worshipper,
Thank you for stopping by and offering up your words of encouragement and prayers.

It is only through Him, Christ our Savior that our M will be saved. We shall see.

For now, both of us have alot of work to do on ourselves.

oUc - Fibromyalgia is NOT "caused by" your husband, regardless of whether he was faithful or not. Stop using that to attack him or to use as a "poor me" sort of thing.

You cannot "think" yourself into Fibromyalgia or out of Fibromyalgia, but you CAN do or not do things that may "ease" or "aggravate" the disease.

Let's stay focused on the "problems" that ARE a part of "being married, okay?"

Fibromyalgia

Lifestyle and home remedies
Self-care is critical in the management of fibromyalgia.

Reduce stress. Develop a plan to avoid or limit overexertion and emotional stress. Allow yourself time each day to relax. That may mean learning how to say no without guilt. But try not to change your routine completely. People who quit work or drop all activity tend to do worse than those who remain active. Try stress management techniques, such as deep-breathing exercises or meditation.

Get enough sleep. Because fatigue is one of the main characteristics of fibromyalgia, getting sufficient sleep is essential. In addition to allotting enough time for sleep, practice good sleep habits, such as going to bed and getting up at the same time each day and limiting daytime napping.

Exercise regularly. At first, exercise may increase your pain. But doing it regularly often decreases symptoms. Appropriate exercises may include walking, swimming, biking and water aerobics. A physical therapist can help you develop a home exercise program. Stretching, good posture and relaxation exercises also are helpful.

Pace yourself. Keep your activity on an even level. If you do too much on your good days, you may have more bad days.
Maintain a healthy lifestyle. Eat healthy foods. Limit your caffeine intake. Do something that you find enjoyable and fulfilling every day.

By Mayo Clinic Staff
June 25, 2007
© 1998-2008 Mayo Foundation for Medical Education and Research (MFMER). All rights reserved. A single copy of these materials may be reprinted for noncommercial personal use only. "Mayo," "Mayo Clinic," "MayoClinic.com," "EmbodyHealth," "Reliable tools for healthier lives," "Enhance your life," and the triple-shield Mayo Clinic logo are trademarks of Mayo Foundation for Medical Education and Research.
DS00079

Ragamuffin,
Thanks for posting that information. Not many people understand what fibromyalgia is, I'm still learning myself. I just know that it is extremely painful and that the pain is aggravated by my emotional stress.

FH,
I'm not trying to blame him for it. I just know in my heart that if I did not have this emotional stress, I would be more healthy. It's my own inability to cope. I grew up healthy and in shape. And it will only change when I change it.

Hope that makes sense.

Sooo.... your husband states these were never physical affairs. Do you believe that to be true? Did they never get physical?

Hi StellaKat;

My ex-h was into porn and "says" that he never did anything physical with a IRL woman. Emotionally though, he was committing adultery by turning to the porn rather than working out his addiction and trusting God to provide what he needed through our marriage.

Stella,
I've always confronted the OW and up until this recent event, it has appeared to always be just EA's.

This last OW "claims" that they have had a 3 year physical affair. However, she was the same OW from last year and he changed his phone number and hasn't talked to her for over a year. And last year when she called his phone, she "claimed" they were "just friends". And her message was "begging him to talk to her and not be mad at the guy that gave her his phone number". His story matched that too.

She is mentally challenged and an older lady and I think that she's just angry because he lied to her again and said that we were divorced. There are LOTS of inconsistencies in her story.

He said he would take a lie detector if that's what I needed.

It's hard to believe someone that has lied so much, but I lean more towards believing that there's not enough evidence that there has been any physical contact than not.

They ALL say they will...and then they either fail or bail. Schedule the test.

I asked DD last night if she remembered the incident years ago when she used a racial slur with WH. She responded about an incident that had occurred 3 years ago when she was heavy into drugs and they had a fight. So that's 2 incidents, one that he told me about in year 1 and one that she mentioned. I'm sure that they both told me about this 3 years ago and I did my best to deal with both sides.

