Okay, my WH is now living at home with me again and our sex life has improved, but I have discovered that he now has an online subscription to playboy. This makes me uncomfortable because one of the reasons cited for the affair was lack of physical attraction to me anymore. I found out about this by snooping in his e-mail account (trying to make sure there really is NC with OW). I know I need to lose more weight, but folks I have lost 35 pounds, I am now in size 10 an weight 154 pounds. I am doing Weight Watchers (although I cheat often), and I am trying to get in exercise. I have also bought a bunch of new clothes. He signed up for this at a time that I had kicked him out of the house and we were contemplating divorce again. Is this just typical male behavior or should I be extremely worried that my WH is fantisizing about someone other than me when we are making out? I don't want to raise red flags where there may not be any, I have enough to worry about already. Obviously, I cannot compete with a playboy bunny for his interest.....

If you want to know more about my story, go to the divorce forum and look up "should I just go through with the divorce or not"

So you let him move back in with you?

What has changed? Is he still addicted to methadone?

Did you ever suggest to your MIL that you and she go to Al-Anon?

He has weaned down considerably on the methadone. We have looked into getting treatment with Saboxone?, but we cannot afford it right now (insurance doesn't cover it at $900 per month, plus he says he doesn't want to come off one drug just to get addicted to another. He goes 2-3 days in a row without taking any, then has to dose. I have been to my first al-anon meeting now, and my MIL plans to attend with me as well this Tuesday.

Maybe I am crazy, but I feel like we are in Plan A. I have also re-ordered the MB series and I hope that my WH will agree to go through it. Right now, I am trying to meet his EN and he is trying to meet mine. I am very fearful of trusting him with everything that has happened, (and who knows for sure what all is going on behind my back). Right now, I am just trying to let him know that I am there for him and let him know that he can be honest with me about his addiction. That is one of the things that led him into the OW arms, he could talk to her about anything.

I am checking phone records, e-mails, bills, anything I can think of. I don't know what else to do. I love him and want him to be with me and our son. I just hope that I can get the marriage I deserve out of this and that he can stop his addictive behaviors.

Back to the topic....should I be concerned about the playboy subscription? Is this a sign of more cheating or that he is really not as interested in me as I would like to think he is. What can I do about this if it is a problem? Am I making a big mistake by taking him back in on 15 mg methadone per day that he doses?

Forget about the playboy mag, he is an addict! Does he work?

What is the problems with you that you fell in love with an addict and a cheater. Maybe his other woman was an addict also. You need help weaning this addicted man from your life! YOU are addicted to him!!!

Wow, trying to get this addict interested in you. That is soooo sad honey. Are you so low you need an addict to become interested in you? This is really really sad.

Make him go to treatment to get off all drugs. Methadone can kill dont you know? Look at all the people who die on it! Where does he get it from? Does he self dose it?

I know I am pathetic, but I have been with him for 13 years - and he has just been doing methadone since November 07. It is hard for me to let go of someone I love so much -that is why I have started going to al anon. I am not proud or happy about what he does, but I have no control over it. I just want to be happy...this is so depressing

I checked the website for Suboxone.

www.suboxone.com

Sounds great for tapering off and becoming drug free. I would suggest that you meet with a well-recommended doctor (by other professionals, not "street talk") and get a quote for treatment...then FIND A WAY to afford it, be it a loan, selling a vehicle, second job, pay-as-you-go...something.

Your H's comment that he doesn't want to go off one drug just to get addicted to another sure sounds like a total rationalizational to me, and not a very good one. Suboxone has milder withdrawal symptoms and it would appear to be a very effective tapering off drug under a doctor's guidance. Your H probably doesn't want his addiction messed with any further than it already has been....

Which means....

MB concepts and plans will not work for you, due to your H's addiction. His addiction is most important, and WILL win out if pitted against anything else.

The Playboy subscription is merely another symptom of his addictive personality. Wiser to spend your time and efforts toward a drug-free lifestyle...that subscription may follow suit easily if you conquer the biggest problem.

1baby - I fear you are enabling your H by reconciling at this point. Did you have any conditions that were to be met?

I am making it very clear that life with me should be a drug free lifestyle. I don't want anything to do with drugs. I do want my WH to be successful at quitting, and he claims that he wants to. I guess time will tell.

I have the MB series waiting in a box, just hoping that he and I will be able to go through it and have the marriage we deserve. I would love to save my marriage for my little boy...

This would be a good boundary...but that boundary has already been breached.

He is living back at home with you.

If he is living with you, and doing meth, you ARE having something to do with drugs. There are in your home...and a meth user is in your home.

He KNOWS that you are not serious about this boundary.

It isn't very clear as you would like to think.

committed