

You are worth more than this garbage.

Thank you for your replies.

I know this needs to end. Why is it still so hard to let go?