So I told her I guess that both of them have been upset with me for all these years. She said she's not mad anymore. I asked her if she would consider apologizing because it was still causing issues in mine and WH's relationship. She was surprised and said that she thought she had as terms to be able to live with us again, but that she would do it again.

I went to bed, she went to the loft and apologized to him. He came to bed and told me that she had apologized and that maybe that would open up some different dialogue now for him on his thread and moving forward.

She also told me that she felt that he just came on way too strong in the beginning for her and she put up a wall. She also mentioned that she is not a racist, she mentioned her son's father as Mexican for proof. I know that it wasn't racial, it was anger from a teenager that had a new man in her life trying to be an authority figure. A teen that already had an issue with authority. I believe that BOTH of them have used what they could against one another in their battles. She has been very angry with me, watching me stand by my husband and be in unity together against her acting out. She used to tell me that I was choosing him over her. It has been a difficult journey. But this last year with her living with us and with the baby have been the easiest.

Hope that adds a bit more clarity.

You do AGREE that your HUSBAND comes FIRST over your children, correct?

I ACTUALLY did CHOOSE my CHILDREN..his children, too, BTW... over my HUSBAND and was told straight up by Steve Harley: "What you did was WRONG"..and I had to begin to make INSTANT CHANGES...

Well, in most cases I would agree with this...but not in this case. There is no way you put an immature serial cheater ahead of your children...ever.

Well, only if you decide to work on YOUR MARRIAGE with HIM...

Your choice...

MEDC is correct...

Our situation is DIFFERENT as my H is/was not a SERIAL CHEATER...

You can start with THE MARRIAGE that you both are working on creating NOW...

With BOTH OF YOU working TOGETHER, beginning TODAY as a TEAM...

Yes, I believe that God's plan is set that way. If we don't do that, how can we teach our children the natural order of life? I know that his behavior is wrong, but I have hid that part from my children and tried to do the best I can in creating a Christian home. His decisions have sabotaged that at times, I know.

That was a constant bone of contention for me and DD. Another reason that I see this last year with her living with us as a miracle. She and WH have began to finally build a R. She thanks him, appreciates what he does for her child, gives him father's day and birthday cards. She's starting to "grow up".

WH pain is from the beginning, I guess I didn't realize how much some of this stuff bothered him and I've been so buried in my pain of the Infidelity, it's hard for us to meet in the middle some times. I'm still not sure how we are going to do it. Perhaps with the counseling from the Harleys once his money comes in.

THAT WOULD BE GREAT!!

Hi OUC, I was a white girl with a black stepfather, from another country, also, and while I am not a racist, there was a huge culture shock, and I carried for a long time judgement about my stepfather's parenting style as WAY inferior. I think it's great that you view this as not better or worse, just different.


As a fellow white person, I've heard other white people say things like this, as if that's proof. The reality is that there is a lot of racism of Hispanics against blacks. So just this statement shows a lack of understanding of the problem. Instead of your daughter saying that she thinks your H shouldn't feel the way he does, I liked schoolbus's suggestion of opening up a discussion including an outside resource that he found helpful. Very empowering.

Medc,
And if he continues to choose the "immature serial cheater" life then I think the best thing I can show my children is not to tolerate that kind of behavior.

ears,
I'm really looking forward to the book discussion as well because I think it will benefit all of us. No, my children don't understand racism, I really don't either. I don't think that I'm a racist because I married a black man, maybe that's not enough. I'm completely open to understanding it all.

However, I DO NOT believe that it has anything to do with WH CHOICE to be unfaithful to me. I hope he gets to that point one day as well.

Agreed..

And on the other hand, it has been LIFE-CHANGING for my children to learn about FORGIVENESS and LETTING GO OF THE PAST as they have seen their father make MAGNIFICENT CHANGES and AMENDS to US